Lady, Drop the Fat

Reality is sometimes harsh. This is one of those cases. Here is the honest truth from a guy. I’m not your father, brother, son, coworker, husband, boyfriend, or some other guy who has to be delicate or even dishonest in what I say in an attempt to avoid hurting your feelings or starting an argument.

Here it is: Losing the extra weight is the single most effective thing you can do to attract more/higher quality men.

Don’t believe me? Want to deny it? Look around you. Check out that People magazine and that red carpet coverage on television. How many successful, rich, famous, powerful, or gorgeous men do you see with fat or obese women? They are very rare, and in almost every case, they got together long ago, when she was in shape or he didn’t have two pennies to rub together. If he is a decent man, he is staying faithful to her. Otherwise, there’s a good chance he’s getting some on the side. Yes, there are some “cubby chasers” out there, even ones with some level of success. But they are considered the odd and rare exception. Most men who “chubby chase” do so because they believe (correctly or incorrectly) that women in better shape can attract a man more preferable than him, or it is a fetish.

It’s no use protesting that men are shallow. Shallow or not, this is the way it is. You can see it everywhere you go. As Tom Leykis correctly observes (and I don't always agree with the guy to be sure), “The size of the diamond is inversely proportional to the size of the finger wearing it.”

Is there a double standard? You bet there is. Men aren’t judged the same way. Sure, women like hardbodies and most would prefer a man who doesn’t have a spare tire, a potbelly, or a “keg” and does have six-pack. But women, in general, are much more likely to accept a man who is overweight or even obese if he can provide some level of financial security or at least access to a lifestyle of fame or wealth she craves. On the flip side, there’s a double-standard against men when it comes to material achievement/earning. Women aren’t held to that same standard.

But just as it is practical for a woman (especially one that wants to have children) to seek a man who can provide for her, and it isn’t necessarily “golddigging” - there are practical and legitimate reasons for men to seek out women who aren’t overweight – and it isn’t necessarily “being shallow”.

Keep in mind, I’m not talking about ten pounds here. I’m talking about fat, if not obese.

1) A man has to get physically aroused for there to be sexual intercourse. Most men are turned off by extra fat, or at least not turned on by a body carrying it. Men are very visual creatures, and liked to be turned on by a woman’s body. Women, if not naturally aroused, can use lube. Men need to get aroused to function.

2) Most men prefer an enthusiastic lover (if he likes you to play dead, or always wants to restrict your movement each time, there may be something wrong). Women who are in shape are more agile, flexible, and more likely to have endurance.

3) Most men prefer a healthy partner, especially if they are looking for a wife and a mother to their child. Obesity and even just being fat can bring many health problems and higher health and insurance costs.

4) The heavier the woman, the less likely contraceptive pills will be enough of a dosage to be effective.

5) Heavier people eat more (with very rare exceptions). Who is paying for that food?

6) In some cases, weight problems are a sign of mental or character problems – a lack of will-power, a lack of self-respect, a lack of concern about one’s health, compulsive behaviors, depression, etc. Sometimes, the weight seems to scream “don’t touch me.”

7) While it is easier to say “I don’t care what other people think”, the reality is that a man with a fit woman by his side, all other things being equal, is seen in a better light by others (both men and women) than a man who has an overweight woman by his side.

8) Obesity in parents makes obesity in their children more likely, and growing up is tough enough already.

If you’re in a relationship, especially a marriage, and have gotten fat during that relationship, it IS a problem. Your man might not say anything for fear of getting into a fight, hurting your feelings, or being punished in some way. So I am saying it here.

Baby weight should not still be around five years later. My own wife snapped right back into shape. I couldn’t believe it. I do not think it is so easy for all women, or even most. But it is possible. It shouldn’t take years, anyway.

Aging is unavoidable. Becoming overweight is not. And yet, the joke that “wedding cake” is the most fattening food out there rings all too true with too many men. When I was single and I would see these women who would start gaining weight immediately after getting married (often chopping off their hair, too), I thought it made a very poor “witness” for marriage. It didn’t make me want to get married, that’s for sure. It screams “Ha ha! I have your signature on the contract and now I don’t care if I look good for you!!!” I mean, really… what if the husband came home and said “I took a demotion at work today, because I don’t feel like working as hard anymore”?

Before I wrap up and subject myself to angry comments, I want bring up a few more points.

It doesn’t really matter what was considered beautiful 300 years ago or in some remote tribal village. We don’t live in an age and place where famines are a real threat and fat is a sign of being in a family rich enough to be able to sit around all day instead of working in the fields.

I’m not advocating the twiggy or “boy” look. Fashion models are usually chosen by gay men and other women, not straight men, so they are a poor indication of what straight men find attractive. But you can’t dismiss the women in magazines like Playboy. Playboy has done extensive research into what men find attractive. We can argue all day long about which came first - the media portrayals of the ideal female form or the tastes of men – but men do like that. I would like to insert the exception here that most men prefer natural breasts in reality, though breast implants can make for some good pictures. And yes, we know those photos have been retouched a million times, and she’s wearing body makeup and has special lighting and all of that. But the overall look is an ideal that most men have. None of those women are fat.

I’m not advocating women starve themselves. Women should get to a healthy weight by eating less and moving more.

I don’t personally go for the muscular or boy look. I like my women with curves, but there is a difference from simply being curvy and being fat. I had girlfriends with extra weight. I have had extra weight myself most of my post-pubescent life (though I’ve had times when I was down to an ideal weight). I’m not excusing my own fat. I know that people (especially women, but it does happen to guys, too) get treated differently for being overweight, and that sucks and in most cases, it shouldn’t happen. But it does. And coupled with the advantage in attracting men, there is good reason to drop the fat. If for nothing else, do it for your own health and happiness. While the “fat acceptance” people can scream all they want, I’ve never, ever heard of anyone who has lost extra weight who has regretted it – well, maybe the aspiring actor who used to get “chef” parts in commercials, but that is very rare. I know my life is better when I’m in shape.

All of the above being said, I can tell you guys like me would rather have a fat sweetie than a bikini model bitch.

However, we’ll go after bikini model sweeties most of all.