Should You Have a Woman as a Friend?

Inspired by a comment, I want to explore the concept of you, a heterosexual man, having a female friend or multiple female friends.

I'm talking about actual friends, not mere acquaintances.

If you're married, shacking up, or in an exclusive relationship, and hopefully you're not - but if you are, you really "shouldn't" have female friends with whom your girlfriend/wife isn't friends, and certainly not ones your girlfriend/wife doesn't know about. 

"But Ken! I was friends with her before I started this relationship!" Yeah, well, this one of those countless reasons not to get into exclusive relationships in the first place. If your girlfriend/wife isn't friends with her, and you're not hiding her, she's almost certainly been the subject of arguments between you and "your" woman. Right? OK, for some of you unmarried guys, your girlfriend is waiting until you sign on the dotted line (which you shouldn't do!) before she starts trying to end your friendship.

But what about you free men? Is it OK, is it smart, to have female friends? And if you have such friends, should you become scarce around the holidays?

This is not something with which most heterosexual men struggle. Even a lot of women prefer having male friends over female friends. But there ARE some of you out there. Maybe you have a sister and one of her friends became your friend, too.

Let's be honest, though.

If you're a heterosexual guy, you either you think about having sex with her, and would if you "could"*, unless she's hideous. That's just male sexual nature. You think that way about most women you spend any time around.

What happens to you when she gets a boyfriend? If she won't hang out anymore, is that really friendship?

You can be "friends" with the girlfriend of one of your buddies, but when they break up you're either dropping her or she's dropping you or you're trying to get with her.

Getting scarce around the holidays is about women you date. It isn't about friends. In fact, one of the things you should do when you avoid the women you were dating regularly is to spend more time with friends.

If she's a "friend-with-benefits" then she's not a friend, she's a date, and you shouldn't be seeing her except for when you're getting those benefits, and yes, you need to be scarce around the holidays.

If you truly enjoy having her as a friend (without benefits) AND having her as a friend isn't holding you back from anything (like dating), then keep hanging out with her if you want to. But that's very rare. Usually, straight guys who are "friends" with a woman who isn't hideous are just waiting around for her to give him a chance, and that's not a way to live. Even if you like wearing fedoras. 

I'd advise strongly against paying her share of anything if you're "just" her "friend." Do not co-sign with her, do not give her sperm, do not share a place with her. She's your friend because you enjoy each other's company. You shouldn't be giving money or sperm donations to a woman even if you're dating her, let alone a friend! Don't be a sucker!

So... in rare cases, you can have a female friend, and you don't have to ditch her before the holidays.

*You "can't" because of your moral code, she's taken, or she won't do it with you because she's not attracted to you (most women aren't) or she's a lesbian.