This is Why "Friends First" Can Fail

Today's (6/15/2018) Dear Abby is an illustration of why some men opt to be that unreliable jerk "bad boy" who many women will fornicate with quickly without expecting much other than sex, or in hopes of "taming" him down the line. Such guys can go from woman to woman, especially younger women, and don't have to deal with much else.

My husband and I have been together for almost 20 years. With every year that passes, I fall more in love with him. He's a wonderful person who treats me very well. 

I could go on and on about how caring and considerate he is.

Awwwwww.

However, when it comes to being intimate, I'm just not interested. I have known him for so long and know him so well that, for me, the "spark" is extinguished. In some ways, he almost feels like a brother, which makes it difficult to have sexual feelings.

Translation: "If he were just coming over to hookup and treated me like dirt, I'd be so turned on by that. But living around his laundry and being friends, it's not there for me."

What's the lesson here? If you want passionate sex, don't tell a woman everything. Keep her guessing. Don't be her buddy. Don't live with her.

I tell him many times a day that I love him, because I do. I want him to know he's my best friend and I care deeply about him. We have tried role playing, games, sexy clothing, etc. -- nothing helps me. I go through the motions when I must, because I know it is one of the ways he expresses his love for me.

I give her credit for that. There are an awful lot of women who simple say "Forget it" and sexually reject him, let that menopausal mustache grow, wear frumpy clothes, pack on the pounds, etc.

I don't want to be with anyone else. I just want to know how I can feel excited about being intimate again.

It might not be possible, which is one of the common trade-offs with marriage. But yes, at least try Dear Abby's advice of taking this to your OB/GYN, getting a referral to an endocrinologist, and if that doesn't solve it, a psychologist and sex therapist.

Or, unless you have some religious objection to it, come up with an "arrangement" with your husband, if he still wants passion. Make sure he's shooting blanks and help him find a surrogate or tell him to do it on his own but to be discreet. I don't think that's a good idea, but it's what some people do.

So all of you unmarried men, why aren't you rushing to get married???