Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Give Your Breath Away

Dr. Laura linked to this article, "5 Reasons to Make Some Noise in the Bedroom", in her daily list of recommended articles. I wonder if she noticed or cared that the author is an "open marriage" advocate, or if she figures "all truth is God’s truth" and questionable sources can still provide worthwhile reading? The author says what I've referred to as "aural sex" can be a matter of health.

Breathing deeply can increase pleasure. It can also keep the fun from ending too soon. Use your breath to regulate the speed of what’s going on. Speed it up to help get you in the mood, and slow it down to prolong the activities.
It's good to use everything we can, right?

It means your partner knows that you are enjoying it.
YES! That’s very important for me to know, anyway.

It keeps you in the moment. If you spend all of your time in bed thinking about keeping quiet so you don't sound "weird,” you’ll miss all of the fun. But, if instead of worrying about how noisy you are, you simply let the sounds fall where, when, and how they may, you can stay present and enjoy all of the presents your partner is gifting you.
We know from other areas of life that thinking about breathing and being deliberate about breathing can impact our physical and mental state.

It shows intimacy. If you can tell your partner what you want in bed, it means you feel close enough to him or her to be comfortable doing that.
I need to work on that. See below.

It means you’re comfortable with your sexuality. Letting it all out is only possible when you feel good about yourself and what you're doing, which is how everyone should feel when it comes to sex.
Here's where I get personal...

My primary love language is physical touch, so it really sucks that my wife and I do not cuddle when we sleep. I cuddled with the women I literally slept with in my wayward youth, but my wife and I rarely go to sleep at the same time, and rarely wake up at the same time, by a matter of hours, so initiating and ending cuddling would likely mean waking someone up. However… my very close secondary love language is words of affirmation. In most aspects of our life, my wife has many words of affirmation for me. She let's me know she appreciates the little things I do and the big things I do. She tells me she loves the sound of my voice. But when it comes to my physical appearance and lovemaking, it is pretty much limited to her telling me I'm "handsome" and the occasional matter-of-fact "I need you" when I'm not there, and sometimes in bed she'll say a bland "I need you inside me" (which is certainly better than nothing) or "make love to me" - both of which mean the same thing: "Stop enjoying your favorite place in the world and forget about doing anything else other than intercourse and ejaculating inside me."

I was recently struck with the thought that one of the things I don't get from her that I got from other women back during that wayward youth if mine is flirty, sexy, or passionate comments (whether on the phone, in the throes of lovemaking, or any time) like "I enjoy it so much when you…", "I need you", "I can't wait to get my hands on you", "I'm so horny for you right now" or any number of things that are, make no mistake, words of affirmation.

Oh sure, before we were married and we were holding the line, we both breathlessly talked about how we wished it was our wedding day. That now seems like a lifetime ago.

I need to work on some things.


1 comment:

  1. Curiepoint6:48 AM

    This article is basically telling people to fake their pleasure by making noise. I imagine that it does bring something to the sexual dynamics by grunting and yelling if its genuine, but whenever I have heard it, it all just sounds fake and histrionic. This in turn would immediately make me think that I am doing the opposite of pleasing her because she has to mask her reactions with all this flourishy drama.

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