How to Break Up

So you're a guy dating a woman and you want out of the relationship.

This is about a situation in which you don't have any serious entanglements other than social: you're not married or engaged, not living together, you have no kids together, she doesn't have minor children who have bonded with you, you don't own anything major together. You're boyfriend-girlfriend or some equivalent. When Running Game, you don't need to break up - you simply stop seeing her. Breaking up is for when you haven't been running game, at least when it comes to this woman, so you've allowed the situation to get to the point you're a couple. That's the situation you're in now.

The point of breaking up is for freedom and personal protection. Maybe you want to reclaim your freedom. Maybe you're being proactive in protecting yourself. Maybe she's trying to move the relationship towards financial transfers or entanglements, living together, marrying, or having children. Maybe you want to be a Free Man. Maybe she's done something for which you have zero tolerance, or she's reached strike three. Maybe she's withdrawn or denied affection.

PLEASE NOTE: If you haven't had a vasectomy, you might want to wait for her period to make sure she's not pregnant, then never give her access to your sperm again as you commence the breakup plan. "Oopsie" pregnancies seem to happen a lot when a relationship is on its way to ending, and some women use fake pregnancy tests or tests shared or sold by pregnant women to mess with a man. ALSO, you might want to safely retain any media or communications with and from her that would disprove any false allegations against you of assault/rape, harassment, or any other forms of abuse.

Which way or doing a break up is best?

A) Dump her cold turkey with either 1) an announcement or 2) going ghost?

B) Get her to dump you?

C) Break routines and get more distant?
For each one, you have to ask yourself what the benefits would be, what would the negatives be, and what the risks would be.

You might think you can go with Option C, and start to run game with her. The problem with trying to run game with her is that she knows you who are, where you live, where you work, etc. But you can adopt some aspects of running game, such as seeing her once per week or less, only seeing her for booty calls, etc. This might turn into Option B.

Option C is mostly a matter of 1) NOT keeping up any standing dates, like if you do something together every week at the same time on the same day of the week in the same place; 2) asking her out/along less and less frequently; 3) being busy when she proposes doing something or friends invite you, as a couple, to do something; 4) being less and less active with any joint involvements, including joint social media accounts.

There are people who insist that dating any other women if you've been seeing one woman regularly and nobody else for a while is cheating. I agree it is cheating - if you two have explicitly agreed to only see each other. If there hasn't been that clear, explicit agreement, either one of you is free to see others.

Option A1 is pushed as the only legitimate option by most professional relationships advisors. However, there can be good reasons to go ghost (A2) instead, including that some women commit crimes when they are dumped. (Some men, do, too, but this is addressed to men who date women.) It is nice to go ghost? No, but just like there is no obligation for a woman, including a wife, to have sex, there is no standing, general obligation to ever see or communicate again with a woman you were dating but hadn't proposed to. If she were to ghost you, I'd tell you the same thing: She has no obligation to tell you why or be in contact at all. It can be irritating, it can hurt, but you need to accept that and move on.

Keep in mind if you go with Option A1 that anything you say can and will be used against you. So it is likely best you keep things simple and definitive: "I don't want to date you anymore." You do not need to explain. If you want to be generous, point out her appeal and strengths, and end that with "We're just not a match." Also, you have the choice of doing Option A1 via phone call/video chat, written communication, or in-person either in private or in public. Doing it in-person, in private is the most risky way. Doing it where there will be cameras and witnesses is safer. If you had to drive her there or she drove you, the solution to that is using Uber/Lyft/a cab after you deliver the news to either get yourself home if she drove you, or to send her home if you drove her.

If you choose Option A2, you have to carry it out consistently. Pretend like you're in the Witness Protection Program. No contact at all. When a third party asks about what happened, if you have any suspicion they will report back to her, leave it as "I'm not going to talk about it."

Option B can look a lot like Option C, but it can also involve making a conscious decision to adopt, or revert to, behaviors you know she doesn't like. Rather than focusing on pleasing her, you shift back to doing what you want, when you want, how you want, with whom you want. When she expresses her displeasure, wants to argue, demands answers, or nags, don't submit to her or apologize. You don't need to explain yourself beyond "This is who I am" or "It's what I want to do." Repeat that if you need to. There's no reason to say any more. It becomes more interesting the longer she stays with you.

MOVING AWAY: If she is moving away, but she wants to keep things going, do not promise exclusivity or anything else. Don't follow her. Don't propose to her. If she wants to see you when travel brings you two to the same place at the same time, that's fine, but remember she'll be banging other people. This option is automatically invoking Option C, but you should probably go Option B. There really is no need to go with Option A. Do not cater to expectations of constant communication or telling her what you're doing. If she is moving away, and she doesn't want to keep things going, don't spend any more time or effort on her after she's gone. If she contacts you when she's back in town, evaluate the situation then.

If you're moving away, she might hint about wanting to keep things at the level they are or even getting more serious. Do NOT let her come along! You can't stop her from moving to wherever you move (unless you successfully keep it a secret) but do not let her move in with you. Moving away definitely helps if you want to go with Option A. If not, you're basically looking at Option C if not Option B.

Long distance relationships should never be considered exclusive unless they already were established as such for years and there is a date and definitive plan for getting back into the same location. You should never hold yourself back from living your life because you dated someone where you used to live, nor should you expect her to keep her life on hold.

AFTER BREAKING UP: If you haven't had a vasectomy, be extremely wary of offers from her of NSA sex. If you have had a vasectomy, it's still a risk to be alone with her due to potential violence on her part or false allegations against you. Even if she didn't seem angry when you broke up, she might have grown angry since, especially with her friends clucking into her ear.

DO NOT try to get back together out of familiarity or habit. Move on. Fill your time with dating others, hobbies, friends, family, work, working out.

Even if you think you're never going to get another woman, let alone one as good as you think she is, breaking up is for the best. And you're going to get more women, even better women, if you want to.

THINGS TO REMEMBER:

• If she claims you "took her virginity" you're still not obligated to stay with her.
• You are NOT obligated to make her dreams come true.
• If she has threatened to harm herself or you otherwise have reason to believe she might do so, consider scheduling a session with a licensed therapist, bringing her along under the guise of you wanting to be a better boyfriend to her, and then explain in the session why you really brought her there, and leave.
  

FINALLY: Don't get yourself into this situation again unless you truly, sincerely, honestly just want a steady girlfriend, and only one. Most guys should stay free.

Exiting a Relationship With a Single Mother or Childless Shackup