Other Planning For Retirement

Before the economy took the huge fall in the last couple of years, the issue of planning for retirement moving far beyond financial. Observers were noting that people who had been used to working all of their lives were having a hard time adjusting to retirement, and their spouses were, too. This is something that is especially true of bosses who were used to everyone following their orders, and automatically bringing them their reading material, coffee, and scheduling their days, etc. These guys wake up, sit down at the breakfast table, and everything is different. And their spouse has to deal with them - and that is a hug adjustment.

Consider what "Mike" wrote in to Dear Margo:

I am furious. My wife and I have just had a huge fight - our third in the past six months. The reason? Nine months ago, I retired at age 60, and my wife seems to be angry with me simply for existing. For almost 30 years, we’ve had a great marriage. We worked hard, were prudent when we needed to be and raised two great kids. I did well in my career, and we are financially secure. We both looked forward to my retirement. However, now that I’m actually retired, my wife only seems to want to get me out of my own house!

Okay, so perhaps he needs some outside interests. But he does have some.

Our first fight occurred when she exploded, saying I’m always under foot and need some outside interests. Well, I play golf with buddies twice a week, have a standing lunch with colleagues once a week and go to my health club almost daily. I am out of the house more than she is! Traveling helps, but it’s the same song once we return home.

So it isn't like he's home all of the time, though he certainly is home a lot more than he used to be. He’s deeply hurt by his wife's reaction.

I always had a low opinion of these guys who divorce their wives late in life and take up with some "trophy wife," but now I’m empathetic. I am heartbroken and angry at the same time. I am this close to telling her to get out of my house and looking for someone with whom I can actually enjoy my retirement. Mostly, I can’t believe this is happening, and I feel my love for her dying a little bit every day.

He needs a man cave, like I have (although I almost never spend time in there). Can part of the house be turned into a den? How about the garage? From the letter, it sounds like a big house so there has to be part of the house he can transform into his corner where he can go and be out of her hair.

Dear Margo responded:

I think counseling is in order, and the adjustment needs to be your wife's. You might point out that some retired guys get a red sports car and are "out" quite a bit.

Woah! She did side with the guy big time on that one.

My wife says she never wants me to be away, but then she's never had to put up with me being around all day, day in and day out. I know that although I very much like my time alone, I've never felt annoyed at her presence - but again, I'm not with her all day every day for months on end.