She Didn't Get the Liberation Memo

There's nothing like young "love" problems as expressed in a letter to Dear Abby.

DESPERATE IN TUCSON wrote:

I'm 19 and currently dating a guy I can't stand.

So much for liberation. Generations of women and girls didn't have a choice in the matter, but you do, sister. Don't waste your freedom.

I don't know what to do.

Dump him. You are being unfair to both of you, and probably a lot of people around you.

He's leaving next year and my friends tell me I should just bear with it until then.

Why? You could be spending your time better and so could he. Are your friends afraid you'll be worse to deal with without him? Why would they want you to endure him?
Do they all insist on double-dating? Will they not hang out with you for girl time?

I also don't feel comfortable with premarital sex, but he's sure he can change my mind.

That's because he's young. Why would he want to change your mind? If he wants to pursue sex at his age with girls he doesn't even really like, he's better off with a girl who at least has experience. Less work, more fun, less likely she will stalk him down the line.

He constantly reminds me how "patient" he can be about it.

Especially if he is getting some somewhere else, which he may be. But perhaps he considers you a challenge. It is stupid on his part.

I feel like hiding in my room and not answering the phone.

You are letting this ruin your life. Dump him and move on. Don't take his calls. Do not hear him out if he hounds you in person. If he persists, get a restraining order. It he gets violent, prosecute.

There are over six billion people in the world. That one person is not right for you as a romantic prospect still leaves more people to learn about than you'll ever have time to date. It is ridiculous to waste your time and energy on someone who is such a mismatch for you.

I speak from experience.

Life got so much better for me when I resolved not to ever again continue to date someone when it was more trouble than it was worth. Someone doesn't have to be a bad person to be trouble as a date. Someone can be a great person and not right for you. So I promised myself I wasn't going to put up with any crap, or do things I didn't want to do in order to get along with someone to whom I had no obligation. I wasn't going to fight, argue, or be disrespected. And it worked. Less time and money wasted, less heartache. That approach is part of what helped me find my wife.

At 19, you should be first and foremost focusing on your education/career. In dating, you should be dating different guys, learning more about what you like and don't like in them. Why tie yourself down to one person until you are ready to marry? That was one of the mistakes I made at 19. But I deluded myself into thinking there could be a future with my girlfriend at the time. You are under no such delusion.

Be free! Revel in your liberation!