Advice From a Wife

Inspired by my collection of simple advice on how to keep husbands happy and, therefore, attentive, "Snowflake" posted this entry over on her Snowflake Submerged blog. I am always interested in advice from the feminine perspective. Some of advice found in magazines and websites is so laughable. Advice from real women who aren’t relying on advertisers is often better.

Some guys may take issue with the title... "How to Keep Your Domestic Goddess Happy" because of the term, "goddess". But I used "dragon-slaying". Both are just expressions. I don't have a problem with a woman thinking of herself as a princess as long as she thinks of her husband as a prince. A marriage is in trouble whenever either spouse thinks it is all about them. A marriage will be almost sickeningly beautiful when the spouses focus on meeting the needs of each other.

I certainly can't speak for all women, but I will try to offer some insight into the female heart and mind.

Here's a big difference between men and women, and why Dr. Laura wrote a book called The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands and not a parallel for taking care of wives. Normal husbands, if they are marriage-and-family-minded guys, will be kept happy with a few specifics. To put it crudely, it mostly comes down to "feed me and f--- me". Really – as silly as it may sound, a guy will forget about almost any gripe he has if his wife keeps his testicles empty and his belly full. With women the concepts are more generalized and the specifics are different with each woman. (Which, by the way, is why it isn't of all that much benefit to a husband to have prior sexual experience and it may actually be a hindrance.)

Be her biggest advocate.

Absolutely. A husband who undermines his wife or doesn’t support her could be insecure, trying to keep her from improving herself, fearing that she will leave him.

Be Romantic.

As she explains, this means different things to different women. One of a husband's responsibilities is to find out what it means to his wife, and then do that.

Words of Affirmation.

Some guys think their actions are enough. But most women very much appreciate hearing good words from their man. Most women look for hints about whether or not someone else likes or dislikes something. So make it obvious (to prevent any misunderstanding) by thanking her, telling her how you still find her eyes beautiful even when she’s feeling like a mess, telling her how you love the way she kisses when there isn’t time for more, telling her she did well on a project even if that hobby of hers isn't your thing – you get the idea.

Reciprocity.

One of the examples Snowflake uses is oral sex. I am definitely in favor of reciprocity in this area and lovemaking in general. Not in a "keeping score" way, but I think husbands who want to be good lovers should enjoy bringing pleasure to their wives. Don't like giving her oral sex? Learn to like it, especially if she wants it. If my wife would let me and circumstances permitted, I'd spend entire days on foreplay and cunnilingus. Okay… I think I need a cold shower.

Women Percolate.

Foreplay, guys. Sounds simple, but I mean it. Men are often like microwaves, they turn on very easily. Women however are slower at getting aroused and they like to savor the experience.

Very important thing to keep in mind.

Know Her Preferences.

Guys, study your wife at least as well as you study your favorite interest/hobby. So you know all of the pitching stats for the entire history of the Boston Red Sox. Okay, fine. But do you know your wife's favorite romantic songs? Favorite sweets? How she likes to be massaged? Her favorite author?

Quality Time.

If you married her, you should enjoy spending time with her even when your penis isn't being touched. You should enjoy listening to what she has to say.

There are more, but I really want you to click through to read it all on her blog.

Unless I missed it, I don’t think she brought up fidelity – nor did I in my list. Probably because it should be a given. Some people put energy into pursuing or hiding affairs, and in some of those cases, if they had put the same effort into their marriages, affairs wouldn't be happening in the first place. A wife generally wants her husband to have his sexual needs fulfilled in her, and want a sense of security, which is undermined in affairs. From a purely financial standpoint, an affair puts your money, which is also your wife's, at risk for child support. Conversely, if she engages in an affair, she runs the risk of getting pregnant. Either way, it is time, energy, and often money spent on something that is in conflict with the marriage.

Guys, if you are married, you should want to make the best of it. You have invested yourself in your wife and growing your investment pays off. If you're looking to get married, keep these things in mind – they'll work if you pick the right woman. It is very important to pick the right woman. Cynics will tell you there is no such thing, but I disagree. If you find the right woman and she agrees to marry you, make her glad she did.