Off Goes Mommy

Another one bites the dust. SHAKEN IN VIRGINIA wrote in to Dear Abby:

I'm a 16-year-old girl whose parents have been married for almost 19 years. Mom started school two years ago to become a nurse.

Depending on the father’s schedule, this can be a good thing or a bad thing. Yes, 14, 15, 16-year-olds can dress themselves, cook for themselves, and get around. But they still need supervision, guidance, and protection.

She has always been an independent woman, but since she went back to school and is making her own money, she feels the need to be more free.

Unless there is a legally enforceable prenup provision saying otherwise, that money is not hers. It is community property, and belongs to the family.

Mom works eight to 12 hours a day. She leaves early and comes home late. She never stays for dinner when she's home, nor does she do anything with us as a family anymore. She used to work in the same study as my dad, but she moved upstairs. She also won't sleep in the same bed as Dad.

Sounds like she has given up on the marriage, and the family.

Mom is seeing a marriage counselor, and she wants a divorce and to move away.

Uh, yeah.

She says nothing is broken in the marriage and there's nothing to fix -- but why does she want to leave?

Either she doesn't want to tell you why she hates your father and is sick of being a mother, or she doesn't want to admit that she's got problems of her own and is throwing away a good thing. People don't leave "unbroken" marriages and their own children unless they are making big mistakes.

She promises she won't see less of us, but she will be more than a half-hour away.

Yeah, a lot of people say they won't see any less of their kids, but the reality of divorce is almost always different.

She works nonstop and is constantly going out with her friends.

Where did your dad find this woman? Do you have a nineteen year-old sibling you didn't mention?

Is there any way I can stop her from going?

Chains. But that would be illegal.

Am I selfish for wanting her to stay?

Not in a bad way. As her minor child, she is obligated to you.

Dear Abby generally said the same thing, but also said:

While you can't stop your mother from leaving, you can ask her if you can join her during a couple of her therapy sessions so you can air your feelings in a safe environment and get some of the answers you're looking for.

What answers could possibly help? As for going to the counselor - either her mother will feel guilty, and still leave, or she won't feel guilty, and will still leave. The girl can go to her own counselor. Whatever this counselor is doing is not working.

Geez, people – mother or fathers – at least wait until your children are all grown. You created that home. You chose your partner. Your child didn't consent to the situation.

There's not a word in the printed letter about how this girl's father treats her. Hopefully, he's a good guy whose biggest flaw was picking the wrong woman.