Unpaid?

"When someone is selling something, they don't like it when other people sell the same or similar product or service for much less." - Me [This entry has been bumped up.]

On Dr. Laura's Thursday, June 18, 2020 show, she took a call from a woman who has had a boyfriend for three years and she called about the possibility of talking marriage. Dr. Laura asked her if they were having sex. Of course the answer was yes. Dr. Laura called her an unpaid whore, which is a term she tends to apply to shackups, which the caller noted because they weren't living together. Dr. Laura went on to say that women like the caller are "giving men sex for nothing."  (I may be conflating the call with another one from the same episode, during which a man challenged the wisdom of marrying without having lived together.)

Aren't they giving each other company and sex? What exactly is he getting out of the relationship that she is isn't?

Again, we see the principle that men are expected to pay for sex, or that women don't enjoy sex.

And, we have no idea what bills of hers he's paying, or what gifts he's giving her. If he's taking her to nice dinners and paying for her vacations, entertainment, recreation, etc., then she is getting paid.

Dr. Laura brought up the white wedding dress and how it's not fair for women who aren't virgins to wear them. Except the truth about white wedding dresses says otherwise.

Entitlement

 
We have been told many times things like:

A man who has paid for a series of expensive, romantic dates isn't entitled to sex.

Husbands aren't entitled to sex.

Awesome, faithful husbands who are romantic and make their wife's life wonderful and much less stressful aren't entitled to sex.

Can't we all see that? Nobody is entitled to sex.

And, in the very same way...

Nobody is entitled to be heard.

Nobody is entitled to attention.

Nobody is entitled to romance.

Nobody is entitled to being treated to dinner.

Nobody is entitled to someone else's earnings.

Nobody is entitled to someone's else's residence.

Nobody is entitled to someone making sure they are safe.

Nobody is entitled to a ring.

Nobody is entitled to a wedding.

Right?

"You'd better listen if you want sex."

Not if he runs game!

How’s Your Summer Going?

How’s your summer going? (Or, if you’re down under, your winter?)

Do you enjoy this time of year, or do you simply endure it?

Although I was a good student, as a kid I loved the freedom and activities of summer. I didn’t like to think of school restarting, and I was quick to push from my mind the thought that once I was a fully employed adult, I’d only get “two weeks” of vacation per year. Although, when I got a job the summer before my senior year of high school that had me on full-time hours, I did enjoy it overall as I saw it as important for my future.

Today, I enjoy some aspects of summer but time passes by so quickly and the changing seasons are another reminder of that.

I’m never at a loss for things to post on this blog. I have many unfinished draft posts. But my responsibilities keep me occupied, so sometimes this blog can go a while between new posts. I do have hundreds of still-relevant published entries I bump back to the top, but if you’re following/subscribed to the blog, you probably don’t get notified when that happens. That’s why it’s good to bookmark this blog and check it frequently.

I do try to stay active on Twitter/X daily.

Always feel free to comment on any posts.

I hope you’re doing well. 

You Don't Need a Girlfriend

Boys and men need to know that they don't need a wife and don't even need an exclusive girlfriend.

When I was growing up, what I learned from media - everything from advertisements to movies to television shows to books and especially music - was that "everyone" had a girlfriend and then a wife. If there was a breakup with the girlfriend, you had to find another girlfriend. This was how to be happy. Guys who didn't have a girlfriend or a wife, if they weren't gay or Catholic priests, were losers. My parents didn't tell me that, but they had each other. I didn't have an older brother to show me any differently.

It wasn't until I was heading into my mid-twenties that I finally realized what a load of crap that message was.

A really awful engagement was ending and I realized I'd rather be alone the rest of my life than endure any more of that.

I could have saved myself all sorts of trouble, all sorts of negative thinking going all the way back to sixth grade, if I had learned that it is OKAY, even preferable, to NOT have an exclusive girlfriend. Ever!

Good Luck With That

The Institute For Family Studies needs to promote marriage. So Alysse ElHage has this blog entry touting a new book that attempts to address marriage problems through churches. [This entry was bumped up.]

A few years ago, I was scrolling through Facebook to catch up with friends and family when I stumbled upon some news that made my heart sink.

As I've said, Facebook is a front row seat to a train wreck.

A married couple from the church my husband and I had attended for about 10 years had apparently split up since we moved away. Both the husband and the wife were popular leaders in our church and seemed to have a vibrant marriage that everyone admired. But now she was building a life with a new man in another state, while he raised their two children alone. As I was trying to digest this news, I discovered that at least five other married couples with kids from the same church had split up over the past few years. Two of the couples had been married for several decades; one couple less than five years. When I asked our pastor what happened, he was as brokenhearted as I was over the news, but he had no answers. He’d tried to counsel with some of the couples, but the spouse who wanted out (most often, the wife) was dead set on divorce.

Pay attention, men.

1. These were supposedly dedicated, churchgoing wives.
2. They seemed to have a vibrant marriage. You have no idea what's going on behind closed doors.
3. Decades of marriage can mean the wife gets set with alimony for life. In California (I don't know how many other states are the same), ten years of marriage sets her up for life.
4. The women are the ones leaving. YOU CAN'T STOP THEM. And, quite often, the more you try to treat them well, the more likely it is they'll walk all over you and leave.
5. The pastor claimed to have no answers. Most likely, he had answers, but doesn't want to say them.