Letter to Dear Abby Is Another Example of Why Not to Marry

Many women put in their dating profiles that they've "had their fun." Now they're ready for some sucker to who will be "dependable" and won't get the excitement her past lovers did. Consider what "CORNERED IN LOUISIANA" wrote to Dear Abby.

I am a 44-year-old woman who has been married for three years. We all have a past. Unfortunately, I made mistakes in mine that I foolishly mentioned to my husband when he asked.

I'd be interested in know how and when he asked.

I had a threesome in my early 20s, which I didn't think was a big deal because I was young and experimenting with my sexuality.

But it was a "mistake"?

He's now insisting on my having one with him.

Well, yeah. Nowhere is religion or morality mentioned in this letter. Threesomes are an extremely common fantasy for men, and this is widely known. Absent a shared religion or moral code that prohibits it, OF COURSE he wants a threesome.

He thinks I cheated on him because when we met nine years ago, I was still friends with the people involved.

Did he REALLY say it that way? If so that's ridiculous, but really... would you be OK if he was still friends with people he'd had sex with but he didn't tell you? And note guys, please note that when a woman say's "He's just a friend" it could mean that she's had sex with him.

Now, what he might mean is that he feels cheated because you were willing to do things (that he wants) with others that you won't do with him, the guy who signed on the dotted line and "layed down his life" for you, as Dr. Laura puts it.

I love him, but I feel like he wants to have his cake and eat it too. What should I do?

What does that even mean? Did you not enjoy the threesome? If you handled it right, it wouldn't be just about him. You'd enjoy it, too.

What should you do? Don't do anything you don't want to do. And he shouldn't do anything he doesn't want to do.

Right?

If you don't think you'd enjoy a threesome or that it would be likely to be a negative experience overall instead of positive one, can you explain why?

He's not going to forget this. What he's going to remember is that you were willing to do things with other people you're not willing to do with him. He hears "I'm not into you as much as I was to them."

Imagine if he told you that, in the past, he bought really nice jewelry or took a woman on a really nice vacation, as gifts, but he won't do that with you.

Guys: What have we learned? Don't marry. Date women in their twenties. You want to be one of the "mistakes" they make. You want them when they're curious, adventurous, experimenting, and enthusiastic.

Women: What have you learned? Especially if you're attractive and lucky enough to find a man willing to marry you at age 41, never tell a guy you're with about having done something sexual he's likely to think would be fun if you're unwilling to do with him - unless you're trying to sabotage the relationship.

Dear Abby replied:

If you're against the idea, you should refuse.

As I said above. Neither should do anything they don't want to do. Don't be surprised if he stops driving you to your mother's or making a big deal about February 14.