Out of Order

What a mess. GROOM (?) IN MICHIGAN wrote in to Dear Abby:

I am a 48-year-old man about to be married for the second time. My bride, "Jennifer," is significantly younger than I, but aside from that, we're alike on most issues. We have lived together for five years

Strike one.

and have two beautiful daughters, ages 3 and 7.

Strikes two and three. So it took you almost three years after knocking her up the first time before you decided to shack up? Why not marriage? And then you made a second kid out of wedlock? Ugh.

We are now involved in making wedding plans.

What's to plan? You can get it done with almost no planning. Where I live, you go to the County Clerk and you can get it done with little hassle.

I know it's a woman's special day, but when I ask the normal question of "How much does it cost?" Jennifer becomes unglued.

It's traditionally a woman's special day. You both threw tradition waaaay out the window.

And now that she has you by the balls, she's going make the decisions, and you are supposed to either shut up or be reduced to paying child support and visiting your kids.

If this is how she acts now, what about after the wedding?

It's going to get worse. And you'll be signing over half of your earnings to her (child support will be on top of that).

Am I being an idiot to worry about the money, or is Jennifer being unrealistic by ignoring it and stifling my concerns?

You were being an idiot when you knocked her up. She is being unrealistic now. You have kids, and you need to be financially responsible for their sake.

Dear Abby responded:

So before you go any further, stop the music and insist that the two of you get premarital counseling to ensure that you really are on the same page. It could save you a bundle -- of heartache and money.

If a wedding date has been set, postpone it, without resetting the date until after you get a pre-nup – one that includes a budget for the wedding. Only then should you reset the wedding date. If you haven't already, get a vasectomy. In your next life, don't make babies until you are married.