Where Can You Find a Friend?

 
Where can you find a new friend, if you want and need one?

You want quality friends.

Family. I’m not talking about your parents, or, if you have them, your children. It’s great if they’re not terrible people and you’re friendly with them and can do things with them in addition to the requisite family obligations. But most true friends in your family will be more of a horizontal connection, like siblings and cousins. Maybe uncles or nephews. Some people will not find friends in family, and that’s OK. You being born into a situation doesn’t mean you’ll find friends there.

Acquaintances. These are not the same thing as friends, but they can become friends. You know each other on some level because someone or something introduced you to each other. Who are your good quality acquaintances?

Neighbors. Making neighbors your friends is great and practical. If you’re living in a rental or they're renting, you or your neighbors might not be there long. But if you both own, there’s probably more stability. It's better to have neighbors as friends than as enemies. Maybe you'll just be friendly. But if you find a friend or two in the neighborhood, that's great.

Classmates. Like family, classmates aren’t friends by default. If you can’t see being friends with them when you’re not required to sit in the same room or won’t be studying together, then it’s not going to work. But if you have things in common beyond your academic connection, a classmate can make a good friend.

Co-workers. This is risky. I generally advise keeping your employment life and your personal life as separated as possible, despite it being historically common to make friends at work. You don't want friendship interfering with business or your career advancement. If you’re leaving your employer and likely won’t be back, that might be the time to go ahead and make someone a friend. If you work for yourself, it’s a different matter. But don’t let “friends” take advantage of you for free work. If you trade work with each other, fine. But if it is one-sided on an ongoing basis, that’s not friendship. 

Church. Ideally, church (or your equivalent) will be a great place to make friends. Free men need to be careful, though. If you end up shifting so that most of your friends are from your specific church, that might be a sign you're in a cult. Be careful.

Hobbies, clubs, charities, activities, etc. Obviously, you’ll have a shared interest with the people you meet these ways. Just don’t expect that your interest and involvement will always align with theirs. Sometimes, people move on from these things, and that’s OK. Also, beware of the self-proclaimed enthusiast who seems to gripe more about your shared interest than enjoy it. Sometimes people should move on from something, but haven’t, and they’ll suck all of the enjoyment out of it.

Again, you might not need more friends. But if you do, some places to look for them are better than others.

Did I miss something? Left me know in the comments.