Yes, Even More Dr. Laura SAHM Reaction

Time for another survey of what is being written online about Dr. Laura, in reaction to her new book and her publicizing of it.

Anne Hart disagrees with the notion, which she falsely attributes to Dr. Laura, that "ALL moms should stay home for the first five years of their children’s lives."

How can you declare unilaterally that each and every mother and child are better off at home?

She didn't. Next!

Instead, I uphold a mom's ability to choose the right work-life balance and child care arrangement for her family.

What does that mean, really? Of course they can choose – but does that make everything they choose right? What if a woman worked three jobs and was never home, and neither was dad? If that is what she chose to do, would that still be right?

Yes, Dr. Laura, some moms can be breadwinners and breadmakers. And be good at both.

Sure. But almost no women can work full-time AND be fully there as a mother AND wife. I'm willing to admit that my role as a father is not as prominent to my child as my wife's role as mother, because I am not there as much as she is. How can you do something without being there to do it???

However, oodles of work-outside-the-home moms make incredible use of the time they do have with their children, proving there is such a thing as quality over quantity.

I highly doubt this woman would accept that statement from a lover. "Hey, it was good five minutes. See you next week for our next quality time session!" Well, maybe she would if she had a really low libido and no need for foreplay or romance.

Children I know who are in day care or in the care of a nanny or baby sitter are independent, outgoing and have the advantage of seeing their mom have a rewarding professional life.

Maybe they are detached, aggressive, and do not see the point of having children you don't raise yourself?

While I'm thankful for the ability to stay-at-home with my children, there are emotional and financial frustrations that come with that decision.

Yes, and thank goodness there are none of those at the office.

Would my kids be better off if I had the fulfillment, adult interaction, alone time and paycheck that comes with a job outside the home? I don't know.

You don't interact with adults? The only place you can interact with adults is at the office?

However, not every mom has the choice to stay home.

Yes, actually, they do. Maybe not after they buy a house and car and timeshare that they can't afford and become mothers, but the choice was there.

Work-outside-the-home moms already feel guilty enough without you accusing them of parenting by proxy.

Apparently, they don't. Because they are still doing it and still saying it is the right thing to do.

Just one in five working mothers say full-time work is the ideal situation for them, Pew reports. Most want part-time work or more flexible hours.

Many want more time with their children.

And I can see where that is going... they’re going to ask Big Daddy Government to pay them so they can work only when they want to. Hey, I want more time with my kids, too. How about paying me not to work?

Why not write a book that advocates for more mom-friendly changes in the office?

I'm sure she'll get right on that right after she writes about how to find a more gentle abortionist.

Why not push for paid maternity leave; part-time jobs with insurance benefits; and a national minimum standard for paid sick days so moms can stay home with their ill kids?

You see where this is going? We're all supposed to rearrange everything because people want to "have" kids and have stuff and have a professional ego. We're all supposed to pay even more to support other people we don't even know so that they aren't "restrained" by the concepts of picking the right spouse and then making children with them, only if and when they are prepared to be a parent.

Savannah Red responded to Hart in this blog posting, which is pretty good.

"scripto" commented on that entry accusing Dr. Laura of not being their for her own son, which of course is bunk. Scripto thinks reading blogs is "research" into a famous person.

Over at Deep South Moms Blog, we get this:

I am wondering why there is no such thing as the Daddy Wars. It seems that fathers have been omitted from the equation of parenting. Dr. Laura, whom I consider to be a class A nut job anyway, seems to think dads are but a blip in our children's lives.

I guess it is impossible to praise someone these days. If you do, you must be insulting all of the people you are not praising with that moment of praise?

The media, including parenting magazines of every ilk, focus solely on women.

You're right. SAHFs get short shrift. Women make most consumer choices, so the magazines focus on them in general – but when it comes to parenting, there are many more SAHMs than SAHFs. That's a fact. And you know what? A lot of women give SAHFs short shrift, too – including some wives of SAHFs.

Is the onus of raising healthy, happy, productive, aware, confident, giving, empathetic children on mothers alone?

Nobody, save for some single-motherhood or lesbian advocates, has said it is.

Fathers are infinitely important to the fabric of a family. To ignore that fact is detrimental to our children in countless ways.

Agreed! But, the fact is, men are still expected to be breadwinners by most women, and most women choose to marry a man who earns more than they do.

Over at this blog, "Kristi" writes against Dr. Laura, defending her status as a mother working away from her kids. She, like so many others, falsely accuses Dr. Laura of being hypocritical for working and having a son (I should number these memes and simply refer to them by those numbers).

Then she looks down on Dr. Laura being happy that nannies are out of work as people save money in the face of layoffs by raising their own kids, citing the lack of work for the nanny. Would Kristi be upset if oncologists were losing their jobs because breast cancer rates plummeted?

The implication that a mother who works outside the home is not a full-time mom, is no more present in her child's life than the UPS man, and is being selfish by working either a.) because she has to in order to make ends meet, or b.) because she loves her career and finds it fulfilling, is nauseating to me.

Okay, well you try telling your boss that you are working full time, and give your boss the same waking hours most women working away from their kids give their kids (or their husbands!), and see if your boss agrees that you are working "full time".

Do we really need another book that pits mothers against each other? I think not.

The book is simply in praise of SAHMs. How does that pit mothers against each other? Don't confuse a publicity interview with a book.

Over at "Hip Moms Who Work", "Where cool working moms come together", "Andrea", who admits not having checked out the book, again notes that Dr. Laura worked while having a young son.

She also claims she has respect for SAHMs. My question is... why? If children do not need their mothers (or, as I have said, their fathers if their mother is the breadwinner) with them and are just as well off with others, then aren't SAHMs slackers, who should be contributing income to the home and contributing to the workforce?

It seems to me this position is inconsistent. I do respect SAHMs because they are doing what is best for their children. That is not inconsistent.

Over at Deep South Moms Blog, again, we get this:

However, when my son was born, I had a really amazing job. I was paid well and the job was providing security for our future. To leave that job would have been financial suicide so my husband and I made a decision. One of us needed to stay home and the most logical choice at that point was him.

If you had ever bothered to listen to Dr. Laura, you'd know she supports that, too, as long as the wife can still respect her husband. Some women don't.

Instead, she pulls a quote from a WSJ interview.

WSJ: Where do stay-at-home dads fit into the picture?

Dr. Schlessinger: I recommend that during the first three years, the mom should be at home because all of the research shows that the person whose body you come out of and whose breast you suck at, at that stage, really needs to be the mom -- unless she's incompetent, irrelevant and immaterial. After that, flip a coin.

Women and men are different, and those differences more often make mothers the better choice than fathers to stay with the kids. But yes, there are exceptions. If the woman is in a position that provides better security, enough to outweigh the difference between men and women, then sure. Especially if the husband's personality is good for this role. But in general, mothers are better equipped than fathers for this role.

The bottom line to me is this, we are all in this together...this bringing up of the next generation and we all need to support each others choices.

Nope. There are choices I make you wouldn't support. Let's not pretend otherwse for the sake of comfort.

A lot of these bloggers note that Dr. Laura has a high income, and had flexible work hours, and that isn't how it is for everyone. As if Dr. Laura got to that point by pure luck, through no choices of her own. Some also will put "Dr." in quotes, which makes me wonder if they do that with other Ph.Ds? She's not calling herself "Laura, M.D.", you bitter shrews and scummy guys.

And as if this installment wasn't long enough, I note that over at "Randomness from the Right Side of the Bed", calling itself "ramblings from a working mom of 2-year-old baby boy godzilla, 1-year-old princess, and the newborn diva born August 2008 - swimming through the depths of sleep deprivation, stress, and dealing with a demanding Daddy", someone known as "darkfairymomma" bitches about Dr. Laura, but doesn't say why Dr. Laura is wrong.

I wonder what qualifies as a "demanding Daddy"? A husband who wants sex?

There are positive reactions out there, too, thankfully. Click on the Dr. Laura tag below to read more posts like this one, and to see that I don’t always agree with Dr. Laura, though I usually do.