Wedding costs can be outrageous. Every dollar spent on the wedding is more than a dollar that you won’t have down the road during the marriage – to spend on a home, or a car, or education, or retirement, or medical care, or insurance, or a vacation.
A typical bride-to-be, Katrina Macrae has bought a dress, browsed different varieties of flowers and settled on a date and location for her April nuptials.
But her bridal gown is actually an ivory-colored prom dress that she picked up for $160. The flowers will be purchased wholesale from the flower district in downtown Los Angeles the day before the wedding. And she's getting married to her fiance, Scott Smith, on a Sunday, when location fees are usually cheaper.
My wife also found in inexpensive – but very beautiful – dress, and got the flowers wholesale.
At a time when the average wedding costs about $30,000, Macrae, of Redondo Beach, plans to spend $8,000.$30,000 – and that’s for average. That’s probably taking into account those quickie civil ceremonies. Some people spend much more than $30,000 on the flowers alone. Ridiculous. We beat the average, thankfully, and still had the wedding in a beautiful church on a Saturday.
Then, in April, she was laid off from her job at an architectural firm because of the cooling housing market, and Turner said she realized more than ever that a wedding shouldn't mean "starting your life off with debt."
That is true even in an economic boom.
And when Turner learned she'd have to fork over $4.25 per guest for a cake-cutting fee, she scrapped plans for a wedding cake and ordered cupcakes.Good for her! I attended a wedding where the bride and groom had a small cake of their own, and everyone else got some of several sheet cakes from Costco. Good move.
There’s a paradox in our current culture that has elevated weddings while degrading marriage. The wedding day has always been the bride’s big day (you don’t see Modern Groom magazine on many coffee tables, do you?), and so the tradition that her parents pay for the wedding made some sense. Now, as people have their weddings later in life, they tend to pay more for their own. Since women tend to marry men who earn more than they do, what this really means is that the groom is paying for the bride’s party. Her day to wear an expensive dress she’ll never wear again. Her day to be the center of attention. Her day to have flowers everywhere, that will die in mere days. Plus to even get there, he has to buy her an expensive diamond and gold ring.
We’ve turned weddings into an excuse to throw parties and get gifts and then go on a vacation.
And then there are weddings where I have to wonder why the groom is even bothering. If they are already shacking up, why, other than the parties and gifts, should they bother to get married? And get married in a church, no less? I know why some guys do this – they are afraid she’s going to leave without a wedding. The thing is, if they were shacking up for a while, chances are she’s going to leave anyway, or rather kick him out - or so the statistics would have us believe. Only post-wedding, he’ll be obligated to pay her alimony.
Let’s not forget the bachelorette parties, either, which, from what I understand, tend to get raunchier than bachelor parties. Why bother to get married if you value your intended so little that you’ll participate in some of those shenanigans? Just stay single and enjoy those shenanigans whenever you want to. I firmly asserted that I would not have stippers, "dancers", prostitutes, porn films, or any related stuff of that sort in my pre-wedding festivities, and despite prodding from some of the guys, I insisted on sticking to that.
We should celebrate marriage with nice weddings, but we should also celebrate marriage in other ways – like saving sex and living together for marriage. But how many of us do that? Attending a wedding used to mean pledging, as a witness, to support that covenant. It wasn't just a party and a meal.
Finally… since weddings are really about the bride, and since more often the groom is the one paying for it, I think most of these guys should see if they can get a pre-nup that will take the costs of the wedding – with interest – out of any money she gets in the event of a divorce – especially if she is the one who files for divorce. Not sure if such a stipulation would stick.
Umm, people have been having sex outside of marriage for centuries...that's why it's called the world's oldest profession
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by.
ReplyDeletePeople have been doing all kinds of things for centuries. Doesn't mean it is a good idea.
I know it is common. I don't think it is the end of the world. I'm just saying that, ideally, sex is for marriage, and if you're already having sex regularly, why get married? Because of a religion? Well which religion are you following if you're fornicating?
A lot of men (and women) have noticed that if they were having sex regularly before they married, it drops off after the wedding. So if it is really something you can't wait until marriage for, then perhaps you should never get married at all?
Some people fornicate because one or both of them think they are going to get married. In fact, that used to be called "breach of promise" if they ended up not getting married, and people (mostly men) were sued because of it.
Sure, most people aren't going to wait for marriage to have sex. But they shouldn't come to me then and ask me to pay (taxes) for their bastard child or their treatments for STDs, or listen to their complaints about their broken heart, or how tough it is to raise a child alone.
I'm not sure I follow you. Who exactly has asking you to pay taxes for 'their bastard child'? Or listen to 'their complaints about their broken heart'?
ReplyDeleteHow would you pay for someone's STD? There is no public healthcare system here (yet).
How would you pay for someone else's child? By theoretically contributing to their taxpayer-supported public education? Well, last I checked, we all had the right to that, regardless of parentage.
And wouldn't it be the absent father's fault for leaving his child behind--aren't fathers equally responsible for their children in this world? That is what child support is for.
As for sex and religion, it would seem to me that the hallmark of religion is forgiveness, not exclusion or the casting of aspersions.
It's also interesting how slaves in the 19th century were not allowed to either a) practice religion or b) legally marry. They either 'made' their own religion--concocted from their own knowledge of African and American ways and they paired up in their own ways--jumping the broom, etc. Does that make their families any less legitimate?
I looked up fornication in the OED (that's the Oxford English Dictionary), and the definition is:
"Voluntary sexual intercourse between a man and an unmarried woman. In Scripture extended to adultery."
Interesting that it specifies that the woman be unmarried, but not the man. I'm not quite sure what to make of that just yet.
chicagokate... Thanks for stopping by and for your comments.
ReplyDelete"Who exactly has asking you to pay taxes for 'their bastard child'?"
Anyone who gets taxpayer assistance for their child.
"Or listen to 'their complaints about their broken heart'?"
Plenty of people.
"How would you pay for someone's STD? There is no public healthcare system here (yet)."
Actually, when health care companies charge me more to cover the costs of STD treatments for people who can't pay, yeah, that's passing the costs on to me. And there are taxpayer-supported hospitals. And people ARE asking for universal health insurance. Really... why I should I be forced to pay for someone else's STD treatments?
"Well, last I checked, we all had the right to that, regardless of parentage."
I believe in the separation of state and school.
"And wouldn't it be the absent father's fault for leaving his child behind--aren't fathers equally responsible for their children in this world?"
They should be. But women DO have the choice who to have sex with, unless we're talking rape. Women choose to have sex with deadbeats - KNOWING they are deadbeats - and often do so without properly using contraception.
"That is what child support is for."
Except often it is excessive. It doesn't cost more to raise a child just because a man is wealthy.
"As for sex and religion, it would seem to me that the hallmark of religion is forgiveness, not exclusion or the casting of aspersions."
The hallmark of religion in general is forgiveness? I don't know about that. Religions have a wide variety of priorities.
"It's also interesting how slaves in the 19th century were not allowed to either a) practice religion or b) legally marry."
Yeah, American slavery was wrong because it denied the personhood of human beings. That doesn't really have to do with anything else.
"I looked up fornication in the OED (that's the Oxford English Dictionary), and the definition is:"
I used the word to apply to any sex outside of marriage, including adultery.
"Interesting that it specifies that the woman be unmarried, but not the man. I'm not quite sure what to make of that just yet."
Strange people at Oxford?
I have a BETTER idea on how to save on wedding expenses-don't fucking get married in the first place!! Not only will the guy have the front loaded costs of the wedding, reception, and honeymoon; he'll have the back end costs of divorce for his and her lawyers, alimony, and child support. DON'T GET MARRIED!
ReplyDelete