Hey Anonymous Commenter: Stop Seeing Your Coworker

There are hundreds of comments on this blog's most popular entry, so it is easy to miss one. I'm addressing one in particular with this entry, but also below I will post an edited version of two recent comments on the same entry. I tend not to actually publish comments with "profanity", but if they're worthwhile, I'll address them like I'm doing here, edited.

Anonymous 6:36 AM:

Ok so, I'm not sure if anyone will read this or help me by responding but let me explain a bit on whats been going on. I'm 29 years old and have had my eye on this woman I work with for months,

WOAH!!! Hold up there.

If you care about your job, NEVER NEVER NEVER date a woman you work with, or who works for the same employer, or in the same location. NEVER!

Guys, do not ask them out.
Do not flirt with them.
Do not joke with them.
Do not socialize with them.
Do not compliment them.
Do not touch them (except for a handshake, when it is absolutely necessary). No hugs, no high-fives, no taps on the shoulder, no touching!!!
Do not look at them for more than a second at a time, and only in the eyes, or better yet, at their forehead.
Do not gossip or chit chat with them.
Do not talk about personal matters with them, or listen to them talk about personal matters.
Limit your interactions with women at work to what is STRICTLY NECESSARY per your job responsibilities.

When asked a personal question, redirect.

Example:



Her: "So, what did you do this weekend?"
You: "I thought about those reports. They're due by the end of the week."

Even at work "parties" (avoid those if you can) don't chit chat with them. Don't dance with them.

It doesn't matter what your boss is doing. It doesn't matter what the head of Human Resources is doing. It doesn't matter what anyone else, including any woman in question, is doing. Your female coworker could strip naked and dance on the conference table, but you shouldn't cheer, applaud, look, or talk about it.

You need to C.Y.A. All it takes is for someone - someone who isn't even involved - to complain about you making them uncomfortable because you hugged another woman or said something that offended  them. The people who investigate those complaints usually aren't people friendly to heterosexual men.

she is beautiful, smart, caring and a single mother of 2.

Did you read the entry you commented on? Single mothers are a NO!!! Even if you didn't work with her, it's a NO!

I always kept my distance until a couple months ago we had a work project issued to each other that we had to work together on and she basically confessed having a "crush" on me which honestly made me feel great considering I had my eye on her. We exchanged numbers, texted, called on the phone some, met up for dinner/drinks a few times and she seems great and is def attracted to me, but shes very hesitant on telling me much at all about her past, like I still know little to nothing other than she has 2 kids, has a couple sisters, and likes greek food but expects me to tell her everything about my life.

DANGER!!!

She got upset with me a few weeks ago because I sent her a text about how beautiful she looked because she changed her hair and she flipped on me saying "shes worried all im looking for is sex" blah blah.

Why do you need this???

I'm 29 and shes 36 but havent dated much, and now after reading some of this stuff Im starting to think its not worth it and she may have bad intentions.

Good!

It would be great to have this lady as a "side f---" because she is a 100% match on every sexual attribute i look for in a woman but idk.

NO!!! That's asking for trouble!!!

Recently when I text her it could be a day or two before she gets back to me and when she does its filled with apologies and promises about getting together soon but shes ALWAYS BUSY and I do believe she is, she wakes up early takes her kids to school, goes to work 9-5, leaves go picks up her kids from after school daycare goes home and makes them dinner and whatever goes to bed, wakes up does it all over M-F.

Not to mention the guys she sees as booty calls.

If she's this busy she has no time for you!

Her custody split between her ex is that he gets the kids twice a month for like 4 days.

Yours would be the same. You'd see your kid with her 4 days per month, and pay her lots of child support. Which will be very hard after you lose your job. You'll have to pay extra when the kid is born with "challenges" because of her old eggs.

My question is...what do you think she wants from me? She trying to trap me into f---ing up and having another kid with her or what?

Probably. Or maybe she just wants your attention or to have you pay some bills.

I'm successful, drive a nice vehicle and have a beautiful condo that she always asks about.

She's probably looking for a place to move in with her kids!

I'm torn because im drawn to this woman by reasons I cant explain. Any ideas why?

Perhaps you consider yourself Captain Saveaho? You want to play the white knight who swoops in and rescues her. That's a trap a lot of guys need to strive to avoid.

Idk if i should just cut it off and ignore her but I'm forced to see her everyday at work

WHICH IS ONE REASON YOU DON'T DATE COWORKERS!!!

You're already in danger. You should look for another job. Seriously.

But for the time being, you need to let this personal connection with her die out, and hopefully, she'll think she's the one who let it die. Stop pursuing her. Don't try to contact her. If she contacts you on a personal level, don't respond, or at the very least, take longer and longer to respond (and respond with short responses such as "busy, sorry") until it stops. If she does anything hostile like confront you at work, go to Human Resources and file a statement. I'm no HR expert. This is just my own brain at work.

Let's look at a couple of other comments left on the same entry:

I was with a woman for a few months. She lived in my two bedroom condo with me.

Like, you were roommates (bad idea)? Or she moved in with you right after you started dating (even worse)?

We were borderline romantic (candle lit dinners, movies, foot rubs)....she has (at the time she was 2 1/2) a daughter who immediately bonded with me (I've been "friends" with said woman for over a decade but the child is not mine...very long complicated story)... 

Anyway, I found out one night, while babysitting this wonderful child who I was trying to teach not to call me daddy hahaha (she's a little princess, full of love and laughter. I was ready to commit) that woman in question was out sucking her boss off to get a $0.50 raise.

Of course she was! And you were babysitting for free, weren't you?

I was devastated, obviously. 

Long story short, woman in question chose thirty extra dollars a week from a guy who didn't know or give two s---s about the baby, over me. I'm not getting into it but I'm amazing. At a lot of things things. I work in rehab and am specialized in child development. 

Long, boring story short... 

I avoid single moms like the plague.
Damaged goods

Yup. She probably could have found a way to make you pay child support for that child.

The second comment from the same person:

Absolutely damaged goods. It's amazing to me that all the single moms I've met pull the same "responsibility" card.
I'm a supervisor for a rehab facility. I paid all my loans off.
I'm not 30 yet
I got stabbed in the back by a single mother who felt giving her boss a [BJ] for a raise was "responsible". I was babysitting her 2 year old that night
Get off your high horse and use protection.
If you can't, or won't, because your mormon or just plain stupid, don't blame the men who take an interest in you
They might be interested in supporting you and your children, but your small minded, one sided, "it's all about me" attitude isn't going to get you anywhere.
Drop the defenses and realize no man is going to cover for a woman with a kid, if the woman treats him like garbage and the kid isnti his
Wake up.
Male animals in the wild will kill offspring that isn't theirs.
Us guys just want some nookie, and if it works out we'll buy the kids some cookies
Ladies, stop blaming men
We have to be responsible for our own lives.
You know what condoms are for. Use them or shut the hell up.

Guys, get vasectomies.