Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Keeping Your Dragon-Slaying Husband Happy

...which will be more likely to keep him romantic, attentive, affectionate, and around!

Ladies, if you've married (or plan to marry) a good, marriage-and-family-minded man, keeping him happy will be relatively simple.

I. Be His Girlfriend.

A) Do It. Don’t turn him down when it comes to sex. Respond to his play and flirting. Surrender to his advances. If you absolutely can't have sex at that moment, playfully defer to later, promising to make the wait worth it. If you aren't in the mood, behave like you are and tell him what you need him to do so that you'll get into it. He'll be happy to do it. If there is some act or position that he attempts or requests that you are unable to accommodate for whatever reason, offer an alternative. Unless he has made it clear it is a turn-off for him, initiate on occasion – especially as a "distraction" if his eye is wandering or is glued to some babe on the screen. Flirt. Enthusiasm is important – don't let it repeatedly become mercy or maintenance sex; manual sex, oral sex, breast sex, etc. is still wanted even if intercourse isn't an option; make lovemaking a priority. Variety can be important - quickies vs. epic sessions; play vs. romance; role playing; morning, noon, or night; surprise vs. mutually planned & teased; soft vs. rough; lights on vs. lights off; different places, like the shower, the car, the backyard, etc.

B) Eye Candy. If he wasn’t physically attracted to you, he wouldn’t have married you. Don't hide yourself from him under ratty clothing or dozens of extra pounds. He wants to see your body. Yes, we all get older, but except in rare exceptions, you can keep your weight under control, and unless you're dealing with disease or radiation, you can keep your hair as long as he likes it and the color as he likes it. Don't become a slob or butch up. Staying in shape benefits you regardless of him.

II. Respect & Admiration. Don't be his mother. Don't badmouth him to others. Don't treat him like one of your girlfriends. Play to his strengths and accomplishments: "I need a big, strong man to open this jar for me." "I need a big, strong man to carry this for me." "Thank you for working so hard that you got that promotion."

III. Cave & Hunt. He's going to need time to himself and his hobbies (in the cave) and time with the guys (hunting). It isn’t anything you are doing wrong. Take advantage of it by enjoying your time alone or spending time with the gals.

IV. Talking. When you go to him with a problem or a gripe or complaint, let him know if you need him to offer a solution (our natural reaction), or just a listening ear. But don't use him as a listening ear for the same problems over and over again that you can't or won’t do anything about. That's what your girlfriends are for. Don’t expect him to talk a lot about his feelings – talking about feelings is also what you're girlfriends are for. Same with talking endlessly about nothing. But if you think he is having bad feelings, sit down on the couch or bed, have him put his head on your lap, and massage his head and/or stick your boobs in his face and hold him there. He'll feel so much better. Do talk to him to tell him what you want, whether it is for him to take out the trash or make your toes curl with a well-placed lick.

These next two are mainly for wives whose husbands are the sole income earner, or virtually so.

V. Feed Him. These days, you can find recipes online, but we usually don't need anything fancy. Keep your place stocked with stuff he likes and can grab/make himself for lunch or a snack if you are likely to be gone or have your arms full of kids. If you sometimes "wear" a dessert or a snack and invite him to eat it off of you (think things like grapes, berries, chocolate syrup), he will be the happiest guy in the state. See I.A.

VI. Homemaking. This is actually low on the priority list. But if he has all of the responsibility of bringing in income, then you can take care of most of the cleaning and laundry. Yes, you can hire someone and no, we don't expect the place to be spotless when there are kids. If the choice is between having enough energy for sex and having a clean place, we opt for the sex.

Those things are going to keep any reasonable, good husband happy. For a high quality, lasting marriage, I would add in:

Praying Together. You can do this at any time, including when you are naked and entangled. It’s okay – God knows what you look like, and He invented sex. If you aren't one to pray because you don't believe in prayer and/or God, then meditate together.

Laughing Together. Even if your senses of humor are different, there should be some stuff that you can laugh about or laugh over together.

Most of this simple list is very much like concepts advanced by such diverse sources such as Dr. Laura, Tom Leykis, and Emerson & Sarah Eggerichs. Why do such diverse sources agree that keeping a man happy is simple and how to do it? Because it is true.


  1. I'd like your thoughts on how a nice middle aged woman, who is attractive, intelligent, loving, compassionate, interesting and very sencual and affectionate can meet a nice guy? I'm dead serious. I don't go to church anymore, so that's out. Hanging out at Home Depot does not not work. Online dating has become sleazier than a dive bar at 2 am.

    I have pretty much accepted my singleness and am not bitter towards men - I LOVE MEN. I've just given up on finding one.


  2. Thanks for all of your comments. This question takes some consideration. I will write more again after thinking about it more and when I have more time... sometime over the next several days. Your question deserves a good answer.

  3. Hey Ken, great entry as always. I posted an rebuttal of sorts here. I'd love to hear what you think of it....


I have to approve your comment before it appears. I won't reject your comment for disagreement - I actually welcome disagreement. But I will not allow libelous comments (which is my main reason for requiring approval) and please try to avoid profanities. Thanks!