Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

A recent Dear Abby consisted of letters responding to a column from this past November that I'm sure I wanted to address at some point, so I'm taking the opportunity to do that.

SHORT AND TRENDY IN WEST TEXAS wrote:

How do I make my husband understand that how I cut my hair has nothing to do with him?

Actually, it does. Men are visual creatures. We get turned on, in part, by appearances. We need to get turned on to function sexually, unless we have an implanted pump. We aren't like women, who can use a lubricant if self-lubrication isn't forthcoming.

I am 30 years old, and I have a full-time job and three kids who are involved in everything.

Ah. I see. Maybe she doesn't care whether or not her husband gets turned on because she doesn’t have the time or energy for lovemaking. Doesn't her husband work? Why is she working full-time if she is a wife and has three kids to raise? Liberation?

Because I am always on the go, I need a hairdo that is easy to manage and cute, so I ended up getting my hair cut short. I love it. It makes me feel younger, cuter and trendy.

When my husband and I started dating, I used to have long, thick hair -- but I was not aware that keeping my hair long was "part of the deal."

Should it have been stated in a pre-nup?

Isn't it MY hair?

It's your hair as much as his paycheck is his and his penis is his. If he wanted to take a lower-paying job because he enjoyed it more, should he respond to your objections with "It’s my job."? You pulled a bait and switch.

Too many women are utterly unconcerned about what their husbands want, yet he is supposed to cater to all of her wants – and he is supposed to know them without her explicitly telling him. How many women do you know who have changed (cut short, usually) their hair soon after he signed on the dotted line? Yes, there are men who strongly prefer short hair. They date women with short hair. If they first noticed you with long hair and dated you with long hair, they expect you're going to stick with the long hair.

Dear Abby responded:

You cut your hair "purposely to go against what he wants"? I wouldn't call your husband selfish. I would call him controlling.

Okay, so then husbands should be able to groom themselves - or not - any way they want that's different than when dating, or their wives are controlling? And maybe she has a history of doing other unnecessary things knowingly against his wishes.

You are no longer the carefree girl you were when you were dating. You are a woman with real responsibilities. And it's time for your husband to grow up, too.

Husbands could say the same thing about romancing their wives. You want flowers or chocolates or a nice dinner out? Too bad! We're not "carefree" daters any more.

She needs to put her husband and children before her work.

Here are the letters from the other day.

BEN IN HUNTSVILLE, ALA wrote:

I, too, like my wife's hair long, and I see nothing wrong with urging her to keep it that way. Personally, I hate shaving and have suggested to my wife that I might like to grow a beard. She said, "No way," so I keep shaving.

Oh, but that’s different, because husbands are supposed to do what their wives want.

LONG HAIR NO MORE IN COLORADO SPRINGS wrote:

I had long hair when my husband and I first were married. It was his desire that I keep it long, but as time went on it became a big hassle with the daily grind. Finally I told him that if he wanted my hair long, he would be the one taking care of it. So for one week my husband got up at 5 in the morning to wash it, dry it and style it. At the end of the week he told me, "Honey, you can do whatever you want with your hair."

Nice. How about you also go to work for your husband, mow the law, fix the car, and move the heavy objects? How was it that you were able to have long hair before you married? It smacks of "I got him to sign on the dotted line, now I don't need to try anymore."

J.B. IN WINNSBORO, S.C. wrote:

I had the same problem with my husband. My response to him was if he wanted long hair, then he should grow HIS out. He hasn't bothered me about it since.

Probably because he found a woman with long hair.

Geez. It isn't like these men are asking these women for something unusual or unnatural. Ladies, you can’t help getting older. You can't help the sagging and the wrinkling and all of the other things that come with age without surgery. But you can keep you hair long.

Women like these, believe it or not, are a significant factor in why some men have called a marriage strike. If they are unwilling to keep doing something so simple to keep their husbands happy, it doesn't bode well for husbands.