Phone Calls and Dining Out

A couple of recent Dear Abby situations caught my eye.

Okay, this guy never explicitly says what he's looking for, but from what he did write, it sounds like he is looking for a relationship. That makes a difference.

HURT IN VERMONT wrote in to talk about a date:

One night I was at her place when she received a phone call. Trish made it short and sweet and hung up. A few minutes later, I asked who it was, and she told me it was her boss.

Unless you are paying the phone bill, it really isn't your business who calls her. Keep in mind, though, that if you were on a date with her, she shouldn't be taking any calls, especially if you are paying for the date. But you are in her home, and it is her phone.

Abby, I know how she answers the phone when it's her boss -- and it wasn't him. When I said, "That was NOT your boss," she admitted it was one of her boss's clients, but said nothing was going on between them.

When I first met Trish, she mentioned that a client had come in one day, had wine and cheese, then leaned over and kissed her. It's the same guy that called -- and he's married.

Her mistake was not telling you from the start that it is none of your business. By the way, that works the other way, too. If she asked you who you were talking with on the phone, it would be perfectly okay to tell her that it is none of her business. Can't handle that? Don't let the door hit you on the way out.

I don't think she has cheated, but she lied to my face.

She didn't handle the situation right and she is flirting with a married man. Is that relationship material to you?

My first instinct is to dump her, but I love her.

So what if you love her? You're paranoid and she is a liar who flirts with a married man. I can't believe this is in his 40s and writing like this to Dear Abby. What's wrong with him? I would be shocked if he was raised with a father in his home and a faithful mother.

Dear Abby responded:

Are you and Trish in a committed relationship? If not, you had no right to question her about who was calling.

Even then... as long as it is her phone, paid for by her, he should not question it. If he can't trust her, they shouldn't be together.

That said, a person who would lie to you once would lie to you twice.

Yes.

She may not be having a physical affair, but something is going on or she wouldn't have tried to mislead you about who was on the phone.

Maybe he freaks out over nothing and she didn't want to deal with that? If so, she should dump him.

SOLO IN SHERMAN, TEXAS wrote:

Is it proper for a married woman to go out to eat alone when her husband refuses to take her?

Why does he refuse to take her? Is he a hermit? Is he embarrassed to be around her? Is he hoping she'll cook, instead, or is he willing to cook? Is money tight? We don't know.

Absolutely, if she can afford to pay for it and there is enough pet food in the doghouse.

[Emphasis mine.] Wow, did I find an example in Dear Abby where the woman was given the same response a man would have been given? Good!