Why Did I Get Married?

Why did I ever want to get married?

If you read this blog, you have to have noticed that I now warn most men against marrying. So why did I get married? Why did I want to?

Well, it can probably be explained by several things, including, in no particular order:

• being raised by middle-class married parents
• choosing Evangelicalism (which wasn't my parents doing), which was pushing marrying as one of the central, main goals in a good life
• virtually all media I was exposed to growing up and into my early adulthood portrayed marriage as the goal, as the default, as the happily ever after, and implied that only a loser or freak (or gay person) "couldn't" marry
• as far as I knew, my parents and all of their siblings got married and stay married
• likewise my grandparents stayed married until death
• my older sibling got married and, so far, stayed married
  
• being generally conservative, loyal, affectionate, and a "hopeless romantic" 
• wanting sex, and being hoodwinked into thinking that marriage meant lots of good sex, and I was of the belief that "unmarried" sex was wrong (What really constitutes marriage, from a Biblical perspective, is a whole different matter than I realized.)
• thinking I wanted to raise kids and that having and raising kids what something I was supposed to do, and that being legally married was the best way to do that 
• having had a great relationship with a girlfriend and thinking that it would be possible to have that same kind of relationship with a wife who, unlike the girlfriend, is religiously and politically compatible
• mistakenly thinking I'd found a woman who would be compatible, fit the profile of what I was looking for in a wife, and would be a pleasant, positive, productive influence on my life
  

Does any of that sound familiar to you?

That at least three neighbors and some friends and extended family had divorced parents and that my own parents ended up divorcing should have been a tip off, but it wasn't.

Over the years, my delusions slipped away and my ignorance was reduced. That's why I now realized I shouldn't have married, and most men shouldn't.

Our media, our religions, and often our families call much attention to weddings and marriage, but not to divorce, save for scandalous celebrity divorces. If we could see all the misery in marriages, if every divorce was given as much attention as every wedding, if we were to pile together all of the media that claims to help marriages, if we could line up every divorce lawyer out there in one place, and if more thriving free people were visible, fewer men would be so delusional or ignorant as to think as I did.

This is one reason why it is so important to let men and boys know that they don't have to marry; that they can be great men and live good lives without ever marrying.

I was doing well on my own. My finances were in great shape and I was on track to retire very well off and reach my career goals. I enjoyed my hobbies and friendships. I spent time with my parents (separately), siblings, etc. I traveled. I was healthy. I had a nice residence. That was all without being married.

That I enjoyed my time alone and so many of the activities I most enjoyed where solitary should have been a huge clue to me.

Now I know that:

-Most marriages fail. 

-Most men can get everything they want out of life without ever marrying. 

-Marriage is a bad deal for most men.
-Present-day Evangelical restrictions on sexuality aren't all from extant Biblical commands.

-Men can be great Christians without ever legally marrying.

-I had a great life when I was a Free Man.

Don't make the same mistake I did. Stay free.