I wrote an article last week about a husband’s great need, and right, to be respected by his wife.
Yeah, good luck with that. Our culture and our laws make that nearly impossible.
But one theme seemed to emerge from many of the messages I received: a lot women have trouble respecting their husbands because their husbands spend so much time watching porn.
Those were probably women who spend all day feeding confirmation bias about how terrible their husbands are.
I maintain, porn or no porn, that husbands should still be treated with respect in their homes.
Uh oh!
But that does not justify porn, nor does it mitigate the impact it has on a marriage. A man who laughs at the very idea that he may be hurting his wife by watching porn only proves the point. He has become so intensely self-involved that his wife's needs are a joke to him. Even when she tells him that she is hurt by it, still, he blows her off and returns to the naked people on the screen.
Why does it hurt her? Usually, it is because she's been TOLD it is hurting her. If she was instead told that she shouldn't be jealous of pixels, she'd probably, in most cases, be just fine.

If I tell my wife that her watching "Jeopardy!" hurts me, what should her reaction be?
In this way, porn is even more insidious than a traditional, in-person affair, because it not only robs the wife of the fidelity and honor she is owed, but it even robs her of the right to feel angry and forsaken by her husband's infidelity.
If that is infidelity, so is using a vibrator or dildo.
Her husband is turning – not just once, by the way, but every day – to other women to satisfy his sexual urges.
Pixels are not people.
He whittles away hours a day sitting in a darkened room pleasuring himself while strangers have sex in front of him.
Hours per day? That's an extremely tiny percentage of married men who view porn, and in such cases, there's clearly some other problem. His porn viewing is a symptom, not the cause.
Notice that he would never allow his wife to use a similar argument against him. She could not run off and have a one-night stand with some guy she met at the gym on the basis that it's "just sex." But if porn is "just porn," then why should sex be anything other than "just sex"?
Uh, because of paternity and STDs and all sort of other reasons. Does he really not understand that?
A porn user certainly can't suddenly discover, when it suits him, a newfound appreciation for the sacredness and intimacy of the sexual act.
So if I watch people having dinner on TV, I can't fault my wife if she has dinner with another man?
Why get worked up that your wife experienced a temporary physical sensation with another guy?
Some husbands don't. But of course Walsh will probably write a column about that.
Oh, but it’s different when you’re watching, you say. But why?
Because you're watching pixels, not joining genitals with other people. Does he really buy what he's selling? Would he really tell a man who is bent on either masturbating to porn or having sex with another woman that they are the same thing? "Hey, you might as well have sex with that other woman!" I don't think so.
Could you sit in someone’s room, two feet from the bed, and witness the act unfold? Should your wife be OK with that, too? Or is it only acceptable when there’s a screen separating you?
How does he not gasp the difference between fictional media and being present in an actual situation?
A woman will obviously begin to feel inadequate if her husband would dredge the depths of PornHub, searching desperately for literally any woman but his wife to satisfy his urges, rather than enjoy her.
That's not the majority of husbands who view porn.
Again, a porn habit is arguably worse than a one-off physical affair in this way. After an affair, a wife only feels the need to compare herself to the one woman her husband slept with. If her husband looks at porn, however, she must compare herself to hundreds and hundreds of mistresses, who are all willing to do things she refuses to do and degrade themselves in ways that she will not.
She must, huh? Completely unavoidable? Sex is degrading?
And, as porn causes a wife to feel less attractive to her husband, it also makes her husband less attractive to her.
He pulled that out of his donkey. You know husbands see other women every day, right?
Porn emasculates, and no woman desires an emasculated man.
Well, what we call marriage now is inherently emasculating, so he's already emasculated.
Porn is passive and self-involved -- the exact opposite of masculine.
I'm sure Walsh never does anything that passive and self-involved.
A wife finds her husband most desirable when he is doing things, making himself useful, serving, protecting, providing for his family.
For a while, she might enjoy having him be her slave. But women tire of that eventually. There really is no pleasing most of them over the long run.

But notice Walsh is really struggling to build a case here.
If you want your wife to see you as a man and feel physically and emotionally attracted to you, go out and do some yard work. Help around the house. Bring home a paycheck. Read to your children. Kill a spider. Go downstairs in the middle of the night to investigate a strange noise. Solve a problem. Lead your family in prayer.
Most husbands who view porn do all of that.

Notice Walsh completely ignores the women who watch porn, including the ones who watch with their husbands and like it, and the wives who sexually reject their husbands. His arguments are completely ineffective to people who aren't strictly monogamous or are voyeurs as mutually agreed. Also, apparently porn is OK if you're not married.

And of course Walsh is getting all sorts of fawning comments after the column and on his Facebook page. But there are also some thoughtful comments as well.