Tale As Old as Time

A teen girl disagrees with her mother's strict rules. JERSEY GIRL wrote in to Dear Abby:

I am a 15-year-old girl and a freshman in high school. My relationship with my mother is very good. I can talk to her about everything and anything.

Great.

My problem is she won't allow me to date as long as I live under her roof. She says teenagers are too young to date.

Good for her. She's right. You should be focusing in your studies, your friends, your hobbies.

I have recently developed feelings for a boy in a few of my classes, but I am prevented from pursuing a relationship with him.

Are you really? You mean you can’t talk at school?

I feel sad and empty because of this.

That is a good example of proof you are too young. There should be plenty about life keep you happy and full, even if you can't date this boy.

My mother has no reason to keep me from dating other than her belief that I'm too young.

Your age is enough. But she has more reasons than you know.

I am a good kid and get straight A's.

Great! You can be a great student and still get pregnant, get an STD, have your heart broken, have your honor besmirched, get raped, etc. And with the drama of teen dating, your grades may suffer. There will be plenty of time for boys... plenty. It may not seem like it now, but if you concentrate on planning to get out of the house when you graduate, you'll be able to have your freedom.

Friends tell me to date behind her back, which I don't believe in.

The more you follow your mother's rules now, the better chance she'll ease up on them as you get older. Don't try to subvert her rules. You're under her care. It is her rules.

Where's daddy? That's a big part of the problem right there, and maybe it has a lot to do with your mother trying to protect you.

Dear Abby responded:

A parent who prevents her daughter from dating as long as she lives under her mother's roof and expects that when she moves out -- presumably at 18 -- she will automatically be prepared for the dating scene, is delusional.

Uhm, well, how is she any more prepared when she’s three years younger? At least at 18, she will be responsible for herself. Is the goal to get her to be good at dating by age 18, or to keep her out of trouble now?

If your mother prefers that you not date one-on-one at 15, she should consider allowing you to go out in groups, as many teens do these days.

Maybe she should let you invite some friends over, including this boy – where she can keep an eye on everything. The bottom line is that a 15-year-old girl should not be alone in private with a boy. If he's also 15, hormones are raging and he'd do just about anything to get a feel or see some skin.