Wednesday, June 01, 2011

Part-Time Sister Wife?

NEEDS A BREAK IN PHOENIX wrote in to Dear Abby:
I'm 53, work in an office six to eight hours a day, and then come home to cook dinner and do household chores.

Sounds like life.
My husband, "Todd," is 48. He works eight to 10 hours a day and expects sex three to four times a week.


I'm exhausted and can't do it anymore!

Then quit your job. Marital lovemaking isn't supposed to be a chore. Be happy your husband, who is younger, still wants your 53-year-old body. This is yet another example of why some men avoid marriage.

My best friend, "Mavis," has been a widow for five years. She tells me she's going crazy because she hasn't had sex in all this time. She asked if I'd share Todd just one night a week.

Mavis could be having sex if she wants. She could be doing so with a new husband, or fornicating with a steady or different guys. It is her choice, really, although she's not going to have the best men to choose from. Maybe that is why she is trying to horn in on your man. Don't compound the problem by inviting her to commit adultery with your husband.
Mavis isn't pretty, but she has a very shapely figure. Frankly, I'm ready to agree, but I haven't mentioned it to Todd.

Don't. Either he'll like the idea, or be profoundly hurt or disgusted. Neither would be a good reaction.
If my husband agrees, it would take a lot of pressure off me and I could sure use the rest. What are your thoughts on this arrangement?

Have you called the folks at TLC? They could film all of this. I'd recommend MTV, but you're over 25.

Dear Abby, who has no problem endorsing fornication as long as adultery isn't involved, gets all judgmental:
Please find another way to take a break. What you're contemplating would likely be the beginning of the end of your marriage.

So? Sounds like she's not so happy in it and is breaking or wants to break the vows anyway. If she had instead written to you and said the truth another way – that she is unhappy with her husband and sexually incompatible, wouldn't you tell her to leave him anyway?
You may think you'd be "safe" because Mavis isn't pretty, but to quote Benjamin Franklin, "In the dark, all cats are gray."

From what I understand, Franklin would know. Actually, given the wife's attitude and Mavis' "hunger", it would be easy for the husband to find Mavis to be a much better lover regardless of how she looks.
If you're tired, let Mavis help with the chores -- but not this one.

She didn't offer a solution. Sex isn't supposed to be a chore. How about dropping down to part-time work? Or hiring domestic help? Her husband probably does things around the house, too – notice she doesn't say he doesn’t lift a finger around the house. But he's not too tired for sex. Something tells me she wouldn't be too tired for sex with George Clooney.

Doesn't sound like they have minor children in the mix. Imagine if they did. That's the reality of so many married couples theses days. Both have full work schedules and they have minor children. Why? Often because women have been told they must have careers outside the home, and they wouldn't respect their husbands if their husbands didn’t also have careers. Or because people think they need bigger homes, more cars, more vacations, more toys. Or they are trying to save up to fork over money to some increasingly expensive and ever-worsening institutions of indoctrination, er, uh, higher learning.

Anyway, back to the idea of having another woman do some of the "heavy lifting". Be honest, ladies, if nobody else would find out and there wasn't a religious issue, do you think you'd consider something like this? Or maybe you'd be the one who'd want someone else (male or female) in addition to your hubby. Men can be deeply in love with and attracted to their wives, and still find other women strongly attractive. Given male sexual nature, I think most men would take on another woman if there wasn't a religious issue and if the wife would be agreeable. We have plenty of examples of men who do this even with the religious prohibition and even though it hurts their wives deeply.


  1. A friend of mine told me his wife once stated that she wished she could just get him a concubine. Can you imagine? I get a little offended when my husbands suggest maybe hiring a maid.

    I don't know about these women who don't enjoy sex. I work, I have small children (I work at their school), I do housework (clearly not enough) and cook (if ordering pizza counts). Sometimes I'm tired out, but certainly not more than one or two nights a week ... plenty left for monkey love.

    Maybe its just finding the right balance. I'm good with less housework for more sex.

  2. LOL!! Not sure which is funnier, the idea of "Mavis" offering to "help out" her friend by going to bed with her husband or the friend's agonizing over how to present the proposition to him. Just tends to confirm my suspicion that if you want a great sex life, getting married is probably the worst thing you can do.

  3. There are times when I think that having someone there to help when I am feeling tired or stressed would be nice, but the thought is fleeting. Lovemaking is one way that I communicate my love to my husband. That is not something I am willing to share with another woman. I agree that letting another woman into the bedroom would probably be the beginning of the end of their marriage, not that they don't already have a multitude of problems.

  4. Anonymous9:51 AM

    I say she should present the idea and if he agrees, give it a try.

    Marriage is more of construct of man with all the 'law' involved; it ceased being religious years ago.

    I'll never really buy into the idea that God thinks one is a bad person because they have sex with more than one person.

  5. Anonymous,

    No, God doesn't think one is a "bad person" because they have sex with more than one person.

    He says we are all guilty of adultery if we have ever looked upon a woman (or man) with lust in our hearts.

    So, yeah..bad person? Doesn't much matter how bad or good we are..we are all damned to hell without a savior, and without admitting that the law is our guidepost, but impossible to keep. That's why we need Jesus.

    As far as having another person for my husband..I suppose if I didn't enjoy my femininity, my God given role, my sexuality, AND pleasing my husband, then I would wish the "chore" would be off my plate.

    However, I view marriage far different than many, and I delight in making my husband happy, which in turn makes me happy, and contributes to a very happy family life overall.

    Have sex with your husbands, ladies. Try actually submitting and enjoying'll be thankful, and so will he. My husband has no need or desire for another woman, since I am his lover. :)

  6. Thanks, everyone.

    Adrea, in regards to your last paragraph, you are so right. Although I have my history, I am definitely, I want all of my sexual needs for the rest of my life to be met in my wife only, and I want to meet all of her's too. Yes, ladies, you win in this area of you just try. Literally, nothing in the world turns me on more than taking my wife over that edge. I so very much like to bring pleasure to her.


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