Sunday, April 03, 2016

An Enthusiastic Wife Can Make a Big Difference

Or, How to Be a Snake Charmer.

This entry is going to be mostly about male sexual performance and is going to get somewhat explicit. If you don't want to read about that, you are warned.

For there to be sexual intercourse or any other sex act involving a penis, a man needs to get erect and stay erect. That's the bottom line. This usually takes getting sexually aroused. Men can be turned on by certain sights and sounds, certain smells, touch, and thoughts. It usually isn't all that difficult to turn a man on. We can go from watching a football game, engage in a quickie during halftime, and go back to watching the game. Even if our team is losing. We don't need the wining and dining and romance. Seduction can be as simple as getting naked in front of us.

Yes, age can diminish the performance of a penis. As teens, guys can get erect for no reason. Into our twenties, we can orgasm/ejaculate and be ready to go again almost instantly. We can be at our hardest, thickest, and longest and maintain an erection longer and easier and more often at this age. Getting older can mean our erections are less impressive and take longer to get "locked in" for a session of lovemaking. Health problems, including extra fat and anything that can impact blood flow can give us some trouble, too.

However, providing a medical condition is not precluding it, an enthusiastic, affirming, and clever lover can make a difference, or as I saw someone else put it, "make it bigger". It is unavoidable that a woman ages, and aging is going to change her body. Sure, visually, most men prefer young, supple, shapely (not fat) female flesh. We also like variety. And those are things a wife can't do much about. What a wife does have going for her (aside from a husband's loyalty), is love, bonding, history, experience, trust, and so forth. Her connection, attitude, and acquired skills can make it so her husband (if a good man) would never prefer some young, beautiful Jane-come-lately over her.

Regardless, if you have a man, you have his penis. Maybe you don't care if it is always more on the flaccid side during lovemaking. But if you want it harder, bigger, longer-lasting, you need to treat it right. Does that sound silly to you? It might. Men are very different than women. As Dr. Laura says, penises don't take criticism (or anything remotely like criticism) well. Men have a special relationship with this appendage and very delicate egos, especially in regards to their genitals.

So what you can do?

It does start outside of the bedroom.

Tend to His Needs - Don't let him get too hungry, for example. If he's just come home from working or has just handled a bunch of errands or chores, let him unwind. Is he getting enough sleep?

Respect Him and Treat Him Like a Man - Treat your man with respect. Also, let him do things for you. Let him get your coat, move your chair, open doors for you, move heavy objects, open jars, reach high places. Don't give him orders like he's a dog. Ask him sweetly to do things for you, or tell him what you need done, especially in a playful way like, "I need a big, strong man to move this table." Don't badmouth him to others or subvert him in front of others.

Flirt - It's OK to get brazen and forward; he's your husband, after all. It could be as simple as walking by him and whispering in his ear that you're going to need him to curl your toes later. What you do with your eyes and lips can drive him wild.

Sweet Talk - The tone an inflections in your voice, what you say, and the words you use can get the hormones surging in your husband. It doesn't have to be sex talk. It could be with anything.

Incidental Touch - Touch your husband whenever you pass by him. If the situation allows, go ahead and give him a quick pat or squeeze in the special places.

Movement - High heels don't exist just to make a woman taller. How a woman moves, including how she walks, can be beautiful or sexy to a man. This doesn't require heels. Putting a little extra swing in your hips as you walk by him is an example.

Looking Good - No, you don't need to wear pearls while cleaning the house, but his wife's making an effort to look good gives a good husband a boost. Be mindful of what you wear, how he likes your hair, and staying in shape. He doesn't expect you to look like an airbrushed model. He likes it when you are looking YOUR best.

Inside the bedroom...

Actually, don't limit it to the bedroom. Take him, or let him take you, in other places. Some husbands never want their wife to initiate. Others like their wife to initiate at least some of the time, and if that is the case, do it. Either way, minimize rejection. That not only includes not rejecting his advances in their entirety, but if there is something specific he wants to do again or try for the first time, try to be open. If you really, really don't want to do it, then divert by initiating an alternative that you do enjoy to want to try, or offer him whatever you know to be his favorite thing. Whatever you do, avoid making your husband feel like his sexual needs are a burden on you or that he's a pervert (unless you know he gets a kick out of the idea of being a pervert). Dennis Prager has something about this called something like "Your Husband Is Not a Pervert".

Many of the tactics described above for outside of the bedroom carry over into times of actual lovemaking. So don't think those stop when the hot-and-heavy stuff begins.

Tend to His Needs - The quiz will give you an idea of what drives most men wild. Be playful and passionate, and unless he has a necrophilia fetish, don't just lie there like a rag doll through the whole thing. Use movement to your advantage.

Try to Get Over Your Inhibitions  - The fewer restrictions there are to your lovemaking and the more thinks in our lovemaking repertoire, the better. If he likes to go down on you, let him! If he has expressed a desire for fellatio and for it to be done a certain way, try to accommodate him. One hindrance I have with my wife is that my wife doesn't want anything that has touched her wet labia to get near her lips. So if my lips, my finger, or my penis touches her labia, they won't have any more interaction with her mouth. I find this limited and distracting, and it can cause me to lose my erection because I'll be thinking about my strategy and if she calls for intercourse when I don't think we've had enough foreplay, once I attempt intercourse there's no going back. I get it... a lot of women don't like the taste of themselves, just like a lot of guys won't kiss if there's a chance it will mean he will get some of his own ejaculate. I make a conscious decision not to shy away from kissing if she's done that for me (and since she hasn't allowed me to ejaculate in her mouth or on her face since we married, it's now not an issue at all... but you get the idea).

Use Your Words - Actually, not just words, but moans, gasps, sighs, or any noise that might encourage him or make him feel like a stud for whom you have an irresistible desire. Tell him what you want him to do. Tell him how what he's doing feels. Tell him what you like about his body. It's OK to exaggerate or outright lie ("You're sooo big.") Just don't use that one if he's smaller than average and knows it.

Use Your Hands - Touch him. All over. Guide him to where you want him, whether it is moving his hand, or his head, or his snake.

Dressing Up and Role Playing - Play to a man's desire for variety. That could mean wearing a wig with a different hair color, or lingerie, leather, or costumes. Role playing can allow both of you to "act out" fantasies that include things you'd never actually do. Maybe one of you is a college professor and the other is a student. That's a tame one.

Put on a Show - Leave a light on, or a flashlight, or a candle, or do it when and where you'll have daylight, and let him see you. So what if your body isn't perfect? It's still appealing to him, unless you have let yourself go completely. Dance around. Strip. Consider masturbating for him. Be mindful of your body language.

Eyes - Eye contact at the right times  can be very, very arousing. Also, if he can see that you're looking at his snake, especially if you are smiling or licking your lips, that's very encouraging.

Value Your Orgasms - If he needs guidance getting you here, give him gentle, playful guidance in a positive way. Then, let yourself go. Do not try to hold off. Some of you are thinking "Why would I avoid an orgasm?!?" but some women do. Let it happen. Let yourself go. And let him know when he gets you there.

Value His Penis - During lovemaking, treat it like it is the most important, wonderful, and attractive thing in the world (yes, I know, many women think they're ugly... but pretend otherwise). If some flavored  dust or lube will help, use it, and treat it like it is the most delicious treat ever (again, yes, I know many women don't like it... so find a substance to put on it you like). Treat it like you can't get enough of it. Use different parts of your body to give it different sensations (mouth, hands, breasts, etc.)  And just as you should value your orgasms, value his, especially his ejaculations.

Do these things, and if he's healthy, he'll be sporting it well.

DO NOT: Pressure him, bring up past performance problems, insult, criticize, compare him or his body negatively to anyone else, laugh at it or him (unless, perhaps, he laughs, in which case you can laugh WITH him but not AT his penis). If he does go flaccid or doesn't get erect in the first place, work on alternatives and be patient. Most men have those moments from time to time.

Discuss concerns, dislikes, new restrictions, or any issues gently and positively in non-sexual situations. Ideally, you would have some creative constructive suggestions or new ideas to talk about, too.

You CAN be a snake charmer.

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