The Basic Dr. Laura Plan

This is "The Plan" Dr. Laura puts forth in her media. She doesn't call it that, but I've gathered together here some of her teachings about how to go through life. Why? Well, I think there's a lot of good sense in her plan. I don't agree with everything, but overall, it's great. If you call her program with a problem, if she finds out you've deviated from this plan, chances are she'll cite your deviation as the cause of your problems, even if the problem is something people who've followed the plan have had.

Lifelong:

Avoid crime, substance abuse (including bad eating), video games, social media[1], and having people of low character as friends.

Eat right and exercise.

If you're fat, eat less and move more.

If someone harasses, molests, abuses, or assaults you, document it, report it and loudly call attention to it at the moment it happens so that there's a paper trail and others are warned.

If anyone in your family is evil or accommodates an evil person, cut them off and keep away from them.

Never take an ancestry or genealogy DNA test. If you or someone closely related to you already has, do not pursue contact with biological relatives who were not previously in your life. The exception is if a man has a biological child he doesn't know about who needs child support or lacks a father figure; the man is obligated to provide those things.

If you are adopted or the man who raised you isn't your biological father, do not pursue contact with your biological parents or relatives.

Mind your own business and do not gossip but DO stand between the evil and the innocent. Prepare for self defense.


While a minor: 

No sexual activity, especially not in your parents' home.

You will not have serious relationships as a minor.



Eighteen and Older:

You leave home at 18/done with high school and you're on your own other than certain college costs. If you have a disability that hinders independence, you can find a group home.

College is for people who are good students, know what they want to do to earn a living and it truly requires college. Otherwise, go for training or the military or work full time (and likely then some) or join the Peace Corps. If you figure out after a couple of years what you want to do and it requires college, then go to college.

Your relationships shouldn't be serious until your late 20s and men really shouldn't be dating seriously unless they can support a wife and kids. Never shack up and unmarried intercourse should be avoided. If there is a pregnancy, you either go get married immediately (if you're prepared for that) or the child should be placed up for CLOSED adoption to a married man and woman who can give the child a good home. NO elective abortion.

Men pursue and men pay.

Dating is to discern if you're a match. You find dates through being introduced by mature, quality people you respect or through a worthwhile shared activity, NOT ONLINE or in bars or clubs. Dates will be in your age range (men can be nine years or less older), will have no prior marriages[2] or children, will have followed The Plan, and are of the same or compatible religion as you[3]. They will be in the country legally and permanently.

After about two years of dating IN-PERSON with no red flags and you accept everything about each other, and your girlfriend or boyfriend has no personality disorders and is done with their education, get nine months of premarital counseling with a LMFT or MFCC who specializes in premarital counseling before getting married. If you don't have good parents and/or siblings, your spouse-to-be should, and you'll live close (but not too close!) to family. You will agree on how many children to have, and that should be four or fewer; one is optimal.

There is no customized prenup for first marriages; you will have the state's de facto prenup.

The wedding will not be a destination wedding.

Upon marrying, the couple moves in together (to a new place or his place) and will combine financial accounts.

The couple and any children they have will have their privacy from the rest of the world, not having other relatives or friends living with them, staying with them for long periods of time, or living on the same property or same block.

Treat each other well, being romantic, playful, flirtatious, sweet, kind. Be girlfriend and boyfriend, make her feel like a woman and make him feel like a man, waking up each day thinking about what you can do for each other. Don't do anything, like spending time alone with someone of the opposite sex, that could give a reasonable spouse concern or could give the appearance of being unfaithful. If you care more about the feelings of a friend or coworker or parent or sibling over the feelings of your spouse, something is wrong.

Keep the marital bed sacred, which includes not letting the kids or anyone else touch it.

Age 40 is the cutoff for women to having children. It's not fair to children to have elderly parents when they are finishing high school. If you are unable to have children biologically, consider adoption, but never adopt a close relative's child (unless you're the grandparent and the parent will pretty much be out of their life) and do not foster or adopt if you already have biological children unless those children are grown.

The children will be raised full-time by a parent (not a nanny, babysitter, daycare, or relative) until they are six years old and enter Kindergarten. Anything prior to Kindergarten, whatever it is called, is daycare and abandonment, and is to be avoided at almost all costs.

The children will not have or appear on social media.

The children will not have online tablets or smart phones until they earn and pay for them with their own money. A limited phone with specified, monitored texting and calling is OK when they're older and for emergencies.

Children earn things.

Parents don't argue with children. Parents don't scream at children.

If the young child has trouble sleeping, a stuffed animal that plays the in utero heartbeat sound will do the trick. If the child is older and doesn't want to stay in their room, set up a reward chart that gives them a star for every night they stay in their room, and they get a prize at the end of the week.

The children will be in a private religious school or will be homeschooled, and if in private school, they will have a parent with them before and after school, not left in daycare before or after school.

The parent who will "stay home" with the children will preferably be the mother, especially for the first three years, because the children came out of her body and she's more psychologically and biologically equipped to nurture small children, and because most men tend not to do well married to a wife who is the breadwinner and women tend to have less respect for a dependent husband, and women who are working full time have a harder time adjusting to being a wife and mother after a long day of work than a husband has adjusting to being a husband and father. She can work while the children are in school as long as it doesn't interfere with her being a wife and mother.

The working parent earns enough to support the family but will be home almost every night for family dinner and home enough in general on a weekly basis.

Stay in the marriage until the kids are grown, unless there is actual abuse.

Remember, children leave the nest at 18. They can come for chicken dinner once a week.

Parents give to children, not the other way around. For example, never accept organs from your living children.

You are not to be burden on your children (remember to earn enough), other than them making sure professionals are caring for you correctly. You will not move in with them or live on their property.


There may be some things I've left out, but this is what she teaches on her show. If you call her with a problem and she finds out you've deviated from this plan, she will likely cite that deviation(s) as the cause of the problem you're calling with. Kids acting up? It is because you're not home for dinner or because you gave them things without them earning it or you divorced. This reflects her teachings; I don't agree with everything.



Notes:

1. Dr. Laura's personal, voluntary presence on social media is mostly limited to her show. She interacts on Facebook and Instagram, but doesn't get involved with Twitter; her show's Twitter account is handled solely by staff (and is no longer active). She does invite listeners to interact with these accounts, even though she also tells listeners not to be on social media. Dr. Laura's position is overly cautious, perhaps a bias resulting from her early experiences with online technology. She will sometimes post some personal pictures of her, and also her son and daughter-in-law [update: she stopped posting anything showing or mentioning her son’s current life or her daughter-in-law as of 2022 or so, and doesn’t mention them on her program except for stories of her son was a child]. She regularly posts videos of her workouts.

2. Exceptions: If someone was widowed through no fault of their own, or they were married very young and realized they made a mistake and quickly decided to annul the marriage or divorce and they learned and changed for the better. In either case, there were no children or the child was adopted out in a closed adoption.

3. Religion tends to become more important when children come along and people tend to default to the religion of their family or youth, so even if you or the person you are considering for marriage doesn't have a strong religious conviction, belief, practice, or affiliation, if whatever nominal religion you have is conflict with theirs, you're not a match.