Married Men Get More Sex - Part Seven

Ladies, I especially would like your insights and suggestions on this one (I always appreciate your comments, but this subtopic especially needs your perspective).

This is the last in this series for now.

It is easy for an unmarried man to get sex, and get a lot of it (see Part 1 and Part 5). Rejection by some women isn't a problem if he's willing to keep pursuing the ample supply of women who will engage in casual sex "even" with him.

But a married man who refuses to have sex with anyone other than his wife is in a different situation. If he's not getting enough sex to satisfy him, how can he get more sex from his wife?

The rules aren’t so clear here. I've read and heard things like "do more housework" and "buy flowers" and stuff like that, but every woman is different. My wife, for example, would consider my buying of flowers a waste of money. And yes, if a woman has less housework to do herself because someone else has done it (and not screwed it up and thus made more work for her), she's going to have more time and energy to spend on things like... lovemaking.

The experts/authors/lecturers who address this suggest dropping the kids off with family, getting a hotel room, putting candles and rose petals everywhere, and actually scheduling sex. But it isn't practical to do this three times a week.

So what to do?

Here's my embryonic, fuzzy list of tactics in no particular order:
1) Tell her you want it more often, in a positive way. Example: "There's nothing I'd rather do more than make love to you. I'd like to do that more often." That's better than, "Hey, you frigid nag – if you don’t put out more, I'm taking a trip to the brothel."
2) Consider what is thwarting lovemaking sessions, and work to change that. a) Where is all of the time and energy going? Do your schedules line up? This is a big problem for me as I have previously detailed. b) Is there a hormonal issue or other health problem that needs to be addressed by a doctor?
3) Attempt to initiate more frequently, regardless of the frequency of rejection.
4) Engage her in nonsexual forms of intimacy that may not, but could possibly, lead to sexual intimacy: back/shoulder rubs/massages; encouraging her to talk at length about things she enjoys or of which she is fond; leaving notes for her (paper, e-mail, voice mail, or texts).
5) Tell her, while not in a session of lovemaking, what you like about her body and what she does sexually.
6) Tell her what you enjoy doing with/to her.
7) Reassure her with compliments and appreciation.
8) Flirt – including when apart – treat her like a girlfriend.
9) Get in better shape.
10) Don't neglect grooming.
Notice, this is a lot more work than what an unmarried man has to do to get more sex – and wives with faithful husbands who want to make love to them have all of the power to determine when and where and how he will have sex. She suffers no legal, financial, and quite often no social sanction if she rejects him sometimes or all of the time. This is just one reason why it is critical that a man choose his wife wisely, only marrying a woman who truly cares about him.
Closing review/thoughts for this series...

I've said before that I, and a lot of other men, find the very same sex acts more enjoyable with a wife rather than a woman to whom we are not married. But we can't enjoy something that isn't happening.

I do believe that married people worldwide, in general, experience a higher frequency of sex than unmarried people, but there are a lot of men who find that they end up having less sex as husbands than they did as bachelors (even if that sex was with the woman who became their wife). Due to this and all of the other things that come along with marriage, someone who promotes marriage ought not promise an unmarried person that marriage will mean more sex.

Morally, I believe sex is for marriage and one should not engage in sex with someone other than their spouse.

Also true is that since sex is for marriage and is a gift from God to husband and wife, sex should be regularly and frequently enjoyed in marriage in a variety of ways.

(Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6,)


[Read my comments on this series over six years later.]