What Is MGTOW?

MGTOW is Men Going Their Own Way.

It is a classification or description of a diverse spectrum of men who have consciously decided to avoid legally marrying, depending on a woman, or having a woman depend on them. 

Men take this approach out of self defense; for preservation and protection. They see legal marriage or relationships in general in today's culture as too risky for men, laden with obligations and sacrifices with little to nothing to be gained by them. MGTOW seek to disengage or minimize involvement in systems and situations in which they think men are at a disadvantage.

Just about anyone who would consider himself as MGTOW would also not cohabitate with a woman. Most would avoid exclusive relationships entirely. And many avoid any ongoing interdependent interaction with woman. (This isn't to say such men necessarily shun their mothers, sisters, etc. This is mostly about romantic/social relationships and often professional relationships.)

It is too simplistic to say it is a reaction to feminism. Many MGTOW fully support equality for women under the law, in as much as it is possible. MGTOW a reaction to what is seen as misandry in our common systems and culture, especially our family laws and courts. In fact, some MGTOW could claim also to be feminists is that they support women being equal under the law, strong, and independent.

MGTOW isn't an organization. There are online forums, bloggers, and vloggers who identify as MGTOW, but there isn't a formal movement. Individualism is common among MGTOW. Men who identify as MGTOW might date or not, might be promiscuous or virgins, might have a religion or not, might be politically affiliated or not, might espouse an overall political philosophy or not, might believe in conspiracy theories or not. Some have previously been married, some are fathers. Some have never been through the wringer of family courts, but you don't have to be hit by a bus yourself to know you don't want to stand in the street.

There are no identifying qualities of a MGTOW man, aside from his self-identification as such, other than a rejection of current marriage laws and dominant cultural expectations for romantic relationships.

Why Are They Surprised?

On Monday, December 30, Michael Medved sounded like he was baffled as to why more and more Americans are placing having (more) children on a much lower place on their list of priorities. Or, at least, he sounded upset. [This entry has been bumped up from 1/1/2020.]

He really needs to have someone who is proudly child-free on the show; someone who can articulate well why they don't see a need for themselves to have children or to encourage others to have children. I'm not talking about an abortion advocate or a population hysteric. Just someone who recognizes that the world has changed and children do not fit into their plans.

Being an observant Jew (of the more conservative - small "c" bent), Medved has no doubt been steeped in a subculture that encourages members to produce as many new congregants as they can (though perhaps not as strongly as Roman Catholicism or Mormonism). More individually, he's a grandpa. The days of struggling to actually raise children is a distant memory for him. Experiences as a  non-custodial grandfather are very different than those of a parent.

Children change EVERYTHING.

Are Pixels to Blame For a Decline in Marriage Rates?

That favorite villain of so many, "porn", is implied in recent news reporting to be a culprit in the marriage rate decline. [This post has been bumped up from earlier publication.] See the headline of Paul Bedard's article at The Washington Examiner for one example: Shock study: Marriage rate declines with porn use, threatening economy, society

Yes, yes, out of everything that has happened, let's blame pixels.

Pornography is replacing the desire among young men for marriage, according to a new study that finds males are chasing “low-cost sexual gratification” on the web over a wife and family.

Once again we see that people think men are supposed to pay a lot of money to have orgasms.

There's so much to be said, and so little time. 

1) Are there some men who say, "Hey, who needs marriage when I can watch porn?" There probably are a few - a very few. Let's think about those men for a moment. If a man who would and could otherwise marry is looking at porn as a replacement for marriage, that means the only thing he thinks women bring to marriage is visual/auditory sexual stimulation, or he thinks the other things women bring to marriage do not outweigh his costs for getting and being married. Do you think it would be a good idea for such a man to get married?

2) However, there are other men who use porn because they haven't married (yet). They want the stimulation, they're not getting it from a wife, so they view porn.

3) There are unmarried men who do not view porn, or at least only incidentally view it. Some of these men never want to marry (again).

4) There are married men who view porn. Some of those men are satisfied with their sex life with their wife, some of the wives are happy with their sex life, and in other cases, he's viewing porn because his wife is sexually rejecting.

5) There are men who marry, and marry at the same age they would have with or without porn, who viewed porn all along.

6) Men can get sexual gratification without viewing porn and without being married. Whether it is masturbation or a girlfriend, or a shack-up, or a booty call, or a friend-with-benefits, it is very easy for an unmarried man to get sexual gratification these days without viewing porn and with little time, money, emotion, or effort spent.

What's Going on With PornHub?

Have you heard that PornHub (and parent company MindGeek) are in trouble or that the company is uniquely problematic? Check out this Twitter thread for a crash-course on what's going on.

Welcome Reddit People

Thanks to the person who linked to this popular entry of the blog in the MGTOW Reddit.

I'm a married father. Marrying was the biggest mistake I've ever made. I encourage men to remain what I call Free Men, and be responsible, productive citizens, and to avoid being used and abused. If you agree, consider spreading the word.

Bookmark my blog. Comment on posts. I hope you find some useful posts here. Share them as much as you want. I'm not getting ad money, nor do I have tip jar. I'm just trying to help men, and when I see that I have, that's reward enough for me.

The Marriage Strike Really Bothers Prager

Dennis Prager again used his "Male-Female Hour" today to advocate people marry, or as I put it, enter into a Mexican Standoff with the state. The way he did this was asking people who'd been together for a while without being married to call, including if they had eventually married and to say whether or not it made a difference. The "funny" thing is he wanted to know if it felt different, he said, but later he dismissed the feelings of people in long term relationships who didn't feel like marrying. [This entry has been bumped up.]

I've previously discussed his rejection of the "I was burned by marriage before" reason for not marrying (again). Very similar to that, he derided the feelings of people who say they don't want to marry because their parents had a bad marriage. He again compared marriage to driving, saying that if your parents had been in a bad car accident, would that mean you'd never drive? Well, for some people, yes! But does he really want to equate marriage with driving?

There's a big difference. People grow up under their parents' marriage. The live in it. They see other people driving all of the time. They don't see the marriages of other people as intimately as they see their marriage of their own parents. Their parents' marriage is the most prominent experience with marriage, by far. It's completely understandable that they don't want to marry if their parents had a horrible marriage.

What if every summer while growing up, the family vacationed for two months in the same vacation home, and the kid hated those two months? How likely would they be to want to go the trouble of buying a similar vacation home in the same neighborhood to live there as an adult? And that's just two months a year. Their parents' marriage was something that had an effect on them every day.

When Prager says he doesn't have any respect for someone who says they don't want to marry because of their parents marriage, I am prompted to give a reply Prager previously found to be lifechanging:

SO WHAT?

So what if you don't respect them? Your respect and five dollars can get them a decent hamburger.


There's another difference between driving and marrying.

Driving gets someone to someplace they want to go. It can help them earn a living, visit their doctor, and do all sorts of practical and enjoyable things.

Especially for a man who is already getting everything he wants from a relationship, marriage gets him nothing. It doesn't take him anywhere he wants to go.

Growing up under a bad marriage can be very damaging to someone. Does Prager deny the impact marriage has on children?

Prager has clearly felt compelled to marry, so much so that he's in his third marriage. And it bothers him that are so many other men who don't feel like they have the same obligation.

Is this a matter of misery loves company? Is this a matter of Prager feeling like men should pay for sex and it isn'r fair that there are men who aren't, or are paying less?

The Radio Industry is Strange

Earlier I posted, and a few moments ago I deleted, a rant about how I had wanted to listen to the debut of the Dan Bongino Show as a replacement for the Rush Limbaugh Show and I missed it, blaming neglect of the website/app for iHeartRadio.

I had expected it to hear it yesterday on AM 1150 The Patriot KEIB, which was literally formatted around the Rush Limbaugh Show. But when I listened yesterday morning, it was a (repeated, I assume) guest host on the late Rush Limbaugh's show. I couldn't figure out why the website wasn't streaming Dan Bongino, and why the Twitter account for KEIB, an iHeartRadio station, didn't explain what was happening.

Turns out even though Bongino is replacing Limbaugh pretty much using the infrastructure Limbaugh built, in the Los Angeles market, his show is running on AM 790 KABC, a Cumulus station. So yesterday, KABC listeners tuned in and heard Bongino speaking fondly of Rush Limbaugh, who didn't air on KABC. I realize the show is national, but it still seems strange it wouldn't air on 1150.

So now I have to wonder what's going to happen to The Patriot, which airs Hannity in the afternoon. How much longer will they run "Rush Limbaugh"? Is the entire format going to flip soon? Or will they try to fill that slot with a local show? Some other national show? Maybe they'll just give up and run paid infomercials.

UPDATE May 27, 2021: OK, it makes sense now. I fell for some radio marketing hype BS that said Dan Bongino was replacing Rush Limbaugh. That wasn't true, at least not literally. Bongino's show might be replacing the Rush Limbaugh Show in some markets, but he's not taking over Limbaugh's actual show or even his place (as we've seen in the Los Angeles market).

Today, the news broke that Premiere Networks, which is an iHeartMedia subsidiary, announced Clay Travis and Buck Sexton will be the actual replacements of Rush Limbaugh.

There may be some markets which carried Limbaugh which are opting to go with Bongino instead of Travis and Sexton, but Travis and Sexton are the actual heirs to the Rush Limbaugh Show.

If You Get Emails When This Blog Is Updated...

Blogger says they're going to stop emailing you for new posts. So, bookmark this blog and make a point of checking it at least once per week. Make it a habit!!!

A Comment Worth Reading

I hate it when I get a great comment, especially one that obviously took some time to write, and one "profanity" is included. I'm trying to keep profanity off of this blog. If there wasn't much to a comment with profanity, I simply don't publish it. When the comment actually had worthwhile stuff to read, I might do what I'm doing with this comment: make a new post out of it.

"Unknown" left a comment on an entry about one of those articles that tried to get men to sacrifice themselves.

I can’t tell you how much guilt I’ve been shouldering from people on why I am single. I am single at 34 while many of my friends are married. Parents aside I understand they want grandchildren and so do I but NOT now maybe when I’m 45. But this whole shaming from my friends wives to co-workers to relatives to just about any person in a relationship is so ridiculous.

It should be considered sexual harassment when done by coworkers. Seriously. If we're going to have sexual harassment laws and policies, people should get busted for that. It creates just as much of a hostile work environment as an unwanted request for a date.

June Is Coming

Sorry, I'm late getting this message out this year, with the lockdowns and all. But some places are opening up, so this message is once again relevant.

Wedding season, gentlemen. Maybe you’re scheduled to be the groom.

Maybe a man you care about is scheduled to be a groom.

Maybe a woman you’re "seeing" or "with" is expecting you to be her date for a wedding or weddings.

Obviously, the first situation is the most dire.

Woman Is Surprised by Modern Dating

Let's check in on Dear Abby and see what's happening there.

NOT CONNECTING IN MISSOURI wrote:

I am a 48-year-old woman, divorced for 10 years.

Let's see... Missouri... middle aged... yeah, not going to be able to get a very high bid.

During that time, I have been in two serious relationships.

I'm wondering what that means? Most likely that she had tha feelz for them.

I'm no prude, but it seems like everyone I date, and who my friends and I talk to, and articles I see are all about sex, having sex, rushing to sex.

Yep. Because sex is fun.

It's like there's no emphasis on actually getting to know a person anymore.

Don't you get to know someone better when you have sex with them?

Let's translate this into English: "I want a man to spend more money on me before I'll have sex with him."

If she TRULY wanted to get to know a guy more, they'd write back and forth and talk on the phone or video chat. She can ask all the questions she wants that way to get to know him better. It doesn't need to be over a dinner at a restaurant.

A Stupid Statment About Adult Media

"Porn is abuse of women."

While there is adult media in which the characters (and, let's assume also in which the performers) are abused, when someone makes a statement like the one above, they lose credibility. I see "serious" accounts on Twitter making statements like this.

One way to test statements like this is to consider that there is porn that features no women whatsoever. How could it be abuse of women if two or more guys make a video? Or one guy?

Also, consider this:

A woman asks her boyfriend (or, if you prefer, husband) to appear in a video with her. They get stark naked, and at her urging, he performs cunnilingus on her. They both enjoy it. She uploads the video to charge money from people who access it.

Either,,,

1) This is abuse.
2) This isn't porn.
3) Not all porn is abuse.

Which is it?

If someone is still going to argue that this is abuse, they have to maintain that her reception of cunnilingus at her own urging is somehow abusing her. Or that her doing so on-camera, per her own desire, is abuse.

Does anyone want to argue that nude people doing cunnilingus on video isn't porn?

Any reasonable person is going see that not all porn is abuse. Calling it abuse, though, probably seems more compelling than saying "muh religion" or "It bothers me that men can get erotic stimulation from women, especially without paying large sums of money and trading freedom to do so."

It's the same thing when someone uses the word "violence" in their argument instead of "abuse".

Like it or not, there are men and women who choose to bare their bodies for cameras, and choose to engage in sexual activity for cameras. Trying to force people to stop doing this or stop watching it is futile. People can make, sell, and distribute porn by themselves using their own handheld device. Anyone who claims they can abolish porn is playing on the gullible, probably for money or votes.

Stop Using Stupid Arguments Against Adult Media

It Is Important for Husbands to Speak Up Honestly

Married men are happier* than unmarried men.

That's what we hear all of the time.

Now, it may technically be true. If you group ALL married men and ALL unmarried men and compare them, the married men may report being happier than the unmarried men.

This doesn't mean that signing a legal contract with the state is what has made a man happy. There are many other possible explanations.

First, though, notice that when you group ALL unmarried men together, you are grouping in divorced men, widowed men, men who want to get married but haven't been able to find/win over the "right" woman (likely because they are financially struggling or ill or have some other condition that might make them unhappy), and generally unhappy men, who are less likely to attract and keep a wife. We need studies that compare intentionally unmarried men to married men. My guess is that intentionally unmarried men would report being as happy or even happier than married men. Also, notice that these are percentages about a population. You'll find individuals who are unmarried but happier than the average husband, and married men who are very unhappy in comparison to the average bachelor. Is there any way to guarantee you'll be in the higher levels of happiness? Not that I know of, but when a man is unmarried he has far more control over his own situation.

Would You Encourage Your Child to Gamble?

It's a sad, brutal fact of life that the odds are literally against the average/random person having a lasting, happy marriage. Put another way, most marriages are not successful, if your definition of success is that the marriages last until death and are generally happy ones.

Let's consider the specific facts:

1) 33-40% of first marriages end in divorce. Subsequent marriages have a much higher divorce rate.

2) Of the marriages that don't legally divorce, easily at least 20% (and probably much higher) fall under one of the following scenarios:
  a) legal separation
  b) physical separation (some people stay legally married for decades after they've split, even if they haven't seen each other in years)
  c) one spouse murders the other, whether or not they then kill themselves (other than the person who claims to have found the body, the default suspect in the murder of a married person is their spouse... what does that tell you???)
 d) the marriage would have ended in divorce, but before that could happen one or both spouses died (whether from suicide, overdose, illness, accident, disaster, violent crime, etc.)
 e) the spouses are miserable, but don't divorce for whatever reason (chicken, habit, masochism), and this might or might involve affairs and/or abuse

So, 33 (which is a lowball) and 20 (which is also lowball) add up to 53% of marriages being "failed" marriages. Add in...

3) A small (but I'm sure rapidly growing) percentage of people never marry.

Those facts all add up to mean that we can literally say most marriages are not lasting, happy marriages and most people will not get married and stay happily married for life.

A Report From the Front

Guys, if you're going to be foolish enough to marry (or even just to let a woman live with you), have a professional background check or private investigation into her. It will be worth it. Check out this comment left after one of my previous entries here.

I was dumb enough to marry a narcissistic, evil, moody, gold digging snake. I was lonely and she put on the fake charm. I did not realize how good I had it being single. I had it all.

That is very, very important. Don't fall for peer of family pressure. Don't fall for the Hollywood Hallmark or Focus on the Family or Dennis Prager marriage-selling pitches. There's nothing wrong with being free (unmarried), and for most men, you're better off.

She became meaner, fatter and more abusive by the day.

Believe it or not, especially in religious circles, there are people who read that and say those things are his fault. He should have been able to lead her in a way, or love her in a way, that she wouldn't have done those things. Or that he's some sort of misogynist for having those complaints. Don't fall for that.

After I filed, I had her investigated and found out, the beast had a criminal record and two previous divorces on her record. She expected to walk away with my house and my kids. I hired the best father’s rights attorney, custody experts and employment experts as she claimed she did not work and I was not an involved father. In the end, I won and kept not only my kids but my home, although it took over two years and over six figures to expose the lying old hag. The truth always comes out eventually. So glad the courts did see that she was the problem. Never again!

So sorry you went through all of that, Anonymous! Thanks for the warning. Please comment at any time.

Again, if you're going to be foolish enough to marry (or live with, or impregnate) a woman, there needs to be FULL DISCLOSURE of anything that could possibly be relevant. If there are red flags, including that she held anything back from you, DO NOT STAY!

Among other things, you need to know:

All of her prior residences and/or properties she's owned
Any prior marriages

Any children she's had, including any eggs or embryos she donated

Her entire medical history, including mental health and dental and her birth certificate

Any significant debts she has or has had

Her credit score and history

Her education record

Her driving record

Her arrest/criminal record
Significant assets she has

Judgments against her

Employment history

It's not romantic, but you know what else isn't romantics? Finding out after you've signed a state contract with her, or worse, had a child with her, things you should have known before.

Can You Give Just One Good Reason For a Man to Marry?

Remider: I've added a page making this challenge.

Comments are accepted on that page, so there's no need to make them here.

He's Doing It Right

Many of the people commenting on this letter to Dear Abby from ALMOST DONE IN NEW YORK think the letter writer is seeing a married man, but it reads to me like he's a pretty good Leykis 101 student or a Free Man.

I have been on and off with a man for two years.

He's been getting sex when he wants it with her for two years. But the relationship isn't "going" anywhere.

In all this time, he has never spent a holiday or Valentine's Day with me, or introduced me to his family or friends.

Perfect! He's not wasting money and effort, nor giving her real insight into his life, nor giving her the impression that he's going to marry her.

He told me to stay in the bathroom at his office when his friends showed up unexpectedly. When I objected, he said, "It's only for 20 minutes." I was horrified.

If that really was his office, it's the one mistake I've detected in this letter. But either way, keeping her from his associated and deflating her are Leykis 101 moves.

He accuses me of picking fights and says I will never be happy with anyone when I try to talk with him about it.

Yup. Keeping her from being complacent or for thinking she can do better than him.

Valentine's Day Aftermath

Are you an unmarried guy who just spent a lot of money and effort on Valentine's Day, only to get what you used to get all of the time? Or did you get less than that?

Did you even propose marriage and give her a ring?

If you're not married, and you just made a big deal about Valentine's Day, and especially if you proposed marriage, you need to step back and think about what you've done and you are doing. Are you regretful? Are you doubting? Are you asking yourself "Why did I do that?" If not, you probably should be.

Most men shouldn't be in exclusive relationships, and certainly not marriage!

Most unmarried men, if they play their cards right, can get everything they want without spending a lot of money and energy on Valentine's Day, birthdays, holidays, or anniversaries.

If there is a woman who is planning to marry you this June, or any other time this year, you probably need to put the brakes on the relationship, especially if there are any red flags. If you're shacking up and/or if she has kids, plan your escape!

You don't need to be married. And there's a good chance that, deep down, you don't really want to be.

So, get out. And learn to be scarce so that you won't get trapped into wasting money, effort, and time on things like Valentine's Day or meeting a woman's family or friends for holidays.

Be a Free Man.

Marriage Week

Every year, marriage sellers take this week for National Marriage Week or whatever, to try to fool men into getting married. 

As a married man who understands statistics and has closely observed the overall situation of marriage in America and other English-speaking countries, I beg you... I literally BEG YOU... DO NOT MARRY if you're a man. You may think you're the exception, but odds are remote that you are.

Please read through this tag to see why you shouldn't marry.

February 14 Will Be Here Soon, Guys!

Guys, if you're not married, you shouldn't be with a woman right now you've been seeing for more than a couple of months.

You're supposed to be scarce to such a woman until at least February 15 (or, until her the day after her birthday, or a day she considers an anniversary with you, if one or both occur soon after).

If you have a girlfriend right now, how were the holidays? How much time, money, and effort did you spend? Did you have to endure her family? Or bring her around your family? What a mess.

If you've been a free man through the holidays, keep up the good work. But if you've got a woman who thinks of you as her boyfriend or fiancé, you need to hit the eject button or get very scarce to her before we get too close to Valentine's Day.

Why?

1) So she doesn't get the idea that this is heading for a marital or live-in or even an exclusive situation;
and

2) To avoid spending money on gifts for her, an overpriced and crowded dinner, hotel rooms, or anything else she might expect.

Be scarce. Be busy, Be "working". Don't answer her calls, texts, etc. or only respond "late" to every third or fourth one, saying you're busy. (She shouldn't know where you really live, or what you're actual phone's number is - use Google Voice or something similar.)

This year, with COVID-19, you have more of an excuse to be scarce than ever before!

If she won't see you again come February 15 (or whichever day it ends up being), so be it. There are many other women, if you still want to see any.

During that time, it's fine to see women who aren't of the "commitment" or "exclusive" thinking, at least when it comes to you. or new women, and you can see a new woman who is alone and desperate on February 14, as long as you're picking her up out and about, on the fly.

Or, use that time to hang out with friends, family, catch up on hobbies, do those chores you've been putting off, etc.

You DO NOT want to be with a woman who is thinking that because you've been seeing her for a while, and you're with her on February 14, that you're going to be exclusive with her, or living with her, or heading towards marriage. You DO NOT want to have to buy her gifts, or pay her way to some party or event or overpriced dinner or hotel room. Whatever you do, do NOT get married!!! (Some people have a simple ceremony on February 14, like at a county office.)

Read more:

What Do I Mean By "Free Men"?

Stop! Don't Propose! Don't Marry!

You Don't Need A Girlfriend

Red Flags