Cubs Check In

Dear Abby printed her follow up on "cougars" – responses from men in what they see in older women. Some of the situations stretch the prevailing concept of "cougar/cub", but it's all woman-older-than-the-man. Here's my entry discussing the previous column on cougars.

SAN DIEGO READER wrote:

Abby, cougars are nothing new. They're simply out of the closet.

That may be true, but I think there are more of them now.

WILLIAM IN MARYLAND wrote:

Older women are more established and more interested in fostering personal relationships.

That’s true in some cases. In other cases, the guy isn't looking for a relationship. He's looking for some fun with someone who either can't get pregnant or knows how to prevent pregnancy – someone with experience who won't ask, "Where is this relationship going?" like a woman his own age might.

STILL GRIEVING IN KILLEEN, TEXAS wrote:

On my 25th birthday, I met a woman who was 10 years older than me. We were both just looking for someone to have fun with. Six months later we were married. We were still together 45 years later when she passed away. I wouldn't trade our years together for anything because we were friends and able to talk about anything to each other.

How sweet, and very beautiful.

If you find someone you are comfortable with, don't let the calendar get in your way.

That's where I disagree. Comfort is a necessity. But it is just one. Age matters, especially if someone wants to have children. For example, these women getting pregnant by geezers are most likely setting things up in a way that will deprive the children of their father.

JOHN IN GRAND MARAIS, MINN. wrote:

"'Cougar' in New York" answered her own question when she said, "I am a caring, fun person who loves music and dancing." Women like her are attractive at any age.

Yes. Well, I'm not really sure how many straight American males really like recreational dancing for the sake of dancing. Guys tend to use dancing as an excuse to rub up against women they don't know, or go along with dancing to please a woman they are already with. Now, if she likes to dance for her man in private, that's another story entirely.

It's the lack of older men who can keep up with them that makes "cougars" available to younger guys!

It's not so much that the older men can't keep up with them. The older men are working or are with younger women or are doing other things - things they want to do. They don't want to dance.

With very few exceptions, no, an older woman is not as hot as a woman who is a fit 18-25 years old and hasn't had kids. Men are visual creatures who need to be turned on to function, and like just about all males in the animal kingdom, men are expected to do the pursuing. So female physical beauty matters more than male in the dating game. That's nature. Wrinkles, fat, sag, scars, stretch marks, spots, and other skin problems take their toll and make a difference. HOWEVER, older women can be more attractive overall because of their experience, personality, social skills, understanding of men, kitchen skills, bedroom skills, knowing what they want, and independence. And when it comes to an established marriage, a wife who keeps herself somewhat in shape and presentable and treats her man right is going to be much more attractive to him than some young flirty tart with all the right curves.

It's a free country. Unmarried adults are free to date other unmarried adults, whatever their age differences – and others people should not harass them or disparage them doing so based solely on the age difference. Now, if one of them has minor children, I would discourage dating anyone of any age. But that's another blog entry. If my mother or sister started dating a younger guy, it wouldn't bother me.