Monday, March 19, 2018

Is Fake Bad?

"Marriage is real. Porn is fake."

That was tweeted out by a Twitter account that is constantly warning people about porn.

The way this is worded implies a person's choice is to either be married or watch porn. Or, if we're being really generous, that their can put their energy into their marriage or they can put it into porn. The most plain reading is that marriage is good because it is real, porn is bad because it is fake. It's a contrast between the two.

We could just as well say:

"Work is real. Action movies are fake."

Media is fake. Even much of "reality" television, even documentary movies, are "fake" in the sense that they can't give a full view of reality.

Here are some other things that are "fake":

Romance novels
The 50 Shades series
Kardashian shows
The Bachelor programs
Soap operas
Princess stories
Romantic comedies
Engagement ring advertisements
Sitcoms and advertisements in which women have it all together and men clueless
Magazines/websites that tell you how to have a better relationship or are all about weddings

Plenty of married people indulge in those things. So why not porn as well? Many do, Most of the viewers of porn who are 18 or older are married. They're married, and they view porn. At the same time.

Furthermore, this statement, that marriage is real and porn is fake, gives no reason to people who aren't married, especially people who never want to marry, to avoid porn.

And yes, a growing percentage of people, especially men, are deciding not to marry (or not to marry again).


Well since we're contrasting marriage and porn, let's see if that can help explain it.

Media (including porn), is available when someone wants it, can be shut off when they're done with it for the time being, and makes no demands whatsoever of someone other than the attention someone freely gives to it. It doesn't require the viewer buy goods and services the viewer doesn't want, it doesn't nag the viewer, it doesn't take control of the viewer's schedule, it doesn't try to alienate the viewer from friends and family, it doesn't cause scenes, it never rejects the viewer. It is so good at giving the viewer what the viewer likes, it is "addictive". Marriage, on the other hand, is difficult to get into, can be ended unilaterally by the spouse, is frequently frustrating, takes a lot of work to maintain, and quite often does not provide the visual and auditory stimulation someone might desire.

Media don't treat me like a butler. It doesn't keep adding complications and problems to my life. It doesn't get guaranteed access to my earnings for the rest of my life. It doesn't get over half of my earnings as a matter of law. It can't kick me out of my own home and compel me to pay for it to continue to live in that same home.

But many people who have decided to avoid marriage don't view porn. Because the options aren't exclusive. Someone can view porn and be married, someone can not view porn and not be married.

Finally, while the legal (financial) obligations of marriage are indeed very real, there's a lot of fakery in marriage. Any husband who is completely honest with his wife is going to be called cruel, insensitive, controlling, even abusive. Most wives tell a lot of "little lies" as well. Some lies are not little at all, such as "Of COURSE this is your baby! How dare you insinuate otherwise!"

Maybe it isn't such a good idea to contrast marriage and porn?

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