Important Messages to Young Men - Know Thyself

The intro to this series is here.

Know thyself. Generally, the younger you are, the more about yourself you still have to discover. Also, things might change over time with experiences and with your determination to change something. Know yourself as you are now, and accept that you can and will change to some extent. 

Even though you’re young, what I advise here applies to you and is something you can do many times throughout your life. 

Knowing yourself will inform most of this series. For example, knowing yourself will help with your health and how you spend your time.

Use what you've got.

Develop or buy/rent what you need.

Own your flaws, faults, and shortcomings.

Know what you don't know. You can never know everything, but you can know where to find out or where to find someone who knows what you don't.

You can take calculated risks. What’s a good risk or bad risk might depend on who you are. 

Know what your goals are. For example, having children isn't for everyone, but if you want to truly want to be a father, then that should inform most of what you do. Do you want to work for yourself? Do you want to climb someone else’s ladder? Do you want live on a boat? Only you can figure out your goals. Leaving them up to a parent or partner isn’t good. 

One thing all of you should know is that if you’re an adult male, you ARE a real man. Don’t be manipulated by other people claiming you have to do what they like in order for you to be a real man.

Why Men Send Unsolicited Crotch Shots

There are two basic reasons men send unsolicited crotch shots, or "d--- pics".

1) Exhibitionism has long been a thing. The stereotype used to be of the guy wearing the hat and coat flashing women in a park. Now it can be done with a smart phone.

2) Much more commonly, the "average Joe" (whether he is average down there or not) does it because he has accepted the ridiculous notion that men and women are not different.

It's quite simple, really:

Most heterosexual men would be somewhat aroused by receiving an image of a woman's genitals, even unsolicited, even if he doesn't know her, even more so if he had reason to believe it was an image of the woman who is in contact with him, and she intentionally sent it to him. (We're not talking about injured or diseased genitals, although a few guys probably have a fetish that covers that.)

As these guys would want a woman to send a picture of her genitals, they reason that since women and men are pretty much the same except for certain exterior body parts, she's likely to want to see his genitals as much has he wants to see hers.

A lot of women can't believe men think this is a good way to attract or arouse women. "Don't these men know the truth?" No, they don't, because they've been told over and over again that women are just like men, including when it comes to sex.

But the truth is out there. Extremely, and I mean extremely rare is the woman who likes getting unsolicited crotch shots from men. Heck, most women don't want crotch shots from men they're in love with, and the ones who do are more about liking that they have, according to the picture, aroused a man they care about.

Guys, she's either disgusted or she's laughing at it, and, often, sharing it with her friends so they can make fun of you.

Men and women ARE different, and it isn't just a matter of socialization. Do you think society has socialized men to want to see the genitals of other men? No, but gay males tend to have the same reaction to unsolicited crotch shots of men as heterosexual males have when it comes to those of women.


[Edited to clean up typing mistakes.]

Why Did I Get Married?

Why did I ever want to get married?

If you read this blog, you have to have noticed that I now warn most men against marrying. So why did I get married? Why did I want to?

Well, it can probably be explained by several things, including, in no particular order:

• being raised by middle-class married parents
• choosing Evangelicalism (which wasn't my parents doing), which was pushing marrying as one of the central, main goals in a good life
• virtually all media I was exposed to growing up and into my early adulthood portrayed marriage as the goal, as the default, as the happily ever after, and implied that only a loser or freak (or gay person) "couldn't" marry
• as far as I knew, my parents and all of their siblings got married and stay married
• likewise my grandparents stayed married until death
• my older sibling got married and, so far, stayed married
  
• being generally conservative, loyal, affectionate, and a "hopeless romantic" 
• wanting sex, and being hoodwinked into thinking that marriage meant lots of good sex, and I was of the belief that "unmarried" sex was wrong (What really constitutes marriage, from a Biblical perspective, is a whole different matter than I realized.)
• thinking I wanted to raise kids and that having and raising kids what something I was supposed to do, and that being legally married was the best way to do that 
• having had a great relationship with a girlfriend and thinking that it would be possible to have that same kind of relationship with a wife who, unlike the girlfriend, is religiously and politically compatible
• mistakenly thinking I'd found a woman who would be compatible, fit the profile of what I was looking for in a wife, and would be a pleasant, positive, productive influence on my life
  

Does any of that sound familiar to you?

That at least three neighbors and some friends and extended family had divorced parents and that my own parents ended up divorcing should have been a tip off, but it wasn't.

Over the years, my delusions slipped away and my ignorance was reduced. That's why I now realized I shouldn't have married, and most men shouldn't.

Our media, our religions, and often our families call much attention to weddings and marriage, but not to divorce, save for scandalous celebrity divorces. If we could see all the misery in marriages, if every divorce was given as much attention as every wedding, if we were to pile together all of the media that claims to help marriages, if we could line up every divorce lawyer out there in one place, and if more thriving free people were visible, fewer men would be so delusional or ignorant as to think as I did.

This is one reason why it is so important to let men and boys know that they don't have to marry; that they can be great men and live good lives without ever marrying.

I was doing well on my own. My finances were in great shape and I was on track to retire very well off and reach my career goals. I enjoyed my hobbies and friendships. I spent time with my parents (separately), siblings, etc. I traveled. I was healthy. I had a nice residence. That was all without being married.

That I enjoyed my time alone and so many of the activities I most enjoyed where solitary should have been a huge clue to me.

Now I know that:

-Most marriages fail. 

-Most men can get everything they want out of life without ever marrying. 

-Marriage is a bad deal for most men.
-Present-day Evangelical restrictions on sexuality aren't all from extant Biblical commands.

-Men can be great Christians without ever legally marrying.

-I had a great life when I was a Free Man.

Don't make the same mistake I did. Stay free.

The Costs of Raising a Child

Every once in a while, the news will report on the costs of raising a child, according to the United States Department of Agriculture. My guess is that the USDA does these reports not because children are considered livestock, but to justify welfare programs that ensure food producers get taxpayer money and then the government has programs to feed children.

Some marriage-and-family advocates (the people who try to get everyone to marry and pop out babies) scoff at reports that it costs $250,000 (or even up to $400,000) to raise a child.

But those numbers do not surprise me. Children are very expensive.

Of course we're not supposed to talk that way. "Children are a blessing!" and "How can you put a price on a child?"

But that doesn't change the fact that it costs money to raise children.

Here are some official links that explain how the costs of raising a child are determined:

https://www.usda.gov/media/blog/2017/01/13/cost-raising-child

https://www.cnpp.usda.gov/sites/default/files/crc2015.pdf

And  here's Wikipedia, which makes it fairly easy to see the basic breakdown:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cost_of_raising_a_child


Let's be generous to people who try to minimize the costs of raising a child. We'll assume that you won't need fertility treatments, IVF, to adopt, or anything else of that sort, all of which can be very expensive, as it can be if your child has special needs, and they won't assault other kids, or destroy the property of others, all of which can cost hundreds of thousands of dollars.

Let's go over the costs that everyone is going to have when raising a child.

Will Dr. Laura Ever Find Another Man?

One of my favorite authors and radio show hosts, Dr. Laura, is available. It's been a while since she was widowed. [This was originally posted in August 2019. It's still relevant.]

She makes no secret of the fact that she's into her 70s now. It's not easy for any woman in her 70s to find a new man, but it's going to be even more difficult for Dr. Laura, despite the fact that she knows how to keep men happy (she even wrote a book: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands) and despite the fact that she keeps herself in excellent shape.

For some men, that their potential partner has the level of fame Dr. Laura has, especially of a controversial nature, is a deal breaker.

I have to wonder if Dr. Laura is going to relax her stance on age differences, at least for people who are past the child-bearing years. Given how active she is, I don't see anything wrong with her dating a man in his 50s, as long as doing so would not divert his attention away from minor children. She has railed against callers dating someone more than ten years younger than them, pointing out that the older person was likely to leave their spouse a widow/widower. But... isn't that what has happened to her? Given her health, it is possible she has multiple decades left. What would be wrong with marrying a man in his 50s, and if he's like most men, he passes in his 70s or 80s? Heck, she might outlive him. [At least one recent call indicated she has softened her stance on age differences, at least if the woman is older. Hmmmm]

If her potential suitor has to be in his mid-60s or older, and has to be active enough to keep up with her on hikes and such, that's going to be a very narrow pool. And if Dr. Laura lives out her long-held stances against casual sex and shacking up, which I expect she will, it's going to narrow the pool even further.

I bring this up because she opened her show one day last week describing that someone in her life had "introduced" her to a potential date, and they talked over the phone for a couple of days. He was honest in saying that he was seeing someone, and he also claimed they weren't committed.

Dr. Laura asked if the woman he was seeing was going to know why he was traveling out of town (which would be to see Dr. Laura). He said no. Dr. Laura ended things and said he wasn't an honorable man.

Now, perhaps there was something being left out of her recounting of this interaction, but based on what I heard, I think she made a mistake in not talking with him further and perhaps seeing him. Hey, it's her life and she can do what she wants, but unless there is an engagement ring on a woman's finger or the man and woman have explicitly agreed they are exclusive, they are free to date others and they should EXPECT that the other person is dating others. As Dr. Laura herself points out, even living together isn't an implication of exclusivity; even if they agreed to it! So why is a man expected to tell a woman he's dating he's going out of town to see another woman? Is she expected to say she's going to dinner with another man?

She may have not been fair to herself or him. But again, it's her decision to make.

This isn't just me pontificating. My mother, who was very traditional when it came to dating and marriage, made it clear that unless my ring was on a woman's finger, that woman was free to date others. I never expected the women I dated to only be dating me, nor tell me they were going on dates with others. We had to have a discussion about exclusivity before we could expect it.

These days, men should never assume the woman they are dating is only dating them, even if they claim to be. And men should never imply to the women they are seeing they are only seeing them. But then I'm telling most men they should never marry at all. Dr. Laura is looking for a keeper.


Dr. Laura later explained more about her position on dating.

It’s Not Too Early To Form Your Holiday Game Plan

Free Men, and men who want to be, it's NOT to early to think about the holidays, and by that, I mean Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hanukah, Christmas, New Years, and Valentine's Day. 

There are two main considerations for you:

1) Dealing with family and "friends" who will be asking you (or pestering you) about your status as a free man. You know how it goes. "When are you going to get married?" Questions like that.

2) Avoiding spending those special days with a woman who wants to take away your status as Free Man, or will be expecting you to spend a lot of time, money, and effort on her.

Don't do something something foolish and start thinking there is "the one" to whom you should hand over your freedom. Don't be so ignorant, delusional, or masochistic that you're thinking you want to be exclusive with a woman.

Let’s Check Up on a Marital Bed

 

Mine.

We’re going to check up on my marital bed.

I want you unmarried men to get a realistic perspective on marriage. Be sure to bookmark this place. Any time you think you might want to marry, read those reports from the front lines.

This post is going to talk about “adult” matters a bit explicitly. Duh. So if you you’d rather not read about that stuff, move on to another entry.

OK, so, my wife and I have been married for… many years. We’re into middle age now. Well, definitely I am. She’s not far behind me. 

I will say, my wife hasn’t blimped up nor butched up, unlike so many other American wives. She’s gained weight, to be sure, but she was about as thin as I could accept when we married. I figured/hoped she’d gain some weight. She’s kept her hair long, and her hair “down there” shaved, which is good because I like the view and it makes it easier for me to do my favorite thing. So, I do appreciate her efforts as far as those things go.

There’s the inevitable march of time, along with breastfeeding all those years ago, that have taken their toll.

That’s not really much of a problem though. She’s still a lot younger than my oldest lovers were in my years as an unmarried young man.

No, the problems are that she has a very low sex drive and many hang ups and inhibitions, and almost every time we do it, it’s planned (and only if not cancelled or “delayed” yet again) and in what’s supposed to be the middle of my sleep cycle. I don’t get enough sleep, but if I don’t agree to sacrifice some of the sleep I could get, our bedroom will be even closer to permanently dead. And if she “can’t” wake me up after barely trying, she’ll simply go to sleep. So when she’s indicated before I turn in that we can get busy when she finally joins me in bed (which will usually be hours later), I’ll often keep myself from fully falling asleep until after our session.

For many years, we were down to about once every 3-to-6 weeks for any sexual contact at all. But having more pity on me, she has responded to an increase in stress in my life by planning to do fellatio more often. We might be up to once per week or two. I’m fully aware many husbands wish they could get that much. But you have to understand, this is in the  dark, quiet, her lower parts covered, and with her treating my ejaculate like poison; she’ll actually pull away so early sometimes I’ll have to get myself over the top. She gave better fellatio a few times - the best she ever has - before we married, including gulping it all down. Hmm. Gee, I wonder what changed? Ah yes, wedding cake does that to many women.

Another discouraging turn-off is when she “schedules” our interaction for “tomorrow night” or “tonight” and then she delays it. This is frequent. A “delay”is more likely to happen than not, and often is a de facto cancellation. It’s not like there are all these rain checks being stored up that will be “paid out” sometime in the future. 

It’s almost always scheduled rather than spontaneous and it’s never a surprise, meaning if it’s spontaneous it’s because she decided not to turn me down this time when I initiated. She’s not spontaneous about this. I have learned not to be through repeated rejections and negative feedback; almost always, it’s going to be her telling me we can.

If the stars have aligned, and I’ve jumped through enough hoops, she will tell me to shower and shave before I go to bed. Showering is always required before any sexual contact. The shaving part of the request means she intends to give me access to her as well.

And if, in the next two to five hours, nothing has happened to change course, she’ll come to bed when I’m supposed to be in the middle of my sleep cycle, willing to engage. And yes, even if the kids aren’t home, it will be in bed; anywhere else, a pet might see us. I kid you not. (Such a strange limitation considering we had her pet in bed with us when we first married.)

I’ve not only showered thoroughly, but I’ve applied specific flavoring to my crotch, at her insistence because the “natural” flavor of my skin (after body wash and water) must be such a turn-off. The flavoring isn’t anything from our kitchen. She wouldn’t want to ever think about sex while eating. (So, no getting playful with syrups or whipped creams or anything else food related.)

Even so, there’s a good chance the flavoring will have been wasted; that was the case even before she recently started to ease my tension on some other nights.

If I’m really lucky, she will turn on a dimmed light so I can see her.

She’ll find me either half awake, having held off on badly needed rest in hopes of “getting some,” or she’ll wake me up and I’ll be very groggy.

From there, we’re off to the races, in virtual silence the whole time.

And by races I mean I’ll try to give her all the affection she says she wants. I’m from the “she comes first” way of doing things. So, there’ll be kissing, maybe I’ll enjoy her breasts for a while, and then I’ll usually move on to cunnilingus, which is my favorite thing to do. And that’s good, because there are very few things I’m allowed to do.

Fingers are not allowed inside her during cunnilingus. Petting or stroking her anywhere is not allowed at any time, whatever the circumstances, other than in a specific ways during or immediately after our session. Also, she never runs her hands over herself, never touches her own breasts, never touches herself down there in front of me; she will allow me to move her hands in my effort to encourage those things, but will stop after I take my hands away from hers and she’ll move her hands away.

If I’m lucky, somewhere along the way, she will tug on me a bit, maybe even take me into her mouth for a bit.

Whatever touches her lower/vertical pair of lips, such as my lips, hands, or you-know-what can’t subsequently touch her mouth, so I have to be careful about what I do in which order, and when. And no, she’ll never get so passionate or lost in the moment for an exception to be made.

I’ll do cunnilingus, which is my favorite thing, any way I can, including from behind, but it will usually be with her resting on her back. She will almost always climax from the cunnilingus. Just once. She will literally push me away if I try for a multiple, no matter how long I wait.

There’s a small but not zero chance, if she has climaxed, she’ll curl up and that’ll be it for the night. I won’t have finished. But usually, instead, she’ll make it clear she wants intercourse, which is almost always missionary. If I kiss her during or after, it won’t be on her mouth. She’ll literally turn her head if I try.

Once in a while, she will want intercourse before she has climaxed, and in those cases I’ll return to cunnilingus after intercourse, even if I’ve climaxed, to get her over that hill. The exception will be if she says there’s no way it’ll happen this time and I should stop, but that’s very rare.

Her eyes will be closed during intercourse, and again, it’s quiet. She doesn’t do anything, just kind of relaxes and takes it. The Dead Bedroom people call it starfishing.

She wants me going off inside. It’s proof she isn’t actually allergic to my stuff. (I’m shooting blanks, so this isn’t about trying for a late pregnancy.)

After, while I’m still inside her, she will continue to be still. This will be the one time I can rub her arms, legs, stomach, whatever, and I tend to make the most of that.

I’ll often think about how that’s all going to have to last me for 3-to-6 weeks. We won’t even spoon, cuddle, or snuggle until that time weeks later, as foreplay. We never touch while resting or sleeping; at all.

That’s all by her choice. All the limits and restrictions are by her choice. I’ve never said no to her when it comes to sex or physical affection, but then she doesn’t ask for much, as you can see.

That’s it. That’s how it is for us. No adventures. No experimenting, even though we have books, including “activity” books and a game or two for a couple, and an app or two. Those sit unused. I don’t ever think, “Wow, that’s the best I’ve ever had!” There are a couple of toys that get used once in a blue moon.

I drift off to sleep thinking “Well, that’s it. It’s never going to get any better.”

She will say “thanks” to me the next day, as if it was amazing. I’ll appear to match her enthusiasm, because I’d still rather encourage her than discourage her.

And there are plenty of husbands who wish they had it this “good.” I know I could have it a lot worse. But it’s nothing like the great times I experienced before I signed that terrible state contract.

There’s nobody else. She’s not doing anything with anybody else and neither am I. I mean, maybe she sexts someone, but I’d wager a lot of good money she doesn’t. I don’t. We don’t watch even slightly erotic media together. She never sends me any pics. We don’t sext each other. We don’t get heated in our texts; just slightly flirty. Sometimes, when we’re in a common area of the house, she’ll flash me a nipple or I’ll caress her, or she’ll pinch me as she passes by. That’s the most that will happen, other than kisses.

So, that’s how things are.

What do I want? What most men want: A harem with a revolving door. Lots of group stuff with me being the only guy.

What do I want that’s realistic and wouldn’t get me kicked out of my church? Believe it or not, one thing is spooning. One of the things I liked in past relationships was literally sleeping together. Actually together, not like now and all throughout my marriage: in the same bed but completely apart. I want enthusiasm and passion. I want a lover who craves sex or at least behaves like it. I want fellatio like I used to get. I want a few more common positions more often; I’m not asking for anything that requires a contortionist. I want to get frisky outside of bed, too. I want these things 3-or-4 times per week. Not going to happen.

I keep myself groomed and practice good hygiene. I have all of my hair. I take her out on dates, and ask her out more than she accepts. She says I’m an excellent husband and father. I do more chores than she does. I work, she doesn’t. The kids are old enough to take care of themselves. I’m not in my best shape, but this is pretty much how things were when I was in my best shape, and I’m generally healthy.

Here’s where some well-meaning person will say “Communicate!”

I have. It makes things worse. And no, I’m not a bad communicator. Talking about it makes things worse. She has imposed additional restrictions when we’ve talked; nothing has gotten better, so it’s not a trade-off, but rather a net negative for me. Oh, she has claimed a desire to increase frequency. But there’s nothing I can do to make that happen and she doesn’t follow through. She’s aware I’d like it more. She has said so. She’s also said things during these talks Dr. Laura says there’s no coming back from, so talking with her about this brings the risk of me becoming permanently turned off.

What are the other options?

Leave? Once the kids are grown, I can do that. I’d lose most of my wealth (because legally it’s “ours”) and I’d have to financially take care of her the rest of her life. How much of our money would go to lawyers? My kids would hate it even if grown. I’d have to move, along with all of other disruption.

Secretly cheat? That’s not me.

Negotiate an arrangement? More couples do this than most people realize. One way is that a wife will tell her husband he can get it elsewhere under a set of conditions she sets down. I’ve known my wife a long time now, and she’d never agree to that. Unless she’s fooling me, she thinks our marriage is great. But even if she knew the truth about how I feel, I can’t see her agreeing to an arrangement. There’s a slight chance that once the kids are out, I can sit her down and say the options are divorce, an arrangement, or she changes, and she’d choose the second or third option, but it’s more likely we’ll win the lottery, which we almost never play. I just can’t see myself being married, especially to her, and pursuing sex with another woman.

Masturbate? Of course I do. But that doesn’t replace spooning, good fellatio, or cunnilingus. And technology isn’t quite there yet.

So… provided we both live, what’s most likely to happen is, as we get older and older, things will get more and more like going through the motions, with the same (aging) woman, my body aging as well, and then I’ll die.

At least I still have memories of the great experiences I did have before I married.

Never get into a situation like this in the first place, guys. Stay free.

The Passing Parade of Radio

Once upon a time, there were AM and FM radio, record/tape/CD players, and that was about it for your listening choices.

Now, thanks to satellite radio and smart phones (and tablets and laptops that can stream), there are endless choices for you: live streams, podcasts, audiobooks, etc. abound in addition to satellite radio and AM and FM radio.

It’s not just listeners who have more choices. So do advertisers.

This has unavoidably meant terrestrial radio (AM and FM) in general, talk radio included, have suffered.

Gone are the days “everyone” listened to one of a handful of morning shows and afternoon drive-time shows.

This is why there are fewer talk shows that have live callers on-air. This is why there’s more syndicated programming instead of local. This is why some stations have gone away entirely - not a format flip, but the frequency itself going silent. This is one reason why so many of your favorite radio personalities have been dismissed or have left. It doesn’t help that rock music is dying. You can find terrestrial radio stations playing the same 25 rock songs from the 1970s onward, but for how much longer? There are no new superstar iconic rock bands and the existing bands are literally dying out, retiring, or only touring to play their old hits, since touring can pay, new recordings not as much.

When Howard Stern left for satellite radio, I didn’t care enough to pay up. I had plenty of other choices to listen to in the morning for free. From what I understand, Stern now only does his show a few days per week, the weeks he actually does it, and (as his former employee John Melendez put it), has turned into the kind of host he used to goof on. If I wanted the present-day Stern’s take on things, I only have to read the New York Times.

Dr. Laura, who loathes any comparison to Stern, also left terrestrial radio for satellite radio. Now her, I followed, but it’s clear many people didn’t. To this day, she gets callers who rediscovered her because of getting a new vehicle with a temporary subscription to SiriusXM. How many never rediscovered her? I didn’t get satellite radio. I’ve been paying for the podcast version of her program. I’ve been contemplating dropping it, though.

In what has to be humiliating, Dr. Laura is currently having trouble selling out a theater for two performances of… a lecture? I don’t know. It’s supposedly what she’s learned. Maybe more people would go if she was going to be candid about her journey from her first marriage, to the days she was with Bill Balance, to shacking up with an older married father and having a child with him, to embracing Orthodox Judaism and then dropping it, to getting to the point of what she now preaches. 

That she’s obviously had trouble getting enough people to buy tickets for her live appearance in the market that’s always been her home market is revealing, considering she used to have bestselling books and the number 2 or 3 national radio program. Combine that with her dropping from five days per week to four and still filling some of the time with unannounced recordings of previously aired calls, and I have to wonder if she really is going to refuse to retire and be allowed to continue.

Dennis Prager has also reduced his show. In addition to being away for listener trips and Jewish holidays, he’s often traveling or in meetings during his show’s hours. But he dropped from 3 to 2 hours. He claimed it was so he could finish writing projects, but I have to wonder if his employer (Salem) asked him to take a pay cut and that was part of the reason. I also pay for the podcast version of his show and I almost never listen to the guest hosts.

Saddest of all to witness is Michael Medved. His employer, Salem, stood by him when he needed time away to battle throat cancer. I’m so glad they did and so glad he beat that. But his rejection of Trump during the 2016 election appears to be when things started to unravel for him. He had been one of their national hosts, but he was dumped and replaced with Sebastian Gorka, who worked for Trump.

Finally, about the start of 2024, he was dumped by his home station. As of now, I don’t think there’s a radio station he’s on. I haven’t found one listed on his website. Instead, he has a podcast. I used to subscribe to the podcast version of his radio show, but I wasn’t getting enough out of it relative to the time needed to listen, so I couldn’t justify the expense.

At least Larry Elder is back on Salem programming after taking time off to “run for” Governor of California and then for the Republican nomination for President. I write that as “run for” because, while I like the Sage, he had to have known he wasn’t actually going to win, so his candidacies had to have been about something other than his winning those elections. That’s fine; many people run for various reasons. But I’m glad he’s back on free radio.

All of the above are in their 70s. How much longer will they be doing radio? Who will replace them? Yes, there are newer, younger hosts, but will those hosts ever have the same influence these others once had? Will they actually broadcast on free radio?

Almost as old as the hosts listed above is Tom Leykis. Except for the occasional interview or filling in for a day, he hasn’t been on radio since early 2009, so that’s one reason he’s last in this post. He ended his live, self-owned Internet stream in late 2018, doing a podcast since. Then, this year, he retired himself. Not only did he announce the end to his podcast, but he shut down his entire operation, removing his archive. He cites insurance concerns, meaning a fear of getting sued over something he said, but I think he doesn’t want the hassle or expense of maintaining an archive and handling customers.

This, too, shall pass.

One Difference Between My Wife and Me

One of many differences between my wife and me is that if I had a spouse who enjoyed giving enthusiastic oral sex that culminated in orgasms, I'd let them do that daily, or at least every other day, rather than once every three-to-six weeks.

Sigh.

Sensational Headlines Might Mislead

Law enforcement agencies are government departments, dependent on taxpayer money, and like getting credit for good deeds.

News media likes sensational headlines because it gets them clicks and viewers.

A lot of people have conspiratorial and crisis thinking, meaning they are sure there's a crisis going on, and it is the result of a vast conspiracy.

Every once in a while, there will be a headline like this:

"68 Missing Children Recovered From Human Trafficking Operation, [Law Enforcement Agency] Says"

That makes it sound like there was a building with 68 children inside of it, where strangers would go and pay money to sexually abuse them, maybe "buy" them to take home.

Shocking, right? How evil!!!

Except... that's not really what happened. And thank goodness it isn't.

Not Everyone Wants the Same Life as Dennis Prager

As of Friday, August 2, 2024, Dennis Prager continues to frequently mock DINKs (double income, no kids) and lament that fewer people are marrying and having a lot of children.

I’m certain he’s going to be doing this on a regular basis for the rest of his radio career/life. That everyone who is able should marry and raise kids is his foundational core belief; I’m convinced his belief in the God of the Bible and his identifying with the Jewish religion is because he sees both as supporting that core belief, rather than the other way around.  

Fridays still have his Happiness Hour and this time it included “How do you want to look back on your life?” Dennis had his foundational belief (marry, remarry if divorced or widowed, raise kids) from an early age. He often cites that married men in his childhood congregation got to wear a shawl (so what?), and that when a child is born there’s the Jewish tradition of praying for the child to grow up for good deeds, Torah, and marriage (so, peer pressure from long dead people). 

It either doesn’t occur to him or he completely rejects that other people might think and feel differently, and that it can be legitimate. To him, they must be immature or somehow defective or mistaken in their thinking. It’s almost like he wants to be a fertility cult leader.

He’s prone to trying to back up his disproportional emotional fixation by citing alleged correlations as if they’re causal in the direction he wants, and anecdotes rife with selection bias.

It’s important for young men listening to him to know he’s been twice divorced, he’s got another man’s son living with him (and will until he dies or has his third divorce), he lives in a wealthy area, he constantly travels, he never eats a home-cooked meal from his home, and he rejects the norms of modern fatherhood under which the listeners will be expected to parent.

He finally referenced that last part, correctly asking if the current norms of parenting are discouraging some people from having children. He’s previously indicated he rejects them, by the way he talks about them. He expects children to occupy themselves, sit at the table with adults to be seen and not heard, to attend a peer’s birthday party without his involvement, to be fine with him NOT attending their artistic/scholastic or sports participations, and to sometimes stay home while he (and possibly whichever woman he’s currently married to) travels for fun. He’s encouraged grandparents of means to pay for their grandchildren to be homeschooled (such as replacing income), but how many people truly will be able to do that, and have it work with the family dynamics? Some will see that as giving the grandparents too much power.

He says people shouldn’t let children completely change their life.

But they will. Otherwise, they’ll be considered bad parents. We don’t live in the same world in which Dennis raised, or had his wife raise, children.

Children will change everything about the life of people having them now.

Dennis has made it clear he doesn’t think a marriage should stay together for the sake of minor children; I’d like to ask his children about that.

I get the impression Dennis’ life would be much the same whether or not he had children. He’d still do the work he did, he’d still travel like he does, eat like he does, observe sabbath like he does, attend/run a synagogue like he does, smoke cigars like he does, divorce and remarry. Most people don’t carry on life the same way once they are parents, nor should they.

Dennis HAS repeatedly indicated children put a damper on a sex life. Even as a marriage seller, he has to admit that. He chuckles about it. It’s not funny when you live through it.

Speaking of sex, he has written columns and made statements that draw accusations of supporting marital rape. Ladies, you should be clear about what Dennis means when he says you should marry: He thinks you will owe your husband sex, sex is something women do for men, and it’s fine for your husband to divorce you if you don’t hold up you end of the contract.

But in turn, he believes a husband owes you money, attention, romance, protection, etc. And your husband should still be the father for any kids, including conceived in adultery. 

His urging you to marry isn’t simply about getting you through a religious ceremony and into a state contract. It’s about a whole set of behaviors to which he thinks you should conform. 

He thinks you, ladies, will be much more rational if you have a husband, and it’s your lot in life to turn irresponsible, even violent “boys” into “real men” by being their wife.

During that particular Happiness Hour, Dennis again asserted that a man will work harder if married. If/when true, it means a man can spend his time doing what he wants if he stays free. He also again asserted that he doesn’t understand the thinking that one should be financially stable before marrying, in part because he says two can live “more cheaply” than one. 

This is horribly misleading to young men.

One of the most common reasons for marital strife and divorce is money. And remember, Dennis wants you popping out babies right away, so it won’t be just two. Guys, you shouldn’t marry, but if you’re going to, you should definitely wait until you’re financially well off and have achieved your dream, because marriage kills dreams and it costs men a lot of money, and the more wealth you have, the hotter the wife you can attract. 

People like Dennis can’t accept that life has changed.

We deal with reality here on this blog. We deal with the way things are. And with the way things are, most men shouldn’t marry, and most of those who shouldn’t marry shouldn’t have children. Get a vasectomy. Either go monk mode or run game. Or, if you absolutely must delude yourself into thinking you can have a woman who’ll meet your needs as long as you’re exclusive to her, don’t sign a terrible state contract with her and each of you should have your own places. She can stay responsible for hers. (DINKs aren’t ideal - most men should stay free.)

Be able to look back on your life and be happy you didn’t waste so much time, money, energy, and whatever else on a woman or women who ended up hating or resenting you. 

How’s Your Summer Going?

How’s your summer going? (Or, if you’re down under, your winter?)

Do you enjoy this time of year, or do you simply endure it?

Although I was a good student, as a kid I loved the freedom and activities of summer. I didn’t like to think of school restarting, and I was quick to push from my mind the thought that once I was a fully employed adult, I’d only get “two weeks” of vacation per year. Although, when I got a job the summer before my senior year of high school that had me on full-time hours, I did enjoy it overall as I saw it as important for my future.

Today, I enjoy some aspects of summer but time passes by so quickly and the changing seasons are another reminder of that.

I’m never at a loss for things to post on this blog. I have many unfinished draft posts. But my responsibilities keep me occupied, so sometimes this blog can go a while between new posts. I do have hundreds of still-relevant published entries I bump back to the top, but if you’re following/subscribed to the blog, you probably don’t get notified when that happens. That’s why it’s good to bookmark this blog and check it frequently.

I do try to stay active on Twitter/X daily.

Always feel free to comment on any posts.

I hope you’re doing well. 

The Basic Dr. Laura Plan

This is "The Plan" Dr. Laura puts forth in her media. She doesn't call it that, but I've gathered together here some of her teachings about how to go through life. Why? Well, I think there's a lot of good sense in her plan. I don't agree with everything, but overall, it's great. If you call her program with a problem, if she finds out you've deviated from this plan, chances are she'll cite your deviation as the cause of your problems, even if the problem is something people who've followed the plan have had.

Lifelong:

Avoid crime, substance abuse (including bad eating), video games, social media[1], and having people of low character as friends.

Eat right and exercise.

If you're fat, eat less and move more.

If someone harasses, molests, abuses, or assaults you, document it, report it and loudly call attention to it at the moment it happens so that there's a paper trail and others are warned.

If anyone in your family is evil or accommodates an evil person, cut them off and keep away from them.

Never take an ancestry or genealogy DNA test. If you or someone closely related to you already has, do not pursue contact with biological relatives who were not previously in your life. The exception is if a man has a biological child he doesn't know about who needs child support or lacks a father figure; the man is obligated to provide those things.

If you are adopted or the man who raised you isn't your biological father, do not pursue contact with your biological parents or relatives.

Mind your own business and do not gossip but DO stand between the evil and the innocent. Prepare for self defense.


While a minor: 

No sexual activity, especially not in your parents' home.

You will not have serious relationships as a minor.

Mothers Day is THIS SUNDAY May 12

Don't forget the mothers in your life, unless they've torn up their mother card.

Don't forget people like your stepmother, if you're trying to keep peace with her/your dad and she expects to be celebrated by you, even if she tore up her mother card.

And those of you who are foolish enough to be in a relationship with a woman who is a mother, you'd better do something for her, unless you want a fight.

Don't expect much reciprocation in June if you're a father or have taken on the role of a father.

To Whom Does Your Body Belong?

What are the possible answers?

• God
• Your church or equivalent (NOT to be confused with God)
• The State (government)
• Your parents
• Your spouse/partner
• Your children
  
• Yourself
  

How you answer this question will influence how you live. And while I insist most men should never marry, they should definitely not marry a woman whose answer to this question isn't the same as his. Of course, like so many things, a woman can CLAIM to think the same way he does on this, but her actions might indicate different. People in general might switch back and forth on this.

Few people, especially those who aren't active duty military, will say that their body belongs to the state, but they often think and act like it does.

Many conservative Christian "influencers" will say that our bodies belong to God, but God delegates them to our spouse when we marry.

Think about this, and whether or not your actions line up with your thinking.

If you're married, and you believe your body belongs to your spouse, do you really act that way? Does your spouse think and act like their body belongs to you?

Analyzing Dennis Prager’s Marriage Preaching Again

Hardly a day goes by that Dennis Prager is hosting his main broadcast program that he doesn’t try to sell marriage or lament that marriage rates are down. 

On Monday, March 4, 2024, during Hour 2, at 15 minutes into the podcast hour, he was lamenting that the Left destroys everything. He cited as a “proof” that “25 percent of Americans age 40 have never been married, the highest percentage in history.” (Good work, men, but we need that number way higher.)

He went on to cite an article about Taylor Swift and her burly boyfriend, saying women want a men who’ll protect them and provide for them. “It’s built in.” (This is a polite way of saying “gold diggers,” though Swift specifically doesn’t need anyone else’s money.)

He talks about Adam and Eve, trans women in sports, and then says maybe there will be pushback against “a woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.” 

“It’s a lie that women don’t need men, and men don’t need women. We are built, created to need each other. ‘It’s not good for man to be alone.’ It’s not good for women to be alone. There are exceptions. But overwhelmingly a man needs a woman and a woman needs a man.”

But life has changed, Dennis. People can thrive and have great, full lives living in a their own residence. And we’re not alone. There are 8 billion living people. 

“When men marry, they earn more, they’re more responsible, they drink less, they cavort less,” and he repeats “more responsible.”

Women tend to marry men who do or will earn more. But most of what a married man earns isn’t his. It legally goes to his wife, who’ll make most of the purchasing decisions.

By implication, Dennis is saying that if he hadn’t married; he’d be making less money, irresponsible, drunk, and cavorting. Except I know never-married men who are very responsible, don’t get drunk, and enjoy their life. This is a bit like saying, “People who take the train tend to travel from here to there.” OK. But people can fly now, or drive if they prefer. It’s not like having a nag with the proverbial loaded gun to your head is the only way.

“Ask almost any man who got married.”

Ask divorced men. The ones who haven’t killed themselves. Yet.

Hey Dennis, we can ask college grads if college made them better. Almost all will say yes. And yet you dismiss that. Who wants to say that they made a huge, costly mistake? 

“And women need men just as much. Many women go a little nuts - the staggering irrationality that has take over in so many cases of females in our society is proof. Men without women are wild. And women without men are often irrational.”

Dennis clearly has far more married women listeners than unmarried women. Otherwise he wouldn’t say stuff like that on the radio.

There are never married men who aren’t wild, but are very responsible.

There are never married women who are clear, rational thinkers.

Find out why, and see if that can be taught. No need to urge people to sign a terrible state contract.

I note that Dr. Laura says men need women far more than women need men. It’s one of many things I’d like to see her and Dennis discuss. But, she prefers complete control of her appearance in media and won’t argue or debate.

This Guy Wants Husbands to Pretend They Have Power

I generally think it is a good thing if someone tries to make existing marriages better. Really. I want to get that out right here upfront.

Let's take a look at this tweetstorm. Here's the TL;dr: Husbands, choose to be happy and content.

Over the past decade, I've met with dozens of men in failing marriages.

Most married men are, or will be, in a failing marriage.

If you want to be happy in a marriage that lasts, here's what you need to know:

Hmmm....

1 - They no longer believe they need what their wife offers.

Most men don't need what their wife offers. They never did. Don't believe me? When a man complains that his wife doesn't do something, if enough people hear it, he will always be told he can live without it, or that he can do it himself. No matter what it is. Sex, encouragement, companionship, cooking, cleaning, laundry, whatever. If a man can live without it, he doesn't need it. And there are men who aren't married, including some who never were married, who are doing well.

Unmarried Men: You Need to Get or Stay Scarce Until At Least February 15

Unmarried men, if you've been staying scarce for the last month or two when it comes to any woman who was thinking of you as husband material, keep up the good work!

For those of you who spent December and the holidays with such a woman, you really need to get with the program NOW!!!

You DO NOT want a woman trying to make you her husband, and so you need to get or stay scarce. Be busy. Be "sick."

There are ads on television, radio, and websites/apps right now trying to get men to plan romantic evenings and buy expensive items because February 14 exists. NO NO NO!!!

Don't be so ignorant, delusional, or masochistic that you're thinking you want to be exclusive to a woman.

Dennis Prager Latest Talker to Cut Back

Dennis Prager has become the latest longtime talk radio host to cut back.

Starting next week, his weekday nationally syndicated terrestrial broadcast program, and no doubt the pay podcast version of the same, will drop from three hours to two.

The publicized explanation is that Dennis wants more time to work on multiple books he wants to complete.

It hasn’t been unusual for him to take entire days off to work on a book, or for him to skip the last hour or entire days for travel or other activities, with a “Best of” recording or guest host taking his place. For a while he was also doing his third hour with a cohost.

I have no idea if he’s cutting back on the Dennis and Julie podcast or his fireside chats.

While I’m sure Dennis does want to complete more books, I wouldn’t be surprised if another reason for this change is to allow Salem or anyone else paying him to avoid paying him more with his new contract, or even to lower his pay.

Dennis notes he will be starting both hours at the top of the hour rather than six or seven minutes in, saying this will constitute a full radio hour more of content over the course of the week, meaning his listeners will only be losing four radio hours per week, not five. Shifting to :00 from :07 will mean losing the top of the hour news/traffic/weather many of his stations have. I will be curious to see if the ads are shifted to the other breaks. The length of the podcast hours will reveal this. 

Dennis is also announcing he’ll be doing a monthly chat with subscribers to his higher tier subscription, Pragertopia Plus. 

Dennis has had four dedicated hours each week: Ultimate Issues (Hour 3 Tuesdays), Male-Female (Hour 2 Wednesdays), Happiness (Hour 2 Fridays), and Open Lines (Hour 3 Fridays).

My guess is he’ll keep all four. Ultimate Issues will move to Hour 2 and his Friday program will start with the Happiness Hour.

It has never appeared to me that Dennis has had any trouble filling three hours five days per week. He can monologue, he has no shortage of guests, and I’ve never gotten the impression he’s struggled to get callers.

Though I vehemently disagree with him on his pathological pushing of marriage, I usually find his program a worthwhile listen, so I see losing 4-5 hours of it per week to be a negative. At least he’s still alive and on the air.

Should She Call Him?

 

Dr. Laura Schlessinger wants unmarried women to do less sex. She never talks about what she was doing in the past when she wasn’t married. She insists her show is a secular program; religion doesn’t come into play except for her to use a caller’s religion against them or to help them with something. So she can’t refer to religion as to why unmarried sex is wrong in general. But without that, she appears to be envious, or angry about “unfair competition,” or lowering the price of sex. She tries to avoid that by citing mental and physical health concerns and social stigmas (which she attempts to perpetuate).

Just about every episode of her program has calls from prior episodes dropped in, unannounced, as filler and I don’t know if this call is one of those. But it did appear in Hour 2 of Wednesday, January 24, 2024. “Anna” appears 26 minutes into the podcast hour. 

Anna explained that she’s not sure if she should reach out to someone she was dating for two months. She’s 30, he’s 35.

“Everything was going great” and then he “unexpectedly” said he needed to put them “on pause” because he had some “emotional things he needed to deal with,” that he “adored” her and that he “hoped to call her soon.”

Yes, it’s likely those “emotional things” are women who are hotter and/or f—- better than Anna. But there is a slight chance he really did need to sort through some emotional considerations on his own.

“Should I reach out to check in on him?” asked Anna.

“OF COURSE NOT.” declared Dr. Laura. 

Please note that Dr. Laura is generally going to discourage women from appearing to be the pursuer.

“That was the nicest way to dump you.” Dr Laura said he was classy but she doesn’t like it when “people dangle some hope.” She told Anna, “Get on with your life. Assume it’s over.”

Anna started talking and Dr. Laura loudly interrupted her, which is her habit. 

“A. He’s not that interested.

“B. Maybe he is but he’s screwed up in the head.

“Either one of those is not that good for you.”

That’s where the call should have ended. But Dr. Laura is lonely, horny, frustrated, and not happy that if she wants a man, she has to compete against easier, younger, hotter women. 

So she continued the call.

“Did you have intercourse with him? -Oral sex? -Anything else?” She tells callers not to keep talking after they ask one question but she asked three before the caller could get a word in edgewise. 

Anna: “Yes.”

(The rest of the quotes below are from Dr. Laura, pontificating.)

“How stupid you are, as a woman, to do that?”

Why did she include “as a woman?” Would it be OK if it was two gay men? Perhaps because Dr. Laura talks as though men should pay women for sex, and there’s no way the guy had paid enough yet.

“In two months.”

She never gives an acceptable time frame. If it must be in marriage, that means waiting until your late twenties, spending about two and a half to three years, according to the timeline she pushes, getting legally entangled in a bad state contract, and THEN finding out whether or not you enjoy each other sexually. 

“Not knowing the guy.”

This is correct. You really don’t know someone well that soon. On the other hand, there are situations in which Dr. Laura would decide that’s more than enough time to decide someone should be out of your life entirely. Why isn’t it long enough to decide you want to get sexual?

“The sex is meaningless. Is it the same thing as brushing your teeth? It must be.”

Is enjoyment meaningless? What exactly would make the sex meaningful? Dr. Laura didn’t say.

“How many guys are you going to have sex with because you like him and you’re dating?”

I’d like a woman to respond to this and say “As many as I want to.” But they’re usually so taken aback by the scolding and nervous about being on the air in the first place that they just take the haranguing. Seriously. Without a religious rule prohibiting it, what’s the argument against it? Pregnancy? Diseases? There are precautions they can take.

“How does sex become lovemaking?”

When there’s love.

“In the future, how will sex be meaningful?”

The same way going to dinner will be meaningful. Imagine a guy saying “I’m not taking you out for a nice dinner because I’m saving that for my future wife.” Same with gifts. Or long talks.

“If a future guy says how many men have you had and you have to say 15, is he going to be interested?”

This is funny, because Dr. Laura berates husbands who are upset after they find out their wife has had more lovers than he thought. She condemns husbands for even trying to find out. But if Anna and any future guy do discuss their experience, and he’s not OK with her “body count,” then they’re “not a match” as Dr. Laura is so fond of saying. 

“How do you keep sex important if you just use it as a part of dating because you’re attracted?”

The same way you keep going out to a nice dinner important.

“How do YOU become important if you use sex as part of attraction?”

What does that even mean?

“I think women your age don’t think about any of this. You just operate out of the moment.”

There have always been women like that, some of them Dr. Laura’s age.

“But when you add up all those moments, you’re not going to be proud of yourself, pleased with yourself, or even happy. And you could end up quite depressed. Because how many times are you going to get naked and do it and not end up with anything meaningful? And how do you think you’ll avoid depression at that point?”

This appears to be relying on the kind of stigma Dr. Laura tries perpetuate. “You’re going to feel upset at yourself because women like me are going tell you that you should.”

If Anna regrets having casual sex, then sure, having casual sex is going to bring her negative feelings.

But if she doesn’t regret it, it’s a different matter.

When describing the situation, Anna had said everything was going great. Although Dr. Laura will often deny such a statement as true, it is what Anna perceived. That means she liked the guy. The sex must have been good and she didn’t regret it, which is why she wanted to reach back out to him. If she regretted the sex or there was something about the guy she didn’t like, she wouldn’t have done the call with Dr. Laura. 

Most likely, the guy found Anna to be too clingy, demanding, somehow flawed, or just not as much fun as his other options. Dr Laura was correct in saying Anna should move on with her life. If the guy reaches out, it’ll most likely be because women he prefers more aren’t available that evening or that week.