Frankly Speaking

Frank Pastore is a retired MLB pitcher who went from atheism to devout (and educated) Christianity. He has an afternoon drive talk show on local Christian radio station KKLA 99.5 FM. He calls it "the intersection of faith and reason". I generally like him, how he does his show, and what he says on his show about theology and politics.

But I do have a quibble.

He posts "run sheets" about what happened on his show, with links to websites of the guests or the material he discusses.

According to his run sheet, on Wednesday, July 22, from 6:28pm to 6:38pm, he discussed this:

Single moms, how can we as the church help you? Men's groups, shame on us for allowing their need to go unanswered!

Before I really get going, I want to at least commend Pastore for actually using the word "shame" instead of just the tactic, as is so common in today's culture, including the church, when it comes to men. Also, I did not hear the segment, but I have heard other segments of his show lately on issues of gender. With that said...

Excuse me? Why is it the responsibility of the "men's groups" at a church to take care of single mothers? Yes, I strongly believe it is the role of the church to care for those in need, including showing those in need ethical, moral, and legal ways to get out of being needy so that they, in turn, can help others. I certainly think it is better that people in need get their help from the church instead of the state.

But it is the role of the whole church. Not just the men, not the "men's groups", to take care of those in need. In the instance of single mothers, it should first and foremost be other women in the church who are ministering to their needs. It certainly isn't the role of men's groups to provide single mothers with companionship and attention.

I like that Dr. Laura makes a distinction when it comes to single mothers. When someone identifies themselves as a single mother (or father), she asks if they are "divorced, widowed, or never married". There is a difference. Most single mothers picked the wrong man with whom to make babies, or they made babies with a generally good man but treated him badly and/or divorced him and took custody of the children. These days, there are a few who deliberately used official or de facto (intentional one night stand or casual fling) sperm donation – intentionally depriving their child of a father. There are widows whose husbands were killed by some fluke or unpreventable terminal illness or negligence on the part of others, or in the line of duty, and they have my sympathies. There are also widows who picked a guy prone to violent or self-destructive behavior, which lead to his premature death.

These things are relevant because the church needs to approach these different women differently. A mother whose husband was killed serving his country or community doesn't have the same issues as a mother who keeps getting pregnant outside of marriage with different men.

Just as there should be roles in the home, it does make sense for there to be roles in the church. Men's groups can be tasked with things like security, doing auto repair and handyman and moving for any members of the church in need, or the church itself. Likewise, women's groups can be tasked with baking, shopping, babysitting, etc. When our first child was freshly born, different couples would bring us home cooked meals. In reality, the wives were doing the cooking. (And God bless them for doing it.)

But men's groups should not be tasked with most of the needs of single mothers. It isn't appropriate. If the father of those children is in the church, then the men's groups can lead him in in the direction of being a good father to his children, and possibly towards reconciliation/marriage to the mother of his children. The men's groups can help in the same way they would help any other person in the church. We shouldn't expect, say, a member of the church who is a plumber who gives a discount to other members of the church to do free work for a single mother simply because she is a single mother.

Otherwise, it should be well-grounded women in the church who are meeting the needs of single mothers.

I will not hold my breath waiting for Pastore, or other people in Christian media, to say "Women's groups, shame on you for allowing the needs of single fathers to go unanswered!"

In general, the church should not be asking men to take care of the needs of women without also asking women to take care of the needs of men. Most of all, the church should be teaching people how to rely on God and how to address their own needs (if God has left it to them) before seeking help from others.