Monday, July 13, 2009

Parenthood by Proxy

I attended a baby shower over the weekend. These things should NOT be co-ed, but I might have had to go anyway, because it was for my sister-in-law and her husband as they anticipate the arrival of their first child. One couple in attendance brought their two-month-old adorable child. Absolutely precious.

What made me even happier to see this child was that her parents tried so hard for so long to get pregnant this time around, and that was AFTER trying hard to get pregnant, carrying a child to term, and then discovering upon birth that the child had a problem that prevented the baby from living more than a couple of weeks. Very sad.

So seeing them with this healthy baby was great.

Then my heart sank as the mother explained to my MIL that she's going back to work very soon and has found a day orphanage for her two-month-old.

Her husband is a good earner. I'm sure they could make it with her staying at home. Or with him staying at home.

Why try so hard to make a kid and carry that child around for nine moths so that you can see the child essentially only weekends? Grade school will come soon enough. Why not enjoy your child during the infant and toddler years?

I feel like I am missing out when I am away from my child. I'm thankful my wife gets to spend as much time with her as she does, and thankful my wife was willing to have this arrangement.

Why do people allow themselves to believe that hired help is better for their child than they are? Clearly, some new parents choose daycare when they have other realistic options. And most everyone else using daycare who "must" choose it "must" choose it becausae a series of previous choices in which they could have chosen differently.

To all you SAHMs and SAMDs - GOOD FOR YOU!!!

2 comments:

  1. One of the problems I have is that my husband thinks it's normal to send your child off to daycare. He was never willing to make the math work for me to stay home. Yes, I know, this is something we should have discussed in detail before we convieved the kid! I am resentful everyday that I missed out. To add fuel to the fire, he doesn't understand why I am not willing to have more children. The nerve.

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  2. Lisa,

    Sorry to hear that. There are plenty of other people in the same boat. That's life today, and the situations seem to perpetuate themselves. Kids who go to daycare may think that is the way it should be. Kids who stay home may think that is the way it should be. (And some kids in daycare may dislike it enough to decide their kid will not be in daycare).

    I was in pre-school for two years. I think my mother felt she needed the break, having another kid arrive around that time. However, I don't see the need to have my own kid in pre-school. In fact, I distinctly remember NOT wanting to go to pre-school, and asking my father to stay for a while when dropping me off.

    I have a friend who does not see the need to live close to his young daughter. I have no doubt that part of the reason for that is that he didn't live close to his own father, and he turned out "fine" (only he hasn't.)

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