Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Mom and Dad on a Date Night

My wife and I haven't been getting regular date nights. The last date night we had was months ago. She mentioned that we should go on one. I agree.

Here are the ways we've previously had date nights:

1. Dropping off the kids with my wife's sister and brother-in-law for a few hours.

This is temporarily becoming less of an option, and is going to get worse before it gets better. Maybe it will be a good possibilty again later this year.

2. We go to vist my family and they watch the kids.

When traffic is good, we live about 45-60 minutes from my family... Because my wife insisted on living close to her family.... Most of whom we can't have babysitting the kids.

And what will we talk about on date nights?

Well, have you ever noticed that some people with minor children only seem to talk about their children?

Do you know why?

Because that is all they are doing with their life... raising the children.

I'm either going to be talking about work, the kids, or something on talk radio. My wife is either going to be talking about the kids, couponing, or some way she is accumulating points to covert into gift cards or free stuff we need.

There's nothing new to talk with each other about. We see each other every day. We're not off on adventures apart from each other that we need to fill each other in on.

When we were dating, we were getting to know each other and plan things, so there was that to talk about. And we could talk about the adventures we were having together.

We know each other now, and we're not going on any adventures.

Oh, sure, there are thoughts and interests I don't talk about with my wife. I'm not going to start, either, because it would only cause trouble. I'm not just talking about sexual stuff, but Dennis Prager, who does a weekly apolitical "Male/Female Hour" on this radio show that he calls "the most honest discussion" on terrestrial radio about male-female issues. One recent hour was "Husbands: Do you hide part of your sexual nature from your wife?" Prager urges husbands to be honest and open about their sexual nature, and for wives to accept normal male sexuality, even if they don't fully understand it. This brings true intimacy.

Prager tells the story of how he and a male friend used to exercise together, and how they'd watch the women and point them out to each other and make comments to each other. Prager mentioned something about watching the women at the venue to this man's wife, and she replied, in all seriousness, as though it was just Prager doing that because she "knew" her husband didn't look at other women. Prager said he still has an indentation on his shin where his buddy kicked him under the table as a sign not to correct his wife. According to Dennis, after that, he vowed to himself not to marry a woman with whom he couldn't be honest about his sexual nature.

Sure, ther are some wives - some of them called in during that hour - who will be OK and will even figure out which other women in view will catch their husband's eyes and calmly share the moment with him. "Wow, look at her. She has the kind of hairstyle you like, too." They aren't bothered because they know it is natural on his part and that it doesn't mean he loves or desires her (his wife) any less.

From what I can tell, the women who are prepared to handle something like that are definitely in the minority. Most women aren't prepared to have a husband who is honest about his natural tendency to look at women with this figure or that figure, that kind of walk or this kind of walk, this kind of clothing or that kind of clothing, nor many of his fantasies about what he wants to do with his wife.

If a husband is truly honest and open, the odds are against it paying off.

It might pay off, and he and his wife will be closer as a result and have more fun together as a result.

It is more likely to upset his wife, and perhaps it may do so in a way that will always be there... if even just under the surface, ready to boil over, and sometimes doing just that. It could be more ammunition in fights, and may even be the last straw, setting the man on the course to be shamed before friends and family and the religious congregation, divorced, and visiting his children.

My wife and her sisters are the jealous, territorial type, no doubt because of their father's philandering and their mother's reaction.

So... we'll need to have a date night soon... somehow. And I'd better make a list of subjects to file away in my head so that I don't get accused of withdrawing.


  1. Anonymous11:59 AM

    If you ahve a neighbour with kids that yours activelt play with and get along with, try and see if you can work out a swap of some kind.

    My wife and I live in a great neighbourhood and we've done this a few times. No babysitters close, all the kids on the block are under 10, so parents are all looking for that short break. Tit for tat works remarkably well, and you should already have a good grasp of which of your kids friends parents are compatible with your own, how shall I say, risk assesment of your childrens activities? :)

    Maybe pick a date where casual conversation is difficult? Skydiving maybe? ;)

  2. Anonymous, we'll probably have to rely more on friends. Our immediate neighborhood isn't the best for this. Oh, and skydiving it out, since I don't like heights, Movies are good.


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