Should She Call Him?

 

Dr. Laura Schlessinger wants unmarried women to do less sex. She never talks about what she was doing in the past when she wasn’t married. She insists her show is a secular program; religion doesn’t come into play except for her to use a caller’s religion against them or to help them with something. So she can’t refer to religion as to why unmarried sex is wrong in general. But without that, she appears to be envious, or angry about “unfair competition,” or lowering the price of sex. She tries to avoid that by citing mental and physical health concerns and social stigmas (which she attempts to perpetuate).

Just about every episode of her program has calls from prior episodes dropped in, unannounced, as filler and I don’t know if this call is one of those. But it did appear in Hour 2 of Wednesday, January 24, 2024. “Anna” appears 26 minutes into the podcast hour. 

Anna explained that she’s not sure if she should reach out to someone she was dating for two months. She’s 30, he’s 35.

“Everything was going great” and then he “unexpectedly” said he needed to put them “on pause” because he had some “emotional things he needed to deal with,” that he “adored” her and that he “hoped to call her soon.”

Yes, it’s likely those “emotional things” are women who are hotter and/or f—- better than Anna. But there is a slight chance he really did need to sort through some emotional considerations on his own.

“Should I reach out to check in on him?” asked Anna.

“OF COURSE NOT.” declared Dr. Laura. 

Please note that Dr. Laura is generally going to discourage women from appearing to be the pursuer.

“That was the nicest way to dump you.” Dr Laura said he was classy but she doesn’t like it when “people dangle some hope.” She told Anna, “Get on with your life. Assume it’s over.”

Anna started talking and Dr. Laura loudly interrupted her, which is her habit. 

“A. He’s not that interested.

“B. Maybe he is but he’s screwed up in the head.

“Either one of those is not that good for you.”

That’s where the call should have ended. But Dr. Laura is lonely, horny, frustrated, and not happy that if she wants a man, she has to compete against easier, younger, hotter women. 

So she continued the call.

“Did you have intercourse with him? -Oral sex? -Anything else?” She tells callers not to keep talking after they ask one question but she asked three before the caller could get a word in edgewise. 

Anna: “Yes.”

(The rest of the quotes below are from Dr. Laura, pontificating.)

“How stupid you are, as a woman, to do that?”

Why did she include “as a woman?” Would it be OK if it was two gay men? Perhaps because Dr. Laura talks as though men should pay women for sex, and there’s no way the guy had paid enough yet.

“In two months.”

She never gives an acceptable time frame. If it must be in marriage, that means waiting until your late twenties, spending about two and a half to three years, according to the timeline she pushes, getting legally entangled in a bad state contract, and THEN finding out whether or not you enjoy each other sexually. 

“Not knowing the guy.”

This is correct. You really don’t know someone well that soon. On the other hand, there are situations in which Dr. Laura would decide that’s more than enough time to decide someone should be out of your life entirely. Why isn’t it long enough to decide you want to get sexual?

“The sex is meaningless. Is it the same thing as brushing your teeth? It must be.”

Is enjoyment meaningless? What exactly would make the sex meaningful? Dr. Laura didn’t say.

“How many guys are you going to have sex with because you like him and you’re dating?”

I’d like a woman to respond to this and say “As many as I want to.” But they’re usually so taken aback by the scolding and nervous about being on the air in the first place that they just take the haranguing. Seriously. Without a religious rule prohibiting it, what’s the argument against it? Pregnancy? Diseases? There are precautions they can take.

“How does sex become lovemaking?”

When there’s love.

“In the future, how will sex be meaningful?”

The same way going to dinner will be meaningful. Imagine a guy saying “I’m not taking you out for a nice dinner because I’m saving that for my future wife.” Same with gifts. Or long talks.

“If a future guy says how many men have you had and you have to say 15, is he going to be interested?”

This is funny, because Dr. Laura berates husbands who are upset after they find out their wife has had more lovers than he thought. She condemns husbands for even trying to find out. But if Anna and any future guy do discuss their experience, and he’s not OK with her “body count,” then they’re “not a match” as Dr. Laura is so fond of saying. 

“How do you keep sex important if you just use it as a part of dating because you’re attracted?”

The same way you keep going out to a nice dinner important.

“How do YOU become important if you use sex as part of attraction?”

What does that even mean?

“I think women your age don’t think about any of this. You just operate out of the moment.”

There have always been women like that, some of them Dr. Laura’s age.

“But when you add up all those moments, you’re not going to be proud of yourself, pleased with yourself, or even happy. And you could end up quite depressed. Because how many times are you going to get naked and do it and not end up with anything meaningful? And how do you think you’ll avoid depression at that point?”

This appears to be relying on the kind of stigma Dr. Laura tries perpetuate. “You’re going to feel upset at yourself because women like me are going tell you that you should.”

If Anna regrets having casual sex, then sure, having casual sex is going to bring her negative feelings.

But if she doesn’t regret it, it’s a different matter.

When describing the situation, Anna had said everything was going great. Although Dr. Laura will often deny such a statement as true, it is what Anna perceived. That means she liked the guy. The sex must have been good and she didn’t regret it, which is why she wanted to reach back out to him. If she regretted the sex or there was something about the guy she didn’t like, she wouldn’t have done the call with Dr. Laura. 

Most likely, the guy found Anna to be too clingy, demanding, somehow flawed, or just not as much fun as his other options. Dr Laura was correct in saying Anna should move on with her life. If the guy reaches out, it’ll most likely be because women he prefers more aren’t available that evening or that week.