Five Traits

Cosmo dating blogger Mina Azodi recently had this entry, Dating 101: Five Traits a Guy Should Have Before You Get Serious. (I found it via Yahoo, in case you were wondering.) Consider the source.

Dating Trait #1: He Knows What He Wants - Any guy you're serious about should be able to articulate his long-term goals and passions (sorry, fantasy football and Xbox don't count).

Yes. He must have goals and plans – like how he will continue to make a living, where and how he wants to live, whether or not he wants to be a father and to how many children, etc. You must know what they are, and they must be compatible with yours.

Don't assume he'll work things out, because when he does, you may realize his ambitions don't mesh with yours.

Read that repeatedly.

Dating Trait #2: He Has a Sunny Outlook

Who wants to be married to a depressed or pessimistic person? I know plenty of people do marry that way, but is it really a good idea for them to do so?

Dating Trait #3: He's Open to Changing for You - It's true you may not be able to change a man, but a guy should want to change for you.

Woah, woah, woah. Yes, people are supposed to grow. Yes, we're all imperfect and there is always room for improvement. But a guy who changes "for you" is likely to go back to doing whatever it is he supposedly changed (but was maybe just hiding). Instead, look for guys who can admit their faults and wrongs and want to work on them to be a better person, not to please some other flawed person.

If a facet of his behavior irks you (for example, maybe he's not attentive enough in certain circumstances), he should be game to hear you out, listen to how you'd like him to do things differently, and then act on those suggestions.

Maybe he isn't right for you. And if you're expecting him to do this, then you'd better be prepared to do the same... which will likely involve bedroom matters.

More important, a man needs to have the capacity to transform and grow with you -- e.g., he takes an interest in going to art galleries with you, even if he's more of a couch-and-ESPN kind of guy.

And what about vice-versa? You know, spouses can have their own interests. What's wrong with him watching ESPN while she is at the art gallery?

Dating Trait #4: He's Still a Little Mysterious - The beginning of a relationship is always exciting because you're just getting to know each other. But even after the newness wears off, it's essential that a man keeps you guessing. "If you can never quite pin down what makes him tick, that's actually a healthy thing," says Kirschner. Although at first you might feel more bonded to a guy who shares tons of personal info with you, over time, you risk losing the intrigue that pulled you to him initially.

Okay, he shouldn't tell you things you shouldn't or don't need to know, like personal things about other people, or talk endlessly about every thought he ever has or every little thing that happened to him that day. But keeping secrets from your spouse is a really bad idea. You're supposed to have intimacy. It's okay for a guy to be secretive about, say, where he finds your gifts, or his plans to pleasantly surprise you, or how much he admires another woman's body. Fine. But otherwise, trouble brews. If you want mystery... stick to casual dating.

Dating Trait #5: He's Responsible with Money - Besides giving you a heads-up about money-related conflicts you might encounter in the future (one of the topics long-term couples argue about most), how a guy handles cash reveals a lot about his character.

Definitely. And guys who are responsible with money should continue that by only marrying women who have been responsible with money.

But you also don't want to be with a tightwad. If a dude doesn't splurge now and then, it may mean he'll be stingy in other ways, such as compromising during a fight.

Hmmm. The more compromise needed, the more likely you're not a match to begin with. Splurging occasionally is good – especially if it is on the both of you together. If he's just trying to buy you off with pricey things, then watch out.

What about five traits she should have before a guy gets serious with her, if that's what he wants to do?

1. She's Attractive. This will mean different things to different guys. But she should be attractive to you – in her physical appearance, her personality, how she behaves, and her worldview. If you don't want to be around her, if you don't miss her when she's not around, if she doesn't turn you on, then it is going to be very difficult for your relationship to last.

2. She's Responsible With Money. Marriage is essentially forming a corporation, as far as the state is concerned.

3. She Has Plans, Major Life Goals, and a Lifestyle Compatible With Yours.

4. She Is Reasonably Secure. Insecure women do not make good wives.

5. She's the Best You Can Do. If you think you can do better, you may be right or you may be wrong. If you're right, you are selling yourself short by committing to her and you will be stunting yourself and resentful. If you are wrong, then you think too much of yourself and/or too little of her, and she deserves someone who will appreciate her more than you.