Temper

I screwed up recently at home. I lost my temper because I was frustrated about something (not someone) that was causing stuff to break. When I lose my temper, I don't break things (after all, I was upset about something being broken to begin with). I don't belittle people, I certainly don't throw things – at people or otherwise – or hit or push anyone. What I do, though, is cuss, or swear, or what have you. Mainly it is the s--- word. Perhaps even the f--- word.

I know I shouldn't do it, and I know I especially shouldn't do it when my kids are within earshot. But I do – every now and then.

My punishment doesn't involve putting money into a swear jar.

My punishment is my wife dropping the possibility of lovemaking later that day/night. She may not look it that way. She says my losing my temper "isn't a turn on" so forget about any plans to fool around later. So, essentially, she is saying she is turned off by my fit.

Here's the thing though, at least with the most recent fit. Right now, for reasons I'm not going to get into, my wife's body is pretty much off limits anyway. Temporarily (for reasons I do believe are valid), she won't let me make love to her in any form other than kissing and rubbing her shoulders. I wish it wasn't so, because I really like to do whatever I can to bring those kinds of pleasures to her, and I enjoy her body.

But being the good wife that she is, she still - though not as often as I'd like - wants to take care of me... Except when I have had a fit.

Maybe I just don't understand female sexuality, but I didn't think a woman had to be sexually aroused for her hand or mouth to work. Since it's not like we're going to be attempting intercourse, I'm not sure why she needs to be turned on anyway. That is what makes me think this is a matter of punishment, not simply a matter of my actions turning her off.

Of course I'd like for her to be turned on. I'd like to also take care of all of her itches.

I suppose it is one of the differences between men and women. Most men would only withhold sex from a woman with whom he's sexually active if he has lost trust in her, and thinks she has been fooling around or is trying to trap him with a pregnancy he doesn't want. She could have just destroyed our prized collection of mobster movies, bought more shoes she doesn't need, and wrecked our favorite car through negligent driving. We'd still gladly jump into the sack. We might leave or kick her out right afterwards, but we wouldn't turn down sex. Some women, conversely, withhold sex as a punishment, and treat sex like a bargaining chip.

Any thoughts? I mean, besides the fact that I need to bite my tongue?