Wednesday, March 09, 2011

Pin the Tail on the Sperm Donor

Sometimes, Dear Abby gets it very wrong. UNSURE IN ILLINOIS wrote in to Dear Abby:

I am the mother of a beautiful daughter who has never met her real father.
You mean the sperm donor?

I wasn't sure about who he was, a fact I'm not proud of.
DNA tests are a must, guys, when it comes to those newborns.

I tried to convince myself that her dad was the one guy I really liked at the time, but as she has grown older, many of her mannerisms and little habits reflect characteristics of the other guy ("Bobby") who was also in my life then. I parted ways with both men while I was pregnant.
Ever hear of... adoption when you were that age? How about, oh, contraception?

I am currently married, although we are struggling. I am now questioning whether I should try to locate Bobby to see if he is the father. I don't expect anything from him, but I would like a resolution.
Hmmmm… she writes "we are struggling" and then writes "I don't expect anything from him." Riiiight.

This could strain my relationship with my husband, but if Bobby is the father, I strongly feel he has a right to know.
Why? Sound like you never told the other guy, either - he had just as much right to know as Bobby, right? Bobby had more of a right to know back when you were on your way to delivering. It is a little late now. Let's get real. She's hoping that Bobby will be rich and more attractive and nicer than her current husband, and that she can leave her current husband for Bobby. She admits it could cause strain in her marriage, and who knows what kind of strain it will cause her daughter and Bobby? She remembers Bobby as the guy she was having sex with all those years ago. He doesn't look the same anymore, and he probably doesn't act the same.

Dear Abby’s response was wrong...

Because you are willing to risk straining the relationship you have with your current husband, explain to him that you need to be sure of the identity of your daughter's father because the man's medical history could one day be important for her to have. It's the truth.
No, it isn't the truth. The girl's real father is the guy who is paying her bills and protecting her (he shouldn't have dated and married a mother of a minor child, and now he's going to suffer for having done so). She can send the daughter to get genetic tests and have medical exams that will determine possible medical issues. No need to contact Bobby.

Then contact both men you were seeing at the time of her conception, explain the situation, and request a DNA test.
Are you kidding me?!? More havoc?!? How about having her husband contact some old flings to check and see if they have any kids that could possibly be his biological offspring?

If you let them know that you don't expect anything from them but their medical history, they may be willing to comply -- and you'll have your answer.
She can say whatever she wants. A lawyer can still sue for back and future child support, and inheritance, on behalf of her daughter.

Guys, if you know you don't want (more) children and are fairly certain that will not change, and you're going to have sex with your wife or fornicate with women who are not your wife, get a vasectomy and have it verified with two sperm counts. Make deposits in a sperm bank first if you think you might change your mind about kids.

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