A SECOND CHANCE wrote to Dear Abby:
Because I was sexually abused as a child, I have difficulty trusting men.DONE. That's a big "DO NOT TOUCH" sign right there. That's how she started the letter.
My oldest sons have different fathers. While they were toddlers, I met the father of my youngest two sons.She trusted three men enough to let them stick it in her and knock her up. Who knows how many other men have been there? Doesn't that take some level of trust?
In the beginning, I wasn't in love with him,But she let him knock her up.
although over the years, I have grown to love him.TRANSLATION: "I figured out that being the mess I am, plus having four children, I'll never do any better than this guy."
While I am now in love with him, because of the emotional, mental and physical abuse I put him through, he doesn't feel the same.Emphasis mine.
He's a great father to all of my boys.Does he take them on "special camping trips" without you? Something is seriously wrong with this guy. How does he even know the two younger kids are his? He doesn't. She already had two kids by two other men, and this guy thought she was a good place to stick it? Bad idea, guy!
My question is, how can I express that I'm in love with him and want a relationship with him now?She didn't explain if he's still living with her. I don't think there's any hope as they are two very screwed up people, but since she asked, here's what I'd tell her to do: 1) Never abuse him or any of the kids.
2) Get your tubes tied.
3) Don't disrespect or undermine him, whether in his fathering or anything else.
4) Get in shape and stay in shape.
5) Dress for him.
6) Groom yourself the way he likes, especially your hair.
7) Frequently give him lots of enthusiastic sex, doing things he likes. He's not the person who sexually abused you. Don't allow yourself to be deprived of great sex.
8) Make him the meals he likes. 9) When you're complaining to him about something, tell him ahead of time if you want him to offer a solution or if you're just venting. But don't vent to him over and over about something you're not going to fix or can't be fixed. No whining or nagging or bitching about him. 10) Let him have time to himself and with the guys, without punishing him.
All if that is assuming he's a great guy who made very stupid decisions in knocking you up and being with you. If he's too mess up or a bad guy, it's not going to work.
Twelve years ago, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. It was a difficult pregnancy and delivery due to a medical condition my daughter was diagnosed with in the womb. The doctors let my husband and me know there could be problems during the delivery. We needed to make a decision. If things went wrong, we had to choose between my life and our daughter's life. I told my husband to pick her.Emphasis mine.
I can't stop thinking about how quickly my husband agreed to that decision! At the time, I was OK with his immediate reaction and loved him more for caring about our child. My kid is the light of my life, and jealousy plays no role in my emotions. I would want him to choose her again, but I don't understand why his swift agreement haunts me still. It makes me question our relationship and how much I really matter to him.TWELVE YEARS of this crap. It was a NO WIN situation for her husband. Any answer he'd give would be wrong, even just in tone. If that is their only or youngest child. this guy should hit the eject button in six years. And now for the obituary notice, found at Legacy:
Kathleen Dehmlow (Schunk) was born on March 19, 1938 to Joseph and Gertrude Schunk of Wabasso.
She married Dennis Dehmlow at St. Anne's in Wabasso in 1957 and had two children Gina and Jay.
In 1962 she became pregnant by her husband's brother Lyle Dehmlow and moved to California.There's no mention of Dennis after that.
She abandoned her children, Gina and Jay who were then raised by her parents in Clements, Mr. and Mrs. Joseph Schunk.
She passed away on May 31, 2018 in Springfield and will now face judgement. She will not be missed by Gina and Jay, and they understand that this world is a better place without her.What are the odds that Gina and/or Jay were also not the biological children of Dennis? They could be Lyle's or some other guy's. Guys, reading all of these, why aren't you rushing to get married and have children???