The Men Who Are Beaten Dogs

The best humor contains a lot of truth. Check out the late great Sam Kinison's first appearance on national broadcast television, on Late Night with David Letterman:


That was in the 1980s. Things have gotten worse since.

Beaten Dogs are the opposite of Free Men.

They are emasculated. Their dreams have been killed.

We all know beaten dogs. Some of us are beaten dogs.

Beaten dogs deny themselves, or are denied, not only their dreams, but peace, quiet, autonomy, freedom, and many joys. They are often denied the ability to enjoy the fruits of their own labors. Their current lot in life is quiet (at least usually) desperation, servitude to an irrational and often abusive creature in the form of a wife, girlfriend, or babymamma.

Quite often, what accompanies this, if not retired or on disability, is employment in bleak conditions, often until they die. They are lucky if they have one space at home that is truly their own, and any time with the guys, apart from the clucking hens, shrill shrieking shrews, and ungrateful brats.

If a Beaten Dog has a job they enjoy, they will try to spend as much time on that to avoid being home. Otherwise, they might take up golf or bowling or try to find some other way to hang out with guys.

Make no mistake. Beaten dogs put themselves into this situation. They believed what was sold to them about relationships, marriage and/or parenting. "They didn't choose the right woman," say many observers. For most of these men, there was no such thing. The problem is that they didn't take the necessary steps to be and stay Free Men.

Can a Beaten Dog become free? Yes. But it takes changing just about everything, takes a lot of time and energy, and a whole lot of money. It almost always means needing to move and get a divorce. It means the loss of a lot of supposed friends, and possibly losing relationships with their sons and daughters, and maybe their parents and siblings as well.

Prevention is best. Stay free!

Running Game as a Father

If you have children, you need to make them your priority. If you're no longer with their mother and reconciling isn't possible, don't bring more chaos to their lives via new women and the children of those women.

Running game can help with that, because it minimizes the amount of time, money, and energy you spend on women and keeps those women separate from the rest of your life.

Get a vasectomy if you haven't already. Your kids don't need you making half-siblings for them to deal with.

Date when your kids are not with you. If you have full custody, see if your siblings or parents can babysit, but accept that you're not going to have as much free time or freedom as if you were a completely free man. Do not date when your minor children are with you, even if they are teens who can stay home without you. They need your attention.

Never bring any of your lovers around your minor children. Don't make the mistake of thinking you need a girlfriend or wife to be a mother figure for your children. If their mother isn't in their life, and you think they need a mother figure, move next to your sister or mother. Even if you'd foolishly want to marry (again or for the first time), marriages in which there are stepchildren have a very high failure rate.

If their mother is bringing her new lovers around them, if she even makes more babies, you can't control that, and it is all the more reason for YOU not to add chaos to the lives of your children. Make sure your children are aware and will report if any of their mother's lovers or the lover's children abuse or attempt to abuse them, because according to reported statistics, abuse is more likely in such situations.

If you didn't avoid creating a broken home for children, consider running game as how you handle dating.

Who Is Right About Staying Together For the Kids - Dr. Laura or Dennis Prager?

Dr. Laura's priority is the well-being of minor children. She has experience as a marriage and family therapist, although she's far more experienced as a radio talk show host and author dealing with family problems, moral dilemmas, values, ethics, and more.

Absent actual abuse, she tells married parents who want to divorce to wait until the youngest child is 18 years old, up and out of the home. Her reasoning is that this avoids breaking up the child's home and bringing chaos into their lives while they are minors.

Dennis Prager, who says people should divorce instead of living in misery, says that it can be worse for the children to be in their (adult) late teens or early twenties and then have their parents split, because then the now-grown children think of their family life as fake or a lie, and they can still get extremely upset about the divorce.

It should be noted that Dennis Prager, who has no formal experience as a marriage and family therapist and has written much less on parenting/family and spends fewer talk show hours discussing those issues, has had more children than Dr. Laura and one more divorce than her (Dr. Laura was not a mother when her first marriage ended).

It's one of the things I would very much like to hear these two radio talk show host veterans discuss directly. I doubt that will ever happen since their shows aren't part of the same company. Also, because Dr. Laura refuses to argue/debate on her show, and my guess is that would also include any other show as well (this is probably one big reason she didn’t appear anyone else's show for many years, except for one on the same channel as hers - on which she doesn't argue.)

Unlike either of them, I would advocate most people avoid this question entirely by not marrying.

We Are Not a Project

I found a column by Suzanne Fields at conservative site Townhall. With a headline of "A Good Man Is Still Hard to Find" I took notice. [This entry has been bumped up.]

Women have been complaining since the original Adams family was evicted from the Garden of Eden that "A good man is hard to find."

Whining, complaining, nagging... yep.

Despite radical feminist mockery of the very idea of manliness, that men are natural sexual predators, most women -- with very few exceptions -- still want one.

Of course they do! It's nice to have the cash flow, the bodyguard, an errand boy, and a receptacle for your whines and gripes and thoughts.

The #MeToo movement has nevertheless changed a lot of things in the wake of the sexual harassment-scandal season. One of them is the regard in which men are universally held by women. It often seems we're back to the '80s, when there was a similar assault on the idea of manhood and some women decried all sex as rape.

Radical feminist activists Catherine MacKinnon and Andrea Dworkin were widely credited with saying that "all sex is rape" and "all men are rapists." They both deny the statements, but Dworkin conceded that she did say, "Penetrative intercourse is, by its nature, violent."

No wonder men are choosing to To Their Own Way (see MGTOW).

An Answer to Dennis Prager's Question

Dennis Prager, who, perhaps, prioritizes promoting marriage over everything else, used his Wednesday, June 29, 2022 "Male/Female Hour" to talk about ultimatums to marry.

Men, if she gives you such an ultimatum, do NOT give in.

Dennis Prager asked "What's the rational response to 'If you love me, you'd marry me.'?"

Here it is. Put on your glasses, Dennis. Look closely.

"If you love me, you won't encourage me to enter into a terrible state contract that is detrimental to me."

There it is. That's the rational response.

It is rational to refuse to enter a terrible contract.

A man and woman can love each other, still commit to each other, still share their lives, still take care of each other and do everything good any other couple does, without that terrible state contract.

They can even draw up legal contracts, if they'd like, including cohabitation agreements (never do it without a lawyer, guys).

Dennis Prager also said he can't think of any reason to not marry someone you've been with for years. I know Dennis Prager is a better thinker than that. Here you go.

An open letter still awaits. I've been listening to Dennis Prager and reading his writings for years. I have yet to hear or see him fully address why the benefits unique to marriage outweigh the unwanted obligations and disliked limitations of that bad state contract.

Stay free, men!

A False Dichotomy

Dr. Laura asserts the following dichotomy to her callers and her audience:

• Marriage means, among other things, having a state contract, making vows, living together, sharing finances, sexual exclusivity in complete privacy. Otherwise, it isn't marriage.
  
  
• Those things aren't part of dating, especially long-term dating, or living together without a state license (shacking up). There are no obligations and there are no agreements, such as an agreement to sexual exclusivity.

According to her, romantic relationships are either marriage as she defines it, or, if two years or fewer old, are mutually agreed to be on the way to marriage, or they are aren't worthwhile and there are no rules.

She's allowed to say what she wants on her program. But she can't dictate this for anyone else. The dichotomy she presents does not describe reality.

There are married people who don't have a state license, never had a ceremony, keep separate finances, spend substantial periods of time apart, and/or aren't sexually exclusive. They use the terms "husband" and "wife," treat each other as spouses as far as doing things together and generally putting each other first and caring for each other, are recognized as spouses by the people around them, and might even be recognized as married by the state.

There are unmarried people who have been together for years, live together, share finances, and/or have agreed to sexual exclusivity. The people around them recognize that they are a couple and respect their agreements.

These things are happening every day. Millions of people do these things. This is going on, whether I like it or not and whether anyone else likes it or not. And for the record, I'm generally against, in most cases, agreeing to an ongoing exclusive relationship, living together, or marrying.

A state-licensed marriage isn't the only personal relationship with rules. Friendships usually have rules. So do most unmarried romances. Commitment is in behavior. The state license isn't a commitment to do anything other than have the spouse who earns more pay the other.

If she's going to deny a caller's reality, the reality they've been living, the caller should probably consider getting advice from another source.

Running Game - The Hot Sauce Trick

If you're running game, ideally you've had a vasectomy and it tests as still being effective. If that's not the case, you shouldn't be having intercourse without a condom, one that has only been in your possession, not hers. You might want to use a condom even if you have had a vasectomy, for STD prevention. NEVER rely on a woman saying she can't get pregnant or is using some form of contraception. Countless men who have relied on that are stuck with children they didn't want or child support payments, dealing with women who are nightmares.

Either way, used condoms go in the trash, not down the toilet, because that can cause plumbing problems. You need to carry a small bottle of Tabasco or habanero sauce with you when you do this.

Why?

Because adding a few drops of such sauce to a used condom you then place in the trash will let you know if she tries to retrieve the condom to use your sperm against your will. Yes, women have tried this, and yes, the hot sauce trick has worked.

It's Not Healthy to Sign Terrible Contracts

Delano Squires had a blog entry over at one of my "favorite" blogs. With a title like "Making Boys Into Men" you just know it's going to be ripe.

Editor’s Note: This week, the Family Studies blog is publishing a series of short essays addressing the meaning and purpose of healthy masculinity in today’s world.

By "healthy masculinity" they mean "Men doing what we like." In their case, that's marrying, having children, and being compliant followers to their leadership. Let's get to Squire's contribution.

American boys and men are in a state of crisis. The notion that masculinity and traditional gender roles are “toxic” forces of oppression is a common refrain in our cultural commentary and political discourse.

Yup.

The first lesson is that no man should feel ashamed of being male, because God created him that way.

Good.

I also believe that men function best in environments marked by order, so I will teach my sons that men who want to lead families need to be led by God’s word.

Married men don't lead families. They might be allowed to appear to lead.

A Common Red Flag When Considering Marriage

A tweet by Brad Wilcox:

New "research by Stanley & Rhoades [indicates...] men & women who cohabited w 2+ partners prior to marriage were 60% more likely to end up seeing their marriage end in divorce or separation"

Well, there you have it guys. Have you shacked up with at least two women, including your current girlfriend/fiancee? Has she? If either of you have, you have another reason to avoid marrying. Your marriage would be doomed!

Sure, the tweet and the report behind it are intended to try to get people who haven't shacked up yet not to do so. But we can still apply it to people who have, who should use the information to avert disaster. DO NOT MARRY!

Wilcox had a whole article about this.

Where Can You Find a Friend?

 
Where can you find a new friend, if you want and need one?

You want quality friends.

Family. I’m not talking about your parents, or, if you have them, your children. It’s great if they’re not terrible people and you’re friendly with them and can do things with them in addition to the requisite family obligations. But most true friends in your family will be more of a horizontal connection, like siblings and cousins. Maybe uncles or nephews. Some people will not find friends in family, and that’s OK. You being born into a situation doesn’t mean you’ll find friends there.

Acquaintances. These are not the same thing as friends, but they can become friends. You know each other on some level because someone or something introduced you to each other. Who are your good quality acquaintances?

Neighbors. Making neighbors your friends is great and practical. If you’re living in a rental or they're renting, you or your neighbors might not be there long. But if you both own, there’s probably more stability. It's better to have neighbors as friends than as enemies. Maybe you'll just be friendly. But if you find a friend or two in the neighborhood, that's great.

Classmates. Like family, classmates aren’t friends by default. If you can’t see being friends with them when you’re not required to sit in the same room or won’t be studying together, then it’s not going to work. But if you have things in common beyond your academic connection, a classmate can make a good friend.

Co-workers. This is risky. I generally advise keeping your employment life and your personal life as separated as possible, despite it being historically common to make friends at work. You don't want friendship interfering with business or your career advancement. If you’re leaving your employer and likely won’t be back, that might be the time to go ahead and make someone a friend. If you work for yourself, it’s a different matter. But don’t let “friends” take advantage of you for free work. If you trade work with each other, fine. But if it is one-sided on an ongoing basis, that’s not friendship. 

Church. Ideally, church (or your equivalent) will be a great place to make friends. Free men need to be careful, though. If you end up shifting so that most of your friends are from your specific church, that might be a sign you're in a cult. Be careful.

Hobbies, clubs, charities, activities, etc. Obviously, you’ll have a shared interest with the people you meet these ways. Just don’t expect that your interest and involvement will always align with theirs. Sometimes, people move on from these things, and that’s OK. Also, beware of the self-proclaimed enthusiast who seems to gripe more about your shared interest than enjoy it. Sometimes people should move on from something, but haven’t, and they’ll suck all of the enjoyment out of it.

Again, you might not need more friends. But if you do, some places to look for them are better than others.

Did I miss something? Left me know in the comments.

June is Coming

Wedding season, gentlemen. Maybe you’re scheduled to be the groom.

Maybe a man you care about is scheduled to be a groom.

Maybe a woman you’re "seeing" or "with" is expecting you to be her date for a wedding or weddings.

Obviously, the first situation is the most dire.

Running Game - Do Not Care

Running game isn't just about saving money, time, and effort. It is also about reducing "emotional labor," as the younger generations like to say.

Recently, a young man went to the front door of the house where his ex-girlfriend was. He ended up literally breaking in, and was immediately and fatally shot by the father of his ex. This was recorded on video.

Why was he so determined to gain access?

I don't know any the history of that relationship, nor do I know what personality or mental disorders he might have had, or his history of violence.

What I do know is that some people who have otherwise had stellar behavior have lost control of themselves when it comes to relationships, especially when there are arguments, disagreements, or breakups.

Why Romance Doesn’t Cure Dead Bedrooms

 

When a husband complains about a dead bedroom, chances are he will get advice telling him to be more romantic. Usually, he’s already doing that, or doing it in so far as his wife allows.

Sadly, it usually won’t cure a dead bedroom.

That’s because the reason she is rejecting or sexually starving him isn’t because of a lack of romance.

What does romancing a woman do?

• It signals his interest.
• It signals his willingness to back up his interest with effort and investment.
• It’s one of many ways to create a bond.

A husband has already done those things on an ongoing basis in extremely significant ways.

This isn’t to say a husband shouldn’t romance his wife. If she wants romance, he should romance her. Because spouses should do certain things for and with each other because the other spouse enjoys that.

A wife isn’t rejecting her husband because of his lack of interest, effort/investment, or bonding. If he didn’t have interest, she wouldn’t have the opportunity to reject him!

She’s rejecting him either because she already has a bond with him and figures she doesn’t need to please him anymore or she is trying to severe their bond. She is sabotaging their relationship. What she wants matters, what he wants doesn’t. She’s exerting control. Her motivations to have sex with him are outweighed, in her mind, by reasons to avoid sex with him, no matter how irrational her thinking. 

Some women deny this because they have a high drive. They insist the husband must be a terrible lover. But many women don’t have a high drive, at least not most of the time. There are husbands who are very romantic and great lovers and are still rejected so that they are having sex infrequently if at all. The average husband is more than willing to do what a wife tells or shows him she needs sexually. But she does have to tell him (sweetly/kindly) or show him.

This is not about women who have some condition or injury that has them in a lot of pain. Of course there are certain things they won’t be doing or won’t be doing often. This is referring to women who, for example, collect and store resentments and decide to punish their husband even if he’s a good man. Nobody’s perfect, and as that record of mistakes or wrongs gets longer and longer, his sex life suffers.

Sometimes, a husband and wife in a dead bedroom might have sex after romance. But generally, romancing a rejecting wife will not cure a dead bedroom. Nor will it that the husband takes on more of the chores.

It’s just one of many reasons more men are joining the marriage strike.

Is This How You Want to Live?

From a recent Dear Abby column, COVERING MY EYES IN TENNESSEE wrote:

I'm so disgusted. My wife has started walking around the house with no panties or bra, letting it all hang out, so to speak. Then she makes comments like, "Doesn't this look good?" I'm sickened by her behavior. I feel violated. How do I tell her to stop without hurting her sensitive feelings?

What a strange thing for a man married to a woman to write.

Why is he reacting this way?

Most men would LOVE this!

Is he gay???

Very, very strange.

Hmm.

What's going on here?

There Are Rare Circumstances in Which Using Daycare Is The Best Choice

People shouldn't have children unless they are prepared to raise them. Raising them means having them with a parent until they go to Kindergarten at age five or six, then having with a parent before and after school. School doesn't end at 6pm. Dumping a kid in daycare is almost always a result of choices.

A good daycare is, of course, better than being with an abusive parent, but even then, it would be better for the kid to be with grandparents or aunts and uncles.

Let's consider the other rare circumstances in which daycare is the best choice.

 

A) The other parent killed themselves, or abandoned the family (and there were no signs either of those was a likely possibility before making the children) and they're not paying enough support to allow the other parent to be with the kids; B) and there wasn't enough in funds or other assets and no way/time to work to avoid having to leave the children for work; C) and there's nobody else, like good, reliable grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc., to care for the child while the remaining parent is at work.

For 99 percent of the kids dumped in daycare, the circumstances weren't anything like that.

Unfortunately, there's no way to be certain the other parent is going to be around, present, and either able to care for the children well or provide enough income, for the duration of raising the children. People can try to set things up that way. They can try to choose wisely, treat kindly, and all of that, and have things like life insurance. They can try to only make children with someone who is already wealthy and set things up so the children will always be taken care of regardless of whether there is a death or the relationship ends. But most people aren't that wealthy, certainly not when they are 40 or younger, and there's no fail-safe way of ensuring things will work out. It's always somewhat of a gamble to have children, even for someone who tries to make the odds be in their favor as much as possible.

You can have a great life insurance policy on your income-earning spouse, and if they commit suicide you're SOL. Maybe there was no sign they'd do that when you had kids with them, but they suffered a trauma after you had the kids and eventually they did themselves in. Or maybe the trauma leads to them abandoning the family to live on the streets, jobless.

So, there can be circumstances in which daycare is unavoidable.

But "We want to live here, in this house, with these investments" or "I deserve my career" aren't those circumstances.

If you don't have children yet, think about these things very carefully.

Cause and Effect - Rejecting Your Man

Ladies, if you're married or in a relationship with a man in which you are expecting sexual exclusivity, it is important for you to know something in case you haven't picked up on it before or nobody else has told you yet.

If your man has a libido, and you sexually reject him, that rejection will usually have unpleasant consequences unless the rejection is very rare. What counts as "rejection?" It can range from repeatedly delaying or declining some form or all forms of sex to refusing to try things in which he's expressed interest. Rejection includes him not even bothering to ask/try because he has good reason to believe he'll be shot down. It also includes letting yourself go to the point he loses attraction, or picking fights or nagging to the point he wants nothing to do with you.

The consequences are likely to be one or more of the following, in no particular order:

1. He will be less motivated to do things for you. This ranges from chores you want done that he doesn't care much about to anniversary celebrations, vacations, and expensive gifts.
   
   
2. He will be less open with you about his feelings, desires, fantasies, and thoughts.
   
   
3. He will cut back on other forms of affection and intimacy. This might mean spending less time with you, less touch, fewer compliments, etc.
   
   
4. He will be irritable, grumpy, or snarky.
   
   
5. He will occupy himself or numb the pain with substances (food, alcohol, tobacco, cannabis, etc.) or more hobbies/more time on hobbies that don't involve you.
   
   
6. He will masturbate (more), and that masturbation will be likely to involve porn (visual and written), videos and images of exes or other people he knows, memories and fantasies of exes, fantasies of other people, etc.
   
   
7. He will get it elsewhere.
   
1. Ongoing affairs
2. Flings
3. Hookups/One night stands/Booty calls
4. Sex worker
5. Sexting/Video chat/chats/online forums/apps
    
8. He will leave.
   

He might not think "Because she won't do this, I'm going to do that." Maybe he will, maybe it will just be what happens without him actually thinking it through. I'm not saying these things are all right or justified. Nor am I saying you should do things you don't want to do. I'm not denying some men behave this way even if you're a great lover. I'm simply informing you of reality: men react in these ways to sexual rejection by a woman they expect to be their lover. Don't expect he'll warn you about these things ahead of time or tell you after the fact, even if you ask him directly. What's his incentive to tell you?

You might not care. You might have things the way you want them. But you're most likely delusional if you think there is no consequence you don't like when you reject him.
 
If you can't handle this, it might be a good idea not to ask for, or agree to, a supposedly exclusive relationship. Or, resolve to be a good, enthusiastic, available lover to him, because if you've picked a good man and you treat him right, he's not going to leave or go elsewhere, and he will do what he can to meet your needs and desires.

Fun With Statistics - Cohabitation

Cohabitation, or "shacking up," as Dr. Laura (and I) still call it, leads to marriage.

That goes against what Dr. Laura says. Shacking up is one of her main no-nos, in her countercultural preaching. She often rattles off a few statistics (which may or may not be current) to try to bolster her point.

And yet, if someone is a marriage seller, as she is, I can use statistics to point out that cohabitation leads to marriage:

1) Most people in our culture who marry lived together before they married.

2) Couples who don't live together are far less likely to marry each other.

There it is! CONCLUSIVE PROOF that living together leads to marriage!

Right?

Well, in fairness:

1) Many people live together but never marry each other.

2) "Couples who don't live together" includes all those people who are only couples for a few months and then break up; of course they didn't marry.

My overall point is that using statistics can be misleading, as I already pointed out in this post, "Thinking Critically About Cohabitation."

I've said it before and I'll say it again: I'm not advocating living together unmarried with a romantic or sexual partner. I generally think it is a terrible idea. But more and more people will not marry someone unless they live with them first. To me, that's all the more reason to avoid shacking up, as I discourage most men from marrying and encourage them to stay free. Despite what Dr. Laura says, when a guy has his girlfriend living with him, it reduces his freedom.

Too Few Friends?

 

Supposedly, people today have fewer actual friends; too few.

Friends can be good for many reasons. They can keep you in check, give you feedback, back you up, keep tabs on you, give you perspective, open your mind, enable experiences, connect you to job opportunities, and so much more. Some people will say a spouse can do those things, too. I switch that around. A friend can do many things a spouse might do, so you don’t need a spouse, and unlike a legal spouse, you can get rid them without paying if they become harmful.

If you need (more) friends, there are many ways to find some. But first, who is friend material to you?

A friend should be someone you’re not ashamed or embarrassed to be associated with or seen with. They mean well for you and you for them. Your relationship isn’t based on one of you trying to get something from the other, other than companionship, emotional support, and good times. They are someone you can trust to a reasonable extent. They aren’t a bad person as people go. They are someone you might want to share a meal with, exchange gifts with, share experiences with, confide in, do favors for. While charity can be something one provides for a friend, a chronic charity case is just that, not a friend. Friends aren’t projects.

If they’re someone who aggressively assaults or abuses, steals, causes trouble for less than noble reasons, is a drain on your energy or finances, is a junkie or drunk, or is friendly with you because they’re trying to convert you to their cult or MLM scheme, that’s not friend material.

They don’t need to be the same race, ethnicity, religion, or political affiliation as you.

Think about what you’re hoping to find in a friend. Is it someone you can play games with? Watch sports with? Hunt with? Listen to music with? Try new restaurants with? Look for women with? Ride motorcycles with? Restore classic cars with?

This is assuming you truly want new friends. Maybe you’re already happy with how things are and you don’t have time for new friends. But if you do have time or can make it, and you think it would be good, then you can make it happen.

Think about that, and in another post I’ll write about where to find friends.

Is Fake Bad?

"Marriage is real. Porn is fake."

That was tweeted out by a Twitter account that is constantly warning people about porn.

The way this is worded implies a person's choice is to either be married or watch porn. Or, if we're being really generous, that their can put their energy into their marriage or they can put it into porn. The most plain reading is that marriage is good because it is real, porn is bad because it is fake. It's a contrast between the two.

We could just as well say:

"Work is real. Action movies are fake."

Media is fake. Even much of "reality" television, even documentary movies, are "fake" in the sense that they can't give a full view of reality.

Here are some other things that are "fake":

Why Your Husband Isn't Pursuing You

...Or is outright rejecting you.

Dr. Laura recently [this entry has been bumped up from August 2017] had a call of the day that was about a married couple not having sex. The caller was the wife and she wanted to know what to do. Her show's Facebook page linked to it, and many very revealing comments were left there.

Jamie's husband works all day and when he comes home, he is too tired for sex. What can Jamie do to bring the spark back?

Let's look at some of the comments: