Monday, March 21, 2011

Is It Okay For Her to Initiate a Date?

STEPPING BACK INTO THE SCENE wrote in to Dear Abby:

I am a 40-year-old single mom who is just getting back into the dating scene after being divorced for a year and a half.
How many kids? What are their ages? Why was there a divorce? All of this matters.

There is a guy, "Hank," I'm interested in getting to know better.
E-mail him a list of questions.

We both have kids who go to the same high school. We have gone to several out-of-town football games with our kids and have texted each other often.

What's bothering me is Hank has never asked me on a one-on-one date.
You are both parents to minor children. You shouldn't be dating, other than if the kids are with family for a few hours and you want to do something casual.

Should I ask him, or should I wait for him to make the first move? I don't want to appear desperate, but I really would like to get closer.
Wait until both of you are done raising minor children. Get your tubes tied if you are still dropping eggs. Then, it depends on why you want to go on a one-on-done date. If you're looking for marriage, then you should go where the men are, including Hank, flirt, and accept date requests from any man that seems like marriage material. If what you learn about any of them excludes them from being your husband, stop dating them. If you just want sex, then go ahead and ask him out.

The best way to not appear desperate is to 1) be fine with being unattached, and 2) not limit yourself to one person until/unless engagement is about to happen. If you're doing those things, then initiating a date will not appear desperate.

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