Pulling a Double Shift

Some eleven-month-olds are twins, but unusual. So says this story from Fox Network's Dallas station.

"I have twins, but they're by different fathers," said Mia Washington.

The twins' parents contacted FOX 4, wanting to go public with their story.

Yuck. I think that was a terrible idea.

Washington admits she had an affair that resulted in two babies, born at the same time, fathered by two different men.

Sounds like something to trumpet from the rooftops, no?

"I'm very shocked," Washington said.

Why? You did know that you had two different penises inside you, right?

The parents went to Dallas DNA Lab Clear Diagnostics after noticing the twins have different facial features.

Uh, you mean like every other fraternal twin set in world?

When twins have two fathers, doctors call it heteropaternal superfecundation.

And I call it sluttery. And that at least three people were completely ignorant of contraception.

Dreiling said the medical marvel can happen when a woman releases multiple eggs during ovulation. If she has more than one sexual partner within the same time period, sperm cells can fertilize two separate eggs.

Is there anyone who has gotten past sixth grade who didn't know that?

The twins’ father said he's forgiven his fiancé's infidelity and has vowed to stay with her and raise both boys as his own.

His fiancé. Wouldn't want to rush marriage, or anything. You weren't married, buddy, so it wasn't infidelity unless you consider all sex prior to marriage infidelity. My guess is that you don't consider all of the other sex you have had with other women before meeting Washington to be infidelity.

"I'm trying to let everybody else know: Don’t put yourself in my shoes, because it can hurt and it does hurt, but you still have to go on with life," she said.

Well I’m glad they included that. And thank you, because if it weren't for you, I would have no idea that unprotected sex with multiple men around the same time could have negative consequences.

Washington said she plans to tell the boys about their DNA differences when they’re old enough to understand.

You're not going to have much of a choice, are you, since you went public with the story? Your kids would have been better off if you hadn't gone public and they never found out they were conceived by two different guys. "Mommy had sex with two different men around the same time, and didn't bother to use protection, so you're only half siblings - one of you isn't daddy's child." Why do that?!?

As for the other father, she has no plans to tell him.

Unless you were with a lot of different guys back then, he can probably figure it out... especially since you've gone public. He probably feels like he is off the hook (though he isn't), but on the other hand, he may sue – and get – some level of custody or visitation, especially since these kids were born outside of wedlock. Wouldn't that be lovely?

Nowhere in the article does it actually say this guy, James Harrison, is the biological father of either of them. It is possible that neither of them are his by blood. And guess what? It will be possible for her to divorce him after 10 years, extract alimony from him (for life) and child support, even if neither of the kids is biologically his, and then live with some other guy – maybe even one or both of the biodads.

Hopefully, that doesn't happen. Hopefully, these kids will be raised in a stable, happy, married household feeling like they are with mom and dad, but it isn't looking so promising for that to happen.

Guys, be careful where you stick it.