It Might Be OK to Get Married If...

It might be OK to get married if...

• You know for sure she's infertile
• You will each maintain separate residences and she has signed quitclaim deeds to any properties you own
  
• You will not co-mingle finances
  
• She has signed, on video, with her lawyer present, and with a judge going over it with her, an iron-clad prenup before a wedding date was set
• You do not agree to exclusivity, so she can't control whether or not you are going to go on dates or have sex
  

Otherwise, marrying is far too risky for most men and most men have no good reason to marry.

Another Reason to Remain Unmarried and Free

There are many reasons to stay unmarried, and I've listed some of them before here.

I've also discussed how Free Men can be morally superior to married men.

I recently realized another very important reason for men to remain unmarried and free.

I've seen repeated claims that we can't be sure a woman who is performing on a webcam isn't being trafficked. By the very same thinking, we can't be sure any woman who we'd marry isn't being trafficked into the marriage. She might say she's not, but maybe that's because she's being threatened to say she isn't.

There is a long history of trafficking fueling marriage and marriage fueling trafficking. Marriage wouldn't be where it is today without trafficking, and trafficking wouldn't be where it is today without marriage.

So, men, the only way to be sure you're not perpetuating trafficking of brides is to avoid marriage.

Stay free, men!

Motivation For Going Childfree

I wanted to take a moment to address a comment that was left after this page asking for one good reason for men to marry.

 Here's the comment:

The question you should really also ask is:
Why would you want to have children? If you really feel the urge to raise one or more, adopt them, there are waaaaay to many parentless kids out there. And when push comes to shove; Putting a child onto this horrible planet is more like a crime than "something that should be done". Humans are overpopulating, overconsuming its resources, wasting away the planet as it is, and it will take ages (and many pandemics) to have them scale down a bit. Here's my advice (after putting one daughter into this world, and still being together with the same woman I had the child with): DON'T commit yourself to one woman, and DON'T have children. It's going to be bad to bear witness to what the child has to go through, and it's going to be bad to realize your favorite woman stops being attracted to you, or vice versa. Staying together 'for or because of the children' is horror for how it will grow up.

I did write an entry asking if it is now irresponsible to have children. But that has nothing to do with environmentalism, population growth, or the general state of life in this world. It does have to do with the latter part of the comment: being tied to a woman and not being able to provide the child with a present mother and father, happily together.

We are not an overpopulated planet.

We are not in an environmental crisis, and human ingenuity will continue to address environmental challenges.

In some parts of the world, life is pretty good overall.

The problems we have right now include that the state has taken ownership of children while still placing all blame and billing on the parents; misandry and opposition to masculinity; a lack of responsible, appropriate, and genuine femininity; emasculating laws and culture; and detrimental family laws and courts (among others). Most people can't give a coherent, logical, rational, unselfish reason to have children, and most men shouldn't have children. A lot of people will not think this through, though, and will still have intercourse without taking steps to avoid conception, so most people, at least for a while, will continue to keep having children regardless.

Positions Dr. Laura Takes That Might Surprise Some

Both critics and supporters of Dr. Laura who think she's some religion-driven ultraconservative might be surprised if they listen to closely to her radio program. It helps to understand that she's coming from a position of what is best for children and makes a good society, not pushing a right-wing or Religious Right agenda.

Let's look at what might surprise some people.

When the Nest Gets Empty

Guys, did you leave your marriage when your youngest child reached 18, graduated high school, or left the nest? Were you waiting for that to happen? Are you planning to leave when that happens? Did you consider it, but stayed? If you stayed, did you make changes to what you'd tolerate from your wife, or how you behaved?

You can share your experiences and thoughts in the comment area below. You can be anonymous if you'd like, or write a comment for me that you don't want published (make it clear you don't want it published, if you don't).

I ask those questions above because it is something I think about. I have kids to raise, and absent what I'd count as a "strike three," I decided to keep the family intact ant least until the youngest is a legal adult and done with high school.

But I'm not sure what I'll do after that. I figured there are four basic options for me:

Adapt or Be Irrelevant

A pitfall of conservatism is when a conservative fails to deal with the reality that things have changed.

I'm not bashing conservatives. Most people would probably classify me as a conservative if I described most of my political and social positions. Obvious exceptions you might have noticed if you've read other entries on this blog is that I warn most men not to marry and I think professional antiporn crusaders are misleading people for personal gain.

I recognize that the truth is the truth regardless of the culture or what is in fashion.

And a truth that conservatives need to deal with is that some things change and if you're going to be effective, you need to meet people where they are.

Let's bring this into the world, to where the rubber meets the road.

Example: State marriage licenses. They are issued to same-sex couples and that's not going to change, unless states cease issuing marriage licenses entirely. Most conservatives have conceded this. Some still appear to be devoting their resources to trying to reverse this shift.

Two talk radio hosts to which I listen via paid podcast subscription, both of whom I think do a lot of good for people, demonstrate the problem with not accepting change.

Dr. Laura, despite what people might think who only know her through what other people say, has always held some positions that go against conservative consensus.

However, she usually refuses to help callers who are cohabitating outside of legal marriage. She usually won't help them with the problem or concern that's coming up within their relationship as it is. Instead, she tells them to either move out or go to the courthouse and get married ASAP. Very few of the callers are going to do either, and dismissing them with that won't help them in their marriage (if they do marry) or interpersonal relationships with each other or others if they do move out from each other.

I am generally against "shacking up" myself. However, most people who marry these days lived together before they did, just like Dr. Laura and her late husband. It's perfectly valid for her to explain why she now opposes shacking up (as long as she doesn't rely on statistics in a misleading way), and she can still do that. But the callers, and a wide swatch of her audience, will benefit more if she deals with things as they are. There are several other examples I could cite when it comes to the Dr. Laura Program.

I don't know of anything more foundational to how Dennis Prager views life and talks/writes about life than the notion that men and women should marry and raise children together, and that it is man's lot in life to financially support a woman. He is so convinced of this he constantly urges men and women to order their life around this. If they aren't married now, they should be actively seeking to marry, including if they've been divorced multiple times. If the Lord Almighty were to part the clouds and boom from the skies with a command to someone walking alongside Dennis that they shouldn't marry, Dennis just might go atheist.

Even though he acknowledges the severe problems with family law and courts, he still urges people to subject themselves to them. He needs to accept that we no longer live in small farming villages on family farms our entire life and don't need to birth our own farm hands. Men and women can both thrive living "alone" or without marriage.

Antiporn crusaders write and talk like scientists who aren't in their tank can't research and network, and that people can't check things out for themselves now. Their claims from forty-plus years ago like porn rots brains and turns people into serial killers are easily debunked now, but they still try to use those scare tactics. Porn isn't going away.

Life has changed, and tactics and positions need to change with it, or someone becomes ineffective.

What Timing!

How amazing is it that so many people manage to find THE One to marry in such a narrow sliver of time?

Most first marriages happen in the 25-35 age range.

Wow, out of eight billion people (OK, four billion if we narrow it down by sex), out of 60 years of adult life, so many people manage to find that ONE special someone in a narrow window of time. Sure, a few people marry someone they've known since their childhood or adolescence, but most people (where marriages aren't arranged) marry someone they met just a few years, at most, before the wedding.

Let's be real.

Not only are most of those people "settling," many of them think they are settling, no matter what they say.

Yes, some really do feel like they have actually found THE ONE and are blessed beyond expectations.

And yet... within five, ten, fifteen years, how many of them have demonstrated otherwise? Bitterness, resentment, abuse, affairs, separation, divorce, on and on it goes. Clearly they weren't THE ONE.

Some Christians (and I expect followers of some other religions) pray for their child's "future spouse" from the time they know they are expecting. The problem with Christian doing that is there is no guarantee in the Bible that everyone will find a spouse. Wanting your child to marry when they are adults and praying for the people they will interact with in their life is fine, but it is presumptuous to speak as though they will get married (and I wouldn't wish what's called marriage today on any son of mine.) I wonder what these people do when the marriage doesn't last, and their child is facing remarriage. The person they prayed for is an ex or dead, and now their child is potentially marrying someone they never prayed for all those years.

As unromantic as it is, chances are, there isn't THE ONE. There are two people settling for each other, because they are pressured or because they think it is how to get what they want or how to get to what they should do.

Common Marital Mistakes

Let's look at an entry on the Dr. Laura Blog about "marriage mistakes all couples make", which I'd cynically say starts with getting married in the first place. [This entry bumped up from April 2017]

1. Screaming.There is absolutely no justification for yelling at your spouse. If you’re upset about something, count to 15, and then calmly express yourself.

Guilty, guilty, guilty. I am. It's one reason I'm in therapy. I don't want to scream. My my wife would scream at me if she could. She does the equivalent through texts. One time in particular I screamed at her was when the kids were away for the night and I'd jumped through all of the hoops and I was hoping for some long-overdue lovemaking, and she made it clear it wasn't going to happen, basically because she didn't feel motivated to do it.

Yes, I screamed at her. I screamed at her that I was tired of being crapped on and rejected. I screamed that there were women who'd actually wanted me and it was a rotten thing to do to marry me when she didn't. Yes, I'm guilty. [It has been a long time since I last screamed. I'm a beaten dog and realize that I just have to endure, at least for now. - August 2022]

2. Ignoring. If you’re actually too upset to talk, just say, “I’m not ignoring you. I just need to take a little time-out to pull myself together, and then I’ll be good to go.”

I've never, ever ignored my wife. She has ignored me many times, and you know what? The more she ignores me, the better! It means less stress for me, less work for me.

Well, let me qualify that. It's OK as long as she's not going to be home alone with the kids, because then her ignoring me could be an indication that she's having a psychotic break.

3. Trying to agree on everything. Coming to a complete consensus on every issue is not going to happen.

Are you paying attention, guys? There will be disagreements, including unresolved disagreements. Do you really want to legally and financially bind yourself to such a situation?

If you have a difference of opinion, ask yourselves who cares more or is impacted the most. Then let that person make the decision and take the responsibility. However, if you’re not willing to accept the responsibility for something, you can’t bitch about it later.

Yeah, here's what happens with us. My wife will announce or request something. If I disagree, well, that's too bad. She's going to go ahead anyway. I might ask her questions, especially about the possible problems that might result from her decision, and she'll usually accuse me of being pessimistic and raining on her parade. Then, later, when what I was concerned might happen does happen, I'm stuck dealing with it because my wife will say she can't and that she didn't know things would be that bad. The one exception is that she wanted to keep homeschooling, and has wanted to return to homeschooling, but we put the kids in private school and have kept them there, but it was because a couple of experts, including one we needed to sign off on the homeschooling, said my wife wouldn't be able to keep doing it.

4. Making assumptions. Don’t assume anything! If you want to know something, ASK.

Generally good advice, but it can also be helpful to think through what the likely possibilities are before or without asking. Sometimes you'll realize you don't really care all that much and so there is no point to asking.

5. Not communicating. A lot of problems can be avoided if you simply talk to each other.

In our case, the less communication, the better. If she's not communicating with me, then I'm not being given more tasks to do, hearing about how I'm wrong or insufficient in some area, or how much sex is a burden to her. Or I'll hear less about some inane TV show I don't care about. So it's good if she communicates less. And I'm better off if I communicate less, because talking with her rarely improves anything for me. Rather, anything I say can and will be used against me.

6. Lying. If you ever think, “Boy, I hope my spouse never finds out about this,” then don’t do it.

I'm generally for honesty, but really, not telling her things she doesn't need to know is fine, at least in our case.

Sometimes, a spouse has something wrong with them, so that if you tell them something innocuous they'll launch into a tirade and be in a bad mood for a couple of days. Sorry, honestly, especially volunteering something, isn't the best policy in that case.

7. Not making your spouse a priority. Your spouse needs to be adored and appreciated, and given affection, attention, and compliments. Get your pride and ego out of the way, and stop dwelling on what you should be getting.

Generally, yes. But at some point, when things are not right, mitigation is necessary. Let's take the example of a trauma center surgeon. She's there saving lives. And that's her priority. But if she never thinks about her own needs, as in "I really need to be relieved so that I can tinkle, then get something to eat," then she's eventually going to collapse. Making your spouse a priority without them doing the same thing can only last so long.

Another in a Long Line of Articles Confirming What We Already Knew

In the opening of her Tuesday, February 7, 2023 program, Dr. Laura opened up reading from and adding to an essay written by a "BJ Foster." Dr. Laura didn't want to say the initials "BJ," even though she says penis, vagina, ejaculate, whore, hump, orgasm throughout her programs. Anyway the essay is "Five Reasons Your Wife Doesn't Want Sex."

We already know why.

Either she doesn't want it or she wants to punish or manipulate us.

When I heard what the topic was, this is what I wrote:

-They already have you
-They aren't attracted to you
-They don't have the same drive
-Everything kills their moods
-Hormonal shifts

You'll see how right I got it.

Share This Blog

I hope you notice and appreciate that this blog doesn't have ads, nor do I ask for or accept money.

This blog exists for me to think things through, vent, and hopefully help others.

If you have found anything here helpful, insightful, informative, or entertaining, please let others know this blog is here.

Copy and paste from this blog as much as you want, as long as you don't distort or misrepresent what I write here. It's great if you link back to the blog post when you do that, but in situations in which it is best for you not to, like when you're breaking up with someone, I understand if you don't.

I'd appreciate it if you would spread the word or continue to spread the word by linking to this blog in emails, social media, forums, wherever.

I can help more people that way.

So please, share this link: https://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com

Know Thyself

Anyone can benefit from doing this, but this is especially for anyone who is one or more of the following:

• Young
• Considering further education or declaring a major
• Looking for a job or to change jobs
• Looking or a new place to live
• Getting out of a marriage or relationship or considering it
• Feeling like you're in a rut or making no progress in your life 
• Facing or considering retirement
  

Believe it or not, your time is limited. To figure out what you should be doing, you really need to understand yourself well. Know thyself.

You're going to need some peace and quiet to do this. No distractions. You'll need time to think, to ponder, to reflect. You'll need to be alone. No spouse, no girlfriend, no friends - alone. No movies, no television, no social media, no books, etc. You want to be alone with your thoughts.

You might need to get a hotel room or motel room. You can only do this at home if you're really, really disciplined in being able to ignore and avoid distractions, and nobody will reach you.

A Question for Men Who Are Or Have Been Married

If you knew before you married what you know now about how she does/did things or handles/handled things, would you have married her?

It may be about how she parents the kids; maybe you don't like what she's done with them. But if you're happy to have your children, don't let that be the reason you come down on the side of "Yes, I would have married her." You could have had the children without marrying her. Think about how she treats you, how she handles life, independent of being a mother to your children. If she already had kids, they can be part of the consideration. How has she been or how was she as a wife? What has it been like dealing with any of her baggage? Knowing what you know now, would you have married her?

I ask because I was thinking about the sex life I have with my wife. If we'd had a sex life like this before we married, we never would have married. I wouldn't have married her. Having a great sex life was very, very important to me.

Women file the significant majority of the divorces, so it's not necessarily a given that a divorced man would say "Of course I wouldn't have married her!" For those of you whose wife divorced you, also add to your answer if you would have married her based on what the marriage was like before the divorce.

Comment below. You can stay anonymous.

Answering Marriage Seller Assertions, Talking Points, and Questions - Part 2

See the first entry in this series here for a bit of explanation.

Marriage matures people/makes them better/turns them into grownups.

The only evidence provided for this that I've heard is Dennis Prager asking married and divorced people if marrying made them more mature/better people.

That means he's asking people "Did something you chose to do make you a better person?" Do you think there just might be a reason for many people to say yes, even though the answer is no?

People are reluctant to say something that cost them a lot of time, effort, and money that they chose to do didn't improve them.

Dennis doesn't try this approach with college attendance, which he says, in almost all cases, makes people worse. If he were to ask most people who attended college, especially people who finished their degrees, if it made them better people, they'd say yes.

Time, age, and struggle can mature people. If people really want to take on voluntary struggles, they can find ones better to choose than marriage. People can and do mature without marriage. Cut out the middleman/middlewoman and seek maturity through other means. Don't sign a terrible state contract.


If you don't marry, your life will be empty and meaningless.

There is more than one way to answer this.

A) My life as a free man is already full and meaningful, so clearly this isn't true.

B) I'll take that risk.

C) Some married people kill their spouse. How full and meaningful is that?

D) Jesus and the Apostle Paul had full, meaningful lives without being married.


Not marrying is selfish.

There is more than one way to answer this.

A) Earlier you told me that marrying would make me wealthier and otherwise better off. Wouldn't marrying on that basis be selfish?

B) If staying in my default state of being free and not signing a terrible state contract is what you call selfish, so be it. I'd rather be free and have you claim I'm selfish than enter into a terrible state contract and have you applaud me for it.

C) Refusing to sign a terrible state contract is smart. Marrying is usually delusional, ignorant, or masochistic.

D) If I'm a selfish person, I should definitely avoid inflicting myself on someone in a marriage.

E) Explain to me how you marrying was selfless. [Listen closely to what they say.] You could have done that without a terrible state contract.


Remember, men, your default state is being unmarried. The burden is on the marriage seller to explain why you should marry, not on you to explain why you won't sign a terrible state contract.

Read Part 3 here.

Men Should Ask These Questions if They're Considering Marriage

This past Monday, Dr. Laura's opening commentary (and the question posted to her Facebook page) was about questions to ask (and, presumably answer) before marrying. [This was originally posted in December 2015 and I'm bumping it up.]

This inspired me to come up with my own list a man should ask himself if he's thinking about marrying a specific woman. So here they are, in no particular order:

Organizations of Which to Be Wary

Recently, a certain fraternal organization started within the last few years and its leader have been getting trashed online. I had been wary and a bit suspicious of the organization and its leader, even though he was saying many things with which I was agreeing. There were a few things he was saying and doing, and the tone he was taking, that made me suspicious. [This has been bumped up from January 2022. They are now supposedly offering a health care plan of sorts. What could go wrong?]

In no particular order, and subject to being revised and expanded, here are some signs you should be skeptical/cautious of joining or associating with an organization:

The Priorities of the Professional #Traffickinghub Crusaders

I used to fall for the kind of talking points regurgitated by the professional #Traffickinghub crusaders. Starting decades ago, I was on-board with their alarmism, their insistence that we are/were in a crisis. I've been closely observing the current personalities involved for many years now. [This was originally posted in June 2022.]

On the surface, it seems like the professional #Traffickinghub crusaders are extremely concerned about assault (rape, molestation, etc.). After all, that's one of the reasons for "trafficking."

But when they consistently ignore or refuse to focus on actual cases of rape and molestation at churches, schools, daycares, and other places, and instead take every opportunity to bash adult media, when they constantly use social media services to get attention and donations when those very services have had exponentially more of the very things these crusaders claim necessitates shutting down a porn site and criminally prosecuting its executives, things don't make sense until you consider that perhaps their goal isn't addressing assault, but rather amassing donations by attacking adult media.

It's been years since the "#Traffickinghub" campaign started, and their petition has been online. YEARS. What has happened with all of that time, up until this posting?

• PornHub removed unverified videos (such as those uploaded by users like your neighbor, often videos pirated from other users or websites) and will only allow videos posted by verified producers. Of course the professional Traffickinghub crusaders consider this a victory.
• Credit card companies no longer allow PornHub viewers to pay for their porn (and thereby pay performers) using their credit cards. Of course this has been seen as another victory by the crusaders, although they shifted to complaining that the credit cards are still involved through the ads on PornHub.
• Laila Mickelwait, who was touted as Director of Abolition at Exodus Cry, started something called the Justice Defense Fund.
  
• Laila Mickelwait has gotten a lot of attention from certain journalists and certain government hearings.
• Laila Mickelwait/Justice Defense Fund, Exodus Cry, and other organizations have continued to rake in donations.
• Laila Mickelwait has gotten social media mentions each time someone has signed her petition.
• Laila Mickelwait has broadened from focusing on PornHub to more adult media sites.
  
• PornHub is still online.
• PornHub executives haven't been arrested or charged with any crimes.
• People are still being raped and molested. I'm not aware of a single incident of any such crime being stopped by professional Traffickinghub crusaders.
  
• Videos of rapes, molestation, and "revenge porn" are still all over the Internet. I'm not aware of a single incident of any such crime being stopped by professional Traffickinghub crusaders.
• Performers have been inconvenienced and deprived of money.
• A man went on a mass murder spree at a massage business, and told investigators what sounds like Traffickinghub talking points.
  

Why, it's almost like this is all about lining the pockets and stroking the egos of a few people who have a religious objection to adult media, and not actually helping anyone else.

Laila Mickelwait constantly asserts that PornHub is a "crime scene" full of rape videos (despite the fact that they only have videos from verified producers), tries to harass advertisers and credit card companies, and even tries to get search engines to pretend that PornHub doesn't exist.

Why, considering social media platforms, churches, schools, and other adult websites have an exponentially more serious problem than PornHub ever did? Might it be because PornHub is the most popular and well-known porn site? Might it be that the goal is getting donations, especially from churchgoers and social media users?

It all makes more sense when considering that Exodus Cry's roots are in churches that have a negative fixation on adult media, often to the point of preaching against it more than sloth, envy, greed, gluttony, and gossip combined.

Yes, I’d Date A Transgender Person

PragerU has asked “Would you date a transgender person?”

We have to remember what makes someone transgender.

If someone claims to be transgender, we have to accept that they are.

If someone who has XX chromosomes, developed breasts, a clitoris, vulva, vagina, no penis/testicles/facial hair, appears feminine, hasn’t undergone surgery or hormone treatment to reduce femininity and gain masculinity, is attracted to men including me; basically, “assigned female at birth,” and had been living life entirely as a girl/woman until now, and was now claiming to be a trans man… sure, I’d date that person.

It also helps to remember that even if I found myself unmarried, I wouldn’t be looking for a wife or even an exclusive girlfriend, so it wouldn’t matter much to me what the person would say or think, as long as I found them attractive, they weren’t a threat, and they were willing to do what I’d want to do on a date.

I have zero interest in being with someone whose “vagina” was surgically constructed. Natural vaginas have certain qualities I desire. I have a classmate who posts on social media pictures of where their penis used to be, and describes the problems with what’s there now. No thanks!

The brains of women are different than the brains of men.

I’m into women. Women who were “AFAB.” And yes, If I was free I’d date a transgender person who is as I described early in this post.

Stay Strong, Unmarried Men

For all of you men who are not currently married, this is one of those times of the year family and certain cultural elements push you to marry.

One way is trying to make it seem like everybody gets married, that marriage should be your goal, and that only losers don’t marry. 

Jewelry companies run ads promoting the ridiculous notion that engagement rings make perfect holiday gifts. There are legal reasons why that’s a terrible idea.

Don’t fall for the trap.

If you’re engaged, don’t let the manipulations during this time of year push you into signing a terrible state contract (marrying).

Nor should you make any large purchases for, or with a woman. Want to buy something for your mother? Go ahead. But not a fiancée, not a girlfriend, or any other woman you’ve been seeing.

Don’t propose. Don’t co-sign a lease or mortgage or anything. Don’t move in with a woman or let her move in with you.

Stay free.

Follow the tags for this post, like “Free Men” and “Marriage Strike” and “Running Game” to be reminded why you should stay free and how to make the most of this time of year.

As always, feel free to comment. 

Is Divorcing Over Infertility Justified?

On X, I saw a screenshot of what appeared to be a Reddit post from a wife whose husband is divorcing her over infertility.

The X account was appalled at what the man was doing.

If you say that marriage is for procreation, indeed multiplying (and you mean by that creating three or more children), then isn’t their marriage invalid? Isn’t he right to end it and seek another bride?

Adoption isn’t multiplying. Someone else has already had the child. Adoption can be a beautiful thing, but it’s not multiplying.

Multiplying is conceiving more children, and according to a popular pastor I’ve heard, it’s having three or more children, presumably those children living long enough to repeat the cycle.

If you’re a philosophical naturalist or have any other overarching beliefs about reality that indicate the “point” of life is to perpetuate your genes, then of course he should do what it takes to spread his genes. Most Western women aren’t going to support or even tolerate him doing that with another woman while still married to her. Would this man’s wife support using “third party” reproduction so ensure his genes continue?

Worldview matters here. If the point of life/marrying is multiplying or perpetuating genes, he’s justified in seeking someone else.

If someone is going to say he’s obligated to stay married to this woman and NOT spread his genes through other women or “third party” reproduction, then they are admitting that multiplying is not mandatory and not a highest priority. They should also explain under what conditions divorce is permitted and hold women to those standards, not only men.

If the point of marrying is simply companionship, why involve the government?

Whatever your position on these matters, consistency will make your claims more serious to your audience.

Important Messages to Young Men - Know Thyself

The intro to this series is here.

Know thyself. Generally, the younger you are, the more about yourself you still have to discover. Also, things might change over time with experiences and with your determination to change something. Know yourself as you are now, and accept that you can and will change to some extent. 

Even though you’re young, what I advise here applies to you and is something you can do many times throughout your life. 

Knowing yourself will inform most of this series. For example, knowing yourself will help with your health and how you spend your time.

Use what you've got.

Develop or buy/rent what you need.

Own your flaws, faults, and shortcomings.

Know what you don't know. You can never know everything, but you can know where to find out or where to find someone who knows what you don't.

You can take calculated risks. What’s a good risk or bad risk might depend on who you are. 

Know what your goals are. For example, having children isn't for everyone, but if you want to truly want to be a father, then that should inform most of what you do. Do you want to work for yourself? Do you want to climb someone else’s ladder? Do you want live on a boat? Only you can figure out your goals. Leaving them up to a parent or partner isn’t good. 

One thing all of you should know is that if you’re an adult male, you ARE a real man. Don’t be manipulated by other people claiming you have to do what they like in order for you to be a real man.

Why Men Send Unsolicited Crotch Shots

There are two basic reasons men send unsolicited crotch shots, or "d--- pics".

1) Exhibitionism has long been a thing. The stereotype used to be of the guy wearing the hat and coat flashing women in a park. Now it can be done with a smart phone.

2) Much more commonly, the "average Joe" (whether he is average down there or not) does it because he has accepted the ridiculous notion that men and women are not different.

It's quite simple, really:

Most heterosexual men would be somewhat aroused by receiving an image of a woman's genitals, even unsolicited, even if he doesn't know her, even more so if he had reason to believe it was an image of the woman who is in contact with him, and she intentionally sent it to him. (We're not talking about injured or diseased genitals, although a few guys probably have a fetish that covers that.)

As these guys would want a woman to send a picture of her genitals, they reason that since women and men are pretty much the same except for certain exterior body parts, she's likely to want to see his genitals as much has he wants to see hers.

A lot of women can't believe men think this is a good way to attract or arouse women. "Don't these men know the truth?" No, they don't, because they've been told over and over again that women are just like men, including when it comes to sex.

But the truth is out there. Extremely, and I mean extremely rare is the woman who likes getting unsolicited crotch shots from men. Heck, most women don't want crotch shots from men they're in love with, and the ones who do are more about liking that they have, according to the picture, aroused a man they care about.

Guys, she's either disgusted or she's laughing at it, and, often, sharing it with her friends so they can make fun of you.

Men and women ARE different, and it isn't just a matter of socialization. Do you think society has socialized men to want to see the genitals of other men? No, but gay males tend to have the same reaction to unsolicited crotch shots of men as heterosexual males have when it comes to those of women.


[Edited to clean up typing mistakes.]

Why Did I Get Married?

Why did I ever want to get married?

If you read this blog, you have to have noticed that I now warn most men against marrying. So why did I get married? Why did I want to?

Well, it can probably be explained by several things, including, in no particular order:

• being raised by middle-class married parents
• choosing Evangelicalism (which wasn't my parents doing), which was pushing marrying as one of the central, main goals in a good life
• virtually all media I was exposed to growing up and into my early adulthood portrayed marriage as the goal, as the default, as the happily ever after, and implied that only a loser or freak (or gay person) "couldn't" marry
• as far as I knew, my parents and all of their siblings got married and stay married
• likewise my grandparents stayed married until death
• my older sibling got married and, so far, stayed married
  
• being generally conservative, loyal, affectionate, and a "hopeless romantic" 
• wanting sex, and being hoodwinked into thinking that marriage meant lots of good sex, and I was of the belief that "unmarried" sex was wrong (What really constitutes marriage, from a Biblical perspective, is a whole different matter than I realized.)
• thinking I wanted to raise kids and that having and raising kids what something I was supposed to do, and that being legally married was the best way to do that 
• having had a great relationship with a girlfriend and thinking that it would be possible to have that same kind of relationship with a wife who, unlike the girlfriend, is religiously and politically compatible
• mistakenly thinking I'd found a woman who would be compatible, fit the profile of what I was looking for in a wife, and would be a pleasant, positive, productive influence on my life
  

Does any of that sound familiar to you?

That at least three neighbors and some friends and extended family had divorced parents and that my own parents ended up divorcing should have been a tip off, but it wasn't.

Over the years, my delusions slipped away and my ignorance was reduced. That's why I now realized I shouldn't have married, and most men shouldn't.

Our media, our religions, and often our families call much attention to weddings and marriage, but not to divorce, save for scandalous celebrity divorces. If we could see all the misery in marriages, if every divorce was given as much attention as every wedding, if we were to pile together all of the media that claims to help marriages, if we could line up every divorce lawyer out there in one place, and if more thriving free people were visible, fewer men would be so delusional or ignorant as to think as I did.

This is one reason why it is so important to let men and boys know that they don't have to marry; that they can be great men and live good lives without ever marrying.

I was doing well on my own. My finances were in great shape and I was on track to retire very well off and reach my career goals. I enjoyed my hobbies and friendships. I spent time with my parents (separately), siblings, etc. I traveled. I was healthy. I had a nice residence. That was all without being married.

That I enjoyed my time alone and so many of the activities I most enjoyed where solitary should have been a huge clue to me.

Now I know that:

-Most marriages fail. 

-Most men can get everything they want out of life without ever marrying. 

-Marriage is a bad deal for most men.
-Present-day Evangelical restrictions on sexuality aren't all from extant Biblical commands.

-Men can be great Christians without ever legally marrying.

-I had a great life when I was a Free Man.

Don't make the same mistake I did. Stay free.

The Costs of Raising a Child

Every once in a while, the news will report on the costs of raising a child, according to the United States Department of Agriculture. My guess is that the USDA does these reports not because children are considered livestock, but to justify welfare programs that ensure food producers get taxpayer money and then the government has programs to feed children.

Some marriage-and-family advocates (the people who try to get everyone to marry and pop out babies) scoff at reports that it costs $250,000 (or even up to $400,000) to raise a child.

But those numbers do not surprise me. Children are very expensive.

Of course we're not supposed to talk that way. "Children are a blessing!" and "How can you put a price on a child?"

But that doesn't change the fact that it costs money to raise children.

Here are some official links that explain how the costs of raising a child are determined:

https://www.usda.gov/media/blog/2017/01/13/cost-raising-child

https://www.cnpp.usda.gov/sites/default/files/crc2015.pdf

And  here's Wikipedia, which makes it fairly easy to see the basic breakdown:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cost_of_raising_a_child


Let's be generous to people who try to minimize the costs of raising a child. We'll assume that you won't need fertility treatments, IVF, to adopt, or anything else of that sort, all of which can be very expensive, as it can be if your child has special needs, and they won't assault other kids, or destroy the property of others, all of which can cost hundreds of thousands of dollars.

Let's go over the costs that everyone is going to have when raising a child.

Will Dr. Laura Ever Find Another Man?

One of my favorite authors and radio show hosts, Dr. Laura, is available. It's been a while since she was widowed. [This was originally posted in August 2019. It's still relevant.]

She makes no secret of the fact that she's into her 70s now. It's not easy for any woman in her 70s to find a new man, but it's going to be even more difficult for Dr. Laura, despite the fact that she knows how to keep men happy (she even wrote a book: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands) and despite the fact that she keeps herself in excellent shape.

For some men, that their potential partner has the level of fame Dr. Laura has, especially of a controversial nature, is a deal breaker.

I have to wonder if Dr. Laura is going to relax her stance on age differences, at least for people who are past the child-bearing years. Given how active she is, I don't see anything wrong with her dating a man in his 50s, as long as doing so would not divert his attention away from minor children. She has railed against callers dating someone more than ten years younger than them, pointing out that the older person was likely to leave their spouse a widow/widower. But... isn't that what has happened to her? Given her health, it is possible she has multiple decades left. What would be wrong with marrying a man in his 50s, and if he's like most men, he passes in his 70s or 80s? Heck, she might outlive him. [At least one recent call indicated she has softened her stance on age differences, at least if the woman is older. Hmmmm]

If her potential suitor has to be in his mid-60s or older, and has to be active enough to keep up with her on hikes and such, that's going to be a very narrow pool. And if Dr. Laura lives out her long-held stances against casual sex and shacking up, which I expect she will, it's going to narrow the pool even further.

I bring this up because she opened her show one day last week describing that someone in her life had "introduced" her to a potential date, and they talked over the phone for a couple of days. He was honest in saying that he was seeing someone, and he also claimed they weren't committed.

Dr. Laura asked if the woman he was seeing was going to know why he was traveling out of town (which would be to see Dr. Laura). He said no. Dr. Laura ended things and said he wasn't an honorable man.

Now, perhaps there was something being left out of her recounting of this interaction, but based on what I heard, I think she made a mistake in not talking with him further and perhaps seeing him. Hey, it's her life and she can do what she wants, but unless there is an engagement ring on a woman's finger or the man and woman have explicitly agreed they are exclusive, they are free to date others and they should EXPECT that the other person is dating others. As Dr. Laura herself points out, even living together isn't an implication of exclusivity; even if they agreed to it! So why is a man expected to tell a woman he's dating he's going out of town to see another woman? Is she expected to say she's going to dinner with another man?

She may have not been fair to herself or him. But again, it's her decision to make.

This isn't just me pontificating. My mother, who was very traditional when it came to dating and marriage, made it clear that unless my ring was on a woman's finger, that woman was free to date others. I never expected the women I dated to only be dating me, nor tell me they were going on dates with others. We had to have a discussion about exclusivity before we could expect it.

These days, men should never assume the woman they are dating is only dating them, even if they claim to be. And men should never imply to the women they are seeing they are only seeing them. But then I'm telling most men they should never marry at all. Dr. Laura is looking for a keeper.


Dr. Laura later explained more about her position on dating.

It’s Not Too Early To Form Your Holiday Game Plan

Free Men, and men who want to be, it's NOT to early to think about the holidays, and by that, I mean Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hanukah, Christmas, New Years, and Valentine's Day. 

There are two main considerations for you:

1) Dealing with family and "friends" who will be asking you (or pestering you) about your status as a free man. You know how it goes. "When are you going to get married?" Questions like that.

2) Avoiding spending those special days with a woman who wants to take away your status as Free Man, or will be expecting you to spend a lot of time, money, and effort on her.

Don't do something something foolish and start thinking there is "the one" to whom you should hand over your freedom. Don't be so ignorant, delusional, or masochistic that you're thinking you want to be exclusive with a woman.

Let’s Check Up on a Marital Bed

 

Mine.

We’re going to check up on my marital bed.

I want you unmarried men to get a realistic perspective on marriage. Be sure to bookmark this place. Any time you think you might want to marry, read those reports from the front lines.

This post is going to talk about “adult” matters a bit explicitly. Duh. So if you you’d rather not read about that stuff, move on to another entry.

OK, so, my wife and I have been married for… many years. We’re into middle age now. Well, definitely I am. She’s not far behind me. 

I will say, my wife hasn’t blimped up nor butched up, unlike so many other American wives. She’s gained weight, to be sure, but she was about as thin as I could accept when we married. I figured/hoped she’d gain some weight. She’s kept her hair long, and her hair “down there” shaved, which is good because I like the view and it makes it easier for me to do my favorite thing. So, I do appreciate her efforts as far as those things go.

There’s the inevitable march of time, along with breastfeeding all those years ago, that have taken their toll.

That’s not really much of a problem though. She’s still a lot younger than my oldest lovers were in my years as an unmarried young man.

No, the problems are that she has a very low sex drive and many hang ups and inhibitions, and almost every time we do it, it’s planned (and only if not cancelled or “delayed” yet again) and in what’s supposed to be the middle of my sleep cycle. I don’t get enough sleep, but if I don’t agree to sacrifice some of the sleep I could get, our bedroom will be even closer to permanently dead. And if she “can’t” wake me up after barely trying, she’ll simply go to sleep. So when she’s indicated before I turn in that we can get busy when she finally joins me in bed (which will usually be hours later), I’ll often keep myself from fully falling asleep until after our session.

For many years, we were down to about once every 3-to-6 weeks for any sexual contact at all. But having more pity on me, she has responded to an increase in stress in my life by planning to do fellatio more often. We might be up to once per week or two. I’m fully aware many husbands wish they could get that much. But you have to understand, this is in the  dark, quiet, her lower parts covered, and with her treating my ejaculate like poison; she’ll actually pull away so early sometimes I’ll have to get myself over the top. She gave better fellatio a few times - the best she ever has - before we married, including gulping it all down. Hmm. Gee, I wonder what changed? Ah yes, wedding cake does that to many women.

Another discouraging turn-off is when she “schedules” our interaction for “tomorrow night” or “tonight” and then she delays it. This is frequent. A “delay”is more likely to happen than not, and often is a de facto cancellation. It’s not like there are all these rain checks being stored up that will be “paid out” sometime in the future. 

It’s almost always scheduled rather than spontaneous and it’s never a surprise, meaning if it’s spontaneous it’s because she decided not to turn me down this time when I initiated. She’s not spontaneous about this. I have learned not to be through repeated rejections and negative feedback; almost always, it’s going to be her telling me we can.

If the stars have aligned, and I’ve jumped through enough hoops, she will tell me to shower and shave before I go to bed. Showering is always required before any sexual contact. The shaving part of the request means she intends to give me access to her as well.

And if, in the next two to five hours, nothing has happened to change course, she’ll come to bed when I’m supposed to be in the middle of my sleep cycle, willing to engage. And yes, even if the kids aren’t home, it will be in bed; anywhere else, a pet might see us. I kid you not. (Such a strange limitation considering we had her pet in bed with us when we first married.)

I’ve not only showered thoroughly, but I’ve applied specific flavoring to my crotch, at her insistence because the “natural” flavor of my skin (after body wash and water) must be such a turn-off. The flavoring isn’t anything from our kitchen. She wouldn’t want to ever think about sex while eating. (So, no getting playful with syrups or whipped creams or anything else food related.)

Even so, there’s a good chance the flavoring will have been wasted; that was the case even before she recently started to ease my tension on some other nights.

If I’m really lucky, she will turn on a dimmed light so I can see her.

She’ll find me either half awake, having held off on badly needed rest in hopes of “getting some,” or she’ll wake me up and I’ll be very groggy.

From there, we’re off to the races, in virtual silence the whole time.

And by races I mean I’ll try to give her all the affection she says she wants. I’m from the “she comes first” way of doing things. So, there’ll be kissing, maybe I’ll enjoy her breasts for a while, and then I’ll usually move on to cunnilingus, which is my favorite thing to do. And that’s good, because there are very few things I’m allowed to do.

Fingers are not allowed inside her during cunnilingus. Petting or stroking her anywhere is not allowed at any time, whatever the circumstances, other than in a specific ways during or immediately after our session. Also, she never runs her hands over herself, never touches her own breasts, never touches herself down there in front of me; she will allow me to move her hands in my effort to encourage those things, but will stop after I take my hands away from hers and she’ll move her hands away.

If I’m lucky, somewhere along the way, she will tug on me a bit, maybe even take me into her mouth for a bit.

Whatever touches her lower/vertical pair of lips, such as my lips, hands, or you-know-what can’t subsequently touch her mouth, so I have to be careful about what I do in which order, and when. And no, she’ll never get so passionate or lost in the moment for an exception to be made.

I’ll do cunnilingus, which is my favorite thing, any way I can, including from behind, but it will usually be with her resting on her back. She will almost always climax from the cunnilingus. Just once. She will literally push me away if I try for a multiple, no matter how long I wait.

There’s a small but not zero chance, if she has climaxed, she’ll curl up and that’ll be it for the night. I won’t have finished. But usually, instead, she’ll make it clear she wants intercourse, which is almost always missionary. If I kiss her during or after, it won’t be on her mouth. She’ll literally turn her head if I try.

Once in a while, she will want intercourse before she has climaxed, and in those cases I’ll return to cunnilingus after intercourse, even if I’ve climaxed, to get her over that hill. The exception will be if she says there’s no way it’ll happen this time and I should stop, but that’s very rare.

Her eyes will be closed during intercourse, and again, it’s quiet. She doesn’t do anything, just kind of relaxes and takes it. The Dead Bedroom people call it starfishing.

She wants me going off inside. It’s proof she isn’t actually allergic to my stuff. (I’m shooting blanks, so this isn’t about trying for a late pregnancy.)

After, while I’m still inside her, she will continue to be still. This will be the one time I can rub her arms, legs, stomach, whatever, and I tend to make the most of that.

I’ll often think about how that’s all going to have to last me for 3-to-6 weeks. We won’t even spoon, cuddle, or snuggle until that time weeks later, as foreplay. We never touch while resting or sleeping; at all.

That’s all by her choice. All the limits and restrictions are by her choice. I’ve never said no to her when it comes to sex or physical affection, but then she doesn’t ask for much, as you can see.

That’s it. That’s how it is for us. No adventures. No experimenting, even though we have books, including “activity” books and a game or two for a couple, and an app or two. Those sit unused. I don’t ever think, “Wow, that’s the best I’ve ever had!” There are a couple of toys that get used once in a blue moon.

I drift off to sleep thinking “Well, that’s it. It’s never going to get any better.”

She will say “thanks” to me the next day, as if it was amazing. I’ll appear to match her enthusiasm, because I’d still rather encourage her than discourage her.

And there are plenty of husbands who wish they had it this “good.” I know I could have it a lot worse. But it’s nothing like the great times I experienced before I signed that terrible state contract.

There’s nobody else. She’s not doing anything with anybody else and neither am I. I mean, maybe she sexts someone, but I’d wager a lot of good money she doesn’t. I don’t. We don’t watch even slightly erotic media together. She never sends me any pics. We don’t sext each other. We don’t get heated in our texts; just slightly flirty. Sometimes, when we’re in a common area of the house, she’ll flash me a nipple or I’ll caress her, or she’ll pinch me as she passes by. That’s the most that will happen, other than kisses.

So, that’s how things are.

What do I want? What most men want: A harem with a revolving door. Lots of group stuff with me being the only guy.

What do I want that’s realistic and wouldn’t get me kicked out of my church? Believe it or not, one thing is spooning. One of the things I liked in past relationships was literally sleeping together. Actually together, not like now and all throughout my marriage: in the same bed but completely apart. I want enthusiasm and passion. I want a lover who craves sex or at least behaves like it. I want fellatio like I used to get. I want a few more common positions more often; I’m not asking for anything that requires a contortionist. I want to get frisky outside of bed, too. I want these things 3-or-4 times per week. Not going to happen.

I keep myself groomed and practice good hygiene. I have all of my hair. I take her out on dates, and ask her out more than she accepts. She says I’m an excellent husband and father. I do more chores than she does. I work, she doesn’t. The kids are old enough to take care of themselves. I’m not in my best shape, but this is pretty much how things were when I was in my best shape, and I’m generally healthy.

Here’s where some well-meaning person will say “Communicate!”

I have. It makes things worse. And no, I’m not a bad communicator. Talking about it makes things worse. She has imposed additional restrictions when we’ve talked; nothing has gotten better, so it’s not a trade-off, but rather a net negative for me. Oh, she has claimed a desire to increase frequency. But there’s nothing I can do to make that happen and she doesn’t follow through. She’s aware I’d like it more. She has said so. She’s also said things during these talks Dr. Laura says there’s no coming back from, so talking with her about this brings the risk of me becoming permanently turned off.

What are the other options?

Leave? Once the kids are grown, I can do that. I’d lose most of my wealth (because legally it’s “ours”) and I’d have to financially take care of her the rest of her life. How much of our money would go to lawyers? My kids would hate it even if grown. I’d have to move, along with all of other disruption.

Secretly cheat? That’s not me.

Negotiate an arrangement? More couples do this than most people realize. One way is that a wife will tell her husband he can get it elsewhere under a set of conditions she sets down. I’ve known my wife a long time now, and she’d never agree to that. Unless she’s fooling me, she thinks our marriage is great. But even if she knew the truth about how I feel, I can’t see her agreeing to an arrangement. There’s a slight chance that once the kids are out, I can sit her down and say the options are divorce, an arrangement, or she changes, and she’d choose the second or third option, but it’s more likely we’ll win the lottery, which we almost never play. I just can’t see myself being married, especially to her, and pursuing sex with another woman.

Masturbate? Of course I do. But that doesn’t replace spooning, good fellatio, or cunnilingus. And technology isn’t quite there yet.

So… provided we both live, what’s most likely to happen is, as we get older and older, things will get more and more like going through the motions, with the same (aging) woman, my body aging as well, and then I’ll die.

At least I still have memories of the great experiences I did have before I married.

Never get into a situation like this in the first place, guys. Stay free.

The Passing Parade of Radio

Once upon a time, there were AM and FM radio, record/tape/CD players, and that was about it for your listening choices.

Now, thanks to satellite radio and smart phones (and tablets and laptops that can stream), there are endless choices for you: live streams, podcasts, audiobooks, etc. abound in addition to satellite radio and AM and FM radio.

It’s not just listeners who have more choices. So do advertisers.

This has unavoidably meant terrestrial radio (AM and FM) in general, talk radio included, have suffered.

Gone are the days “everyone” listened to one of a handful of morning shows and afternoon drive-time shows.

This is why there are fewer talk shows that have live callers on-air. This is why there’s more syndicated programming instead of local. This is why some stations have gone away entirely - not a format flip, but the frequency itself going silent. This is one reason why so many of your favorite radio personalities have been dismissed or have left. It doesn’t help that rock music is dying. You can find terrestrial radio stations playing the same 25 rock songs from the 1970s onward, but for how much longer? There are no new superstar iconic rock bands and the existing bands are literally dying out, retiring, or only touring to play their old hits, since touring can pay, new recordings not as much.

When Howard Stern left for satellite radio, I didn’t care enough to pay up. I had plenty of other choices to listen to in the morning for free. From what I understand, Stern now only does his show a few days per week, the weeks he actually does it, and (as his former employee John Melendez put it), has turned into the kind of host he used to goof on. If I wanted the present-day Stern’s take on things, I only have to read the New York Times.

Dr. Laura, who loathes any comparison to Stern, also left terrestrial radio for satellite radio. Now her, I followed, but it’s clear many people didn’t. To this day, she gets callers who rediscovered her because of getting a new vehicle with a temporary subscription to SiriusXM. How many never rediscovered her? I didn’t get satellite radio. I’ve been paying for the podcast version of her program. I’ve been contemplating dropping it, though.

In what has to be humiliating, Dr. Laura is currently having trouble selling out a theater for two performances of… a lecture? I don’t know. It’s supposedly what she’s learned. Maybe more people would go if she was going to be candid about her journey from her first marriage, to the days she was with Bill Balance, to shacking up with an older married father and having a child with him, to embracing Orthodox Judaism and then dropping it, to getting to the point of what she now preaches. 

That she’s obviously had trouble getting enough people to buy tickets for her live appearance in the market that’s always been her home market is revealing, considering she used to have bestselling books and the number 2 or 3 national radio program. Combine that with her dropping from five days per week to four and still filling some of the time with unannounced recordings of previously aired calls, and I have to wonder if she really is going to refuse to retire and be allowed to continue.

Dennis Prager has also reduced his show. In addition to being away for listener trips and Jewish holidays, he’s often traveling or in meetings during his show’s hours. But he dropped from 3 to 2 hours. He claimed it was so he could finish writing projects, but I have to wonder if his employer (Salem) asked him to take a pay cut and that was part of the reason. I also pay for the podcast version of his show and I almost never listen to the guest hosts.

Saddest of all to witness is Michael Medved. His employer, Salem, stood by him when he needed time away to battle throat cancer. I’m so glad they did and so glad he beat that. But his rejection of Trump during the 2016 election appears to be when things started to unravel for him. He had been one of their national hosts, but he was dumped and replaced with Sebastian Gorka, who worked for Trump.

Finally, about the start of 2024, he was dumped by his home station. As of now, I don’t think there’s a radio station he’s on. I haven’t found one listed on his website. Instead, he has a podcast. I used to subscribe to the podcast version of his radio show, but I wasn’t getting enough out of it relative to the time needed to listen, so I couldn’t justify the expense.

At least Larry Elder is back on Salem programming after taking time off to “run for” Governor of California and then for the Republican nomination for President. I write that as “run for” because, while I like the Sage, he had to have known he wasn’t actually going to win, so his candidacies had to have been about something other than his winning those elections. That’s fine; many people run for various reasons. But I’m glad he’s back on free radio.

All of the above are in their 70s. How much longer will they be doing radio? Who will replace them? Yes, there are newer, younger hosts, but will those hosts ever have the same influence these others once had? Will they actually broadcast on free radio?

Almost as old as the hosts listed above is Tom Leykis. Except for the occasional interview or filling in for a day, he hasn’t been on radio since early 2009, so that’s one reason he’s last in this post. He ended his live, self-owned Internet stream in late 2018, doing a podcast since. Then, this year, he retired himself. Not only did he announce the end to his podcast, but he shut down his entire operation, removing his archive. He cites insurance concerns, meaning a fear of getting sued over something he said, but I think he doesn’t want the hassle or expense of maintaining an archive and handling customers.

This, too, shall pass.

One Difference Between My Wife and Me

One of many differences between my wife and me is that if I had a spouse who enjoyed giving enthusiastic oral sex that culminated in orgasms, I'd let them do that daily, or at least every other day, rather than once every three-to-six weeks.

Sigh.

Sensational Headlines Might Mislead

Law enforcement agencies are government departments, dependent on taxpayer money, and like getting credit for good deeds.

News media likes sensational headlines because it gets them clicks and viewers.

A lot of people have conspiratorial and crisis thinking, meaning they are sure there's a crisis going on, and it is the result of a vast conspiracy.

Every once in a while, there will be a headline like this:

"68 Missing Children Recovered From Human Trafficking Operation, [Law Enforcement Agency] Says"

That makes it sound like there was a building with 68 children inside of it, where strangers would go and pay money to sexually abuse them, maybe "buy" them to take home.

Shocking, right? How evil!!!

Except... that's not really what happened. And thank goodness it isn't.

Not Everyone Wants the Same Life as Dennis Prager

As of Friday, August 2, 2024, Dennis Prager continues to frequently mock DINKs (double income, no kids) and lament that fewer people are marrying and having a lot of children.

I’m certain he’s going to be doing this on a regular basis for the rest of his radio career/life. That everyone who is able should marry and raise kids is his foundational core belief; I’m convinced his belief in the God of the Bible and his identifying with the Jewish religion is because he sees both as supporting that core belief, rather than the other way around.  

Fridays still have his Happiness Hour and this time it included “How do you want to look back on your life?” Dennis had his foundational belief (marry, remarry if divorced or widowed, raise kids) from an early age. He often cites that married men in his childhood congregation got to wear a shawl (so what?), and that when a child is born there’s the Jewish tradition of praying for the child to grow up for good deeds, Torah, and marriage (so, peer pressure from long dead people). 

It either doesn’t occur to him or he completely rejects that other people might think and feel differently, and that it can be legitimate. To him, they must be immature or somehow defective or mistaken in their thinking. It’s almost like he wants to be a fertility cult leader.

He’s prone to trying to back up his disproportional emotional fixation by citing alleged correlations as if they’re causal in the direction he wants, and anecdotes rife with selection bias.

It’s important for young men listening to him to know he’s been twice divorced, he’s got another man’s son living with him (and will until he dies or has his third divorce), he lives in a wealthy area, he constantly travels, he never eats a home-cooked meal from his home, and he rejects the norms of modern fatherhood under which the listeners will be expected to parent.

He finally referenced that last part, correctly asking if the current norms of parenting are discouraging some people from having children. He’s previously indicated he rejects them, by the way he talks about them. He expects children to occupy themselves, sit at the table with adults to be seen and not heard, to attend a peer’s birthday party without his involvement, to be fine with him NOT attending their artistic/scholastic or sports participations, and to sometimes stay home while he (and possibly whichever woman he’s currently married to) travels for fun. He’s encouraged grandparents of means to pay for their grandchildren to be homeschooled (such as replacing income), but how many people truly will be able to do that, and have it work with the family dynamics? Some will see that as giving the grandparents too much power.

He says people shouldn’t let children completely change their life.

But they will. Otherwise, they’ll be considered bad parents. We don’t live in the same world in which Dennis raised, or had his wife raise, children.

Children will change everything about the life of people having them now.

Dennis has made it clear he doesn’t think a marriage should stay together for the sake of minor children; I’d like to ask his children about that.

I get the impression Dennis’ life would be much the same whether or not he had children. He’d still do the work he did, he’d still travel like he does, eat like he does, observe sabbath like he does, attend/run a synagogue like he does, smoke cigars like he does, divorce and remarry. Most people don’t carry on life the same way once they are parents, nor should they.

Dennis HAS repeatedly indicated children put a damper on a sex life. Even as a marriage seller, he has to admit that. He chuckles about it. It’s not funny when you live through it.

Speaking of sex, he has written columns and made statements that draw accusations of supporting marital rape. Ladies, you should be clear about what Dennis means when he says you should marry: He thinks you will owe your husband sex, sex is something women do for men, and it’s fine for your husband to divorce you if you don’t hold up you end of the contract.

But in turn, he believes a husband owes you money, attention, romance, protection, etc. And your husband should still be the father for any kids, including conceived in adultery. 

His urging you to marry isn’t simply about getting you through a religious ceremony and into a state contract. It’s about a whole set of behaviors to which he thinks you should conform. 

He thinks you, ladies, will be much more rational if you have a husband, and it’s your lot in life to turn irresponsible, even violent “boys” into “real men” by being their wife.

During that particular Happiness Hour, Dennis again asserted that a man will work harder if married. If/when true, it means a man can spend his time doing what he wants if he stays free. He also again asserted that he doesn’t understand the thinking that one should be financially stable before marrying, in part because he says two can live “more cheaply” than one. 

This is horribly misleading to young men.

One of the most common reasons for marital strife and divorce is money. And remember, Dennis wants you popping out babies right away, so it won’t be just two. Guys, you shouldn’t marry, but if you’re going to, you should definitely wait until you’re financially well off and have achieved your dream, because marriage kills dreams and it costs men a lot of money, and the more wealth you have, the hotter the wife you can attract. 

People like Dennis can’t accept that life has changed.

We deal with reality here on this blog. We deal with the way things are. And with the way things are, most men shouldn’t marry, and most of those who shouldn’t marry shouldn’t have children. Get a vasectomy. Either go monk mode or run game. Or, if you absolutely must delude yourself into thinking you can have a woman who’ll meet your needs as long as you’re exclusive to her, don’t sign a terrible state contract with her and each of you should have your own places. She can stay responsible for hers. (DINKs aren’t ideal - most men should stay free.)

Be able to look back on your life and be happy you didn’t waste so much time, money, energy, and whatever else on a woman or women who ended up hating or resenting you.