Relief Pitcher Playing Until Jailbird Gets Out

Another day, another Dear Abby letter that is too "good" to pass up.

Brace yourselves.

STAY-AT-HOME-DAD wrote:

I am 32 and in a relationship with a 31-year-old single mother.

NO NO NO NO!!!

Her son, "Steven," is 7. Her daughter, "Jessica," is 15.

So "Mom" was pregnant by about age 16?

I am a stay-at-home dad.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAA! Of course they aren't married! He doesn't earn more than she does and she's at least smart enough not to sign a bad contract like that!

Both kids refer to me as "Dad," as I have been a part of Steven's life more than his (incarcerated) dad has ever been.

Watch her dump him and then wring child support from him, and then shack up with her stud once he gets out of prison.

Because I am a stay-at-home dad, this means I take Steven to various professional appointments, doctors, including a psychiatrist for ADHD, the dentist and various sports activities.

Yes, yes, you're a cuck.

I was informed three weeks ago Jessica is pregnant.

Of course she is! Like mother, like daughter! Provided Jessica doesn't have the child slaughtered, your shack up lover will be a 33 year-old grandma!

When I take our boy for doctor's visits, they always want guarantor information, and I always sign.

And you plan to pay with what money?

But after a recent checkup of his, I called for results and was outright lied to -- "We don't have the results back" -- and Jessica's doctor said they can't release any information to me.

Yeah, buddy, you're just the potential wallet and the free babysitter. You're not their dad. Sorry!!!

Abby, I'm in this for the long haul.

You might but is your girlfriend? Oh, it's going to be such a great situation when there's a baby, and you have to take care of the baby, and then the troubled boy gets hormonal... oh, this is going to be great. What a sucker. Wait until Jessica gets pregnant AGAIN!

If doctors will let me sign to pay their medical expenses but I can't have the results, what can I do?

PACK YOUR BAGS AND DISAPPEAR!

Dear Abby was no help, of course. She recommends birth control for Jessica. She didn't bother giving this guy a hint that he's being foolish.