Today's Dear Abby is Exhibit A For Why Men Shouldn't Marry

Here it is. Today's Dear Abby column.

I have been married for four months. My husband and I love each other very much.

Awwwwwww. How sweet!

Although he has asked me multiple times for sex, we have only made love twice.

EJECT! EJECT! He needs to bail NOW, no matter how much money he spent on the wedding, the honeymoon, and everything else so she could have her narcissistic moments. If he's like most men, he shouldn't have married in the first place.

But wait... I'm sure some of you are thinking he's just not jumping through enough hoops. If only he was a better, more romantic lover, right? Yeah, well read on...

My problem is, sex doesn't interest me. In fact, the thought of it terrifies me.

What did she think she was doing by getting married?!? She was thinking she was going to have her bills paid. A live-in bodyguard. An attention slave.

I hate saying no because I know it hurts him, but I'm always scared that I won't enjoy it.

So according to present-day standards, he's raped her twice. Don't marry, guys! It's a burden on women.

I have apologized almost every time I turn him down. He always says I don't need to be sorry and we'll only do it when I'm comfortable, but I'm scared I might not ever be comfortable with it.

And does he go for a drive or lock himself in the bathroom for a while after he says that? This is also the kind of woman who would pitch a fit if she found out he was masturbating to porn and would tell her family, her friends, the Bible study group, her pastor, and she would insist he's a cheater who needs to go to rehab and put filtering and "accountability" software on his devices.

Plus I have doubts that I've ever had an orgasm.

She she's never masturbated to orgasm.

THIS IS THE RISK OF "WAITING". Yes, there are risks. This is one of them. I specifically asked my wife, before we married, if she was able to give herself orgasms for this very reason. Still ended up being a disaster, but at least I tried.

How should I approach this?

1) Admit you have perpetrated a fraud.

2) File for annulment or divorce. Insist that he doesn't owe you anything. Don't make him pay for lawyers, pay alimony, or anything like that. Let him keep/take what he wants. If he wants to stay where you live, you move out. Give him the ring back if he provided it.

3) Pay him back for whatever he spent on the wedding, even if this takes you a while.

4) Either avoid relationships, find a gay man who wants a beard, or get some serious therapy/medical attention.