Be Up Front About Purity Commitment

Yesterday I revisited part of a Dear Abby column from a few months back. Today I look at another part of that same column.

DEE IN SAN DIEGO wrote:

I am a sophomore in high school, and I need help with something. I am a die-hard Christian who strongly believes in the whole "no sex before marriage" deal.

Great. I hope it is really due to your faith and not some hormonal abnormality or psychological problem. If it really is because of your faith and convictions, than good for you.

All my old boyfriends have tried to take advantage of me.

Take advantage? You mean like you were asleep or drunk? Engaging in an activity that is mutually enjoyable and/or mutually sinful is not taking advantage of you, in and of itself. And you are only, what, 15, 16 years old? Why have you had ANY boyfriends, let alone multiple boyfriends?

When I say I am saving myself for true love, they always dump me.

Which is why they shouldn't have been your boyfriends to begin with – only your dates. And they are doing the right thing by dumping you. You are not what they want. Why should they waste your time, emotion, and energy? So they can pay for your entertainment and meals ad buy you gifts?

Do I tell the guy straight out that he's not getting any, or do I just wait until the subject comes up and casually mention it?

Tell him straight out ASAP. If he primarily wants sex or feels like it is a necessary thing for him, he may leave and you will not waste each other's time. If he's an idiot, he will spend a lot of time trying to change your mind or break down your resolve when he could be off getting serviced by easy girls. If you're an idiot, you will give in to him and he will get what he thought he wanted, only to realize that taking someone's virginity means dealing with someone who is inexperienced (and thus, less fun when what you really care about is fornication) in bed, and then that you'll always try to stay connected to him, long after you have broken up, because he was your first.

My wife told me on our first date. I was glad she did.

Dear Abby responded:

I see no reason to announce upon meeting someone that he "won't be getting any."

Maybe you think females should be able to get free entertainment, meals, and gifts under false pretenses. Or maybe you a re just delusional or ignorant about what these guys want.

Give the person a chance to know you, and while that is happening, avoid situations where you are alone and tempted.

Oh, so a horny teen male is going to change his mind about what he wants because she is so special? Look, if someone I barely knew said they wanted to take me for a drive in my car because it would be fun, and I really didn't want to consent to that, what sense does it make to hang out with that person who is fixated on that, in hopes that they would see other aspects of me?

Think about it. Why does a guy date a 15 or 16-year-old girl? Unless he's looking for a "beard" to cover up his homosexual feelings, or is part of a religious group where everyone tends to marry by 19, then he primarily wants to fornicate. Oh, he may be shy, lack confidence, or not really know how to get the situation there, but that’s what we wants. Otherwise, he would be focusing on his studies and perhaps a job, filling up his time with sports and hobbies. He can get companionship from his male friends. You really think guys that age want to go to a school dance to dance, or go watch chick flicks, and listen to some girl ramble on about her silly friends, or how hard she finds trigonometry?

She should be hanging out with other purity-pledge females and males in groups, in public or at least with a responsible adult keeping watch – if she wants to "date". Otherwise, she should be focusing on her studies and hobbies.