I am 21 and have been with a great guy, "Albert," who's 20, for more than a year.Strike one. You're both too young for a serious, exclusive relationship.
We're engaged to be married
Strike two! Uh, we're not in the eighteenth century anymore. People live into their 70s and beyond. People are rarely established before their later 20s. The odds are against your marriage lasting (unless they are strong Evangelicals or Mormons living within an Evangelical or Mormon community – which is disproven by what comes next...)
and live together in a condo we recently bought.Strike THREE! Shacking up together and making a major joint purchase together. Yuck. Now you've really lowered your odds.
We both work full time and support ourselves comfortably.Okay. Good. Are you both finished with school? What college degrees do you have? Are have you let playing house take up your time?
While I would love to marry Albert, I feel we are young and I see no need to rush into it.Then why are you engaged? You just wanted a nice ring? Or you couldn't say "no"? Either way, it shows you are not ready to be a good wife.
Things are wonderful between us, but I'm not really looking forward to a wedding.Have you always been an atypical woman, or is something wrong here? Odds are on the latter.
Albert wants a formal wedding with family in attendance.
Why bother with tradition when you're already living as though you're married?
He says his parents and other family members would be upset if we eloped andThat's because he's still a boy. Otherwise, it would be about what the two of you want, not what his family wants.
would have trouble forgiving him.
Dear Abby responded:
What you should do is talk with your clergyperson.
Ah yes. A clergyperson who will be okay with the fact that they are shacking up? Church of the Redacted Bible?
Get out. Don't date for a while, and then start dating different people casually, not getting serious with any of them, at least for a couple of years. You're not ready to be married yet, and you shouldn't be engaged.
Hey, thanks for the Mormons marry young and that's cool thought - I don't know exactly what the stats are - it worked out for me (I was 20 and 1 week marrying a 19 yr old - good gravy, what were we thinking?!)
ReplyDeleteOf all the married-too-young LDS folks I'm acquainted with, it's true, the majority (thus far) have worked it out. Maybe there's something to Dr. Laura's advice to marry within your faith...
Hey, I'm not LDS but I call it like I see it. LDS and other religious groups who are very strong on family and community, strongly esteem marriage, strongly condemn fornication, and strongly discourage divorce... and otherwise provide structure and support... are more likely to see young marriages last.
ReplyDeleteAfter all, if neither spouse "believes" in divorce, then they are a lot less likely to get divorced. (Of course, they are also less likely to admit if they are miserable in their marriage.)
But when you have people so young who may not have a common worldview or religion, obviously don't have a problem with fornication and shacking up, and don't have the same kind of community/family support and pressure, then the odds are against the marriage lasting. They probably don't even know what they "want to be when they grow up".