1. Trash-talking your ex.Especially if you fornicated with him. You know what that says to the new guy? “I have sex with jerks, and I don’t stalk them afterwards.” That encourages the wrong kind of guy, if you are looking for a relationship.
Your ex is somebody you dated, invited into your life, and with whom you spent a lot of time.So there must have been something about him that attracted you.
So don't talk negatively about your ex in any way, because what a guy thinks when you do this is that if he ever becomes your ex that you're going to trash-talk him the same way.
Yes, but I do want to disagree a little. It is okay to, once or twice, mention what you didn’t like about your ex. It helps explain why you’re not still with that person. If a guy is looking for a relationship and he knows he has those same qualities, maybe he will break it off and stop wasting your time. Or, it can be reassuring to know that you recognized those negatives and didn’t put up with them, and you are now with a guy who doesn’t have that negatives.
2. Paranoia Runs Rampant.He’s definitely right about this one. Read the whole thing. Live it. I can vouch from experience that it is no fun at all being with someone who is paranoid. Why do you care so much? If a guy is going to do things he shouldn’t, being paranoid is not going to stop him. If you can’t trust him, don’t be in a relationship with him.
3. Trash-talking other women.He gets that one right, too. And often, women who do this point out things men don’t really care about. "Look at that! That color is all wrong for her." We don't care.
4. Fishing for compliments.
Yes, knock that off.
5. Clingy and possessive. You don't need to do everything together.
Yes, yes, yes. See #2.
6. Pushing friends on him.Definitely. He knows what you're up to. You are getting your friends to judge him or using him to try to impress your friends or make someone jealous. Be patient.
We don't want to be "the boyfriend" right away.
Or sometimes, not at all. Some guys just want the sex or company. The only reason a man should be the boyfriend is if he wants to get married now and is ready to get married now (25 or older, established, has achieved his dream, is saving for the future).
The writer presents these as rules for the first month or two, but they should be observed for the rest of the relationship.
Other ways to scare men away early on: wedding magazines on your coffee table; dragging him into a jewelry shop; saying “I told my family all about you!”; always ordering the most expensive thing on the menu (even if you pay); talking about how L. Ron Hubbard changed your life; starting every sentence with “Oprah says…”; showing him your tattoo of Sarah Jessica Parker; kissing your dog on the lips…
LOL...women can be so emberrassing...I weep for my sex sometimes...although these rules can apply to guys as well. #5 is especially creepy in a guy.
ReplyDeleteYeah, there were times in my bachelor past when I was clingy. My first serious girlfriend was all wrong for me and since she was my first serious girlfriend, I was clingy and possessive. Of course, she gave me reason to be.
ReplyDeleteI didn't yet have the confidence or esteem to realize that I didn't NEED to be in a relationship at all, or that not all women were like her.
Subsequently, I had a girlfriend who was clingy and possessive as a side effect of what I later found out to be mental illness. That was no fun. I decided after that not to "force" relationship... I realized that not all people are right for each other.
Subsequently to THAT, I was dating a girl (non exclusively) that told me I was being clingy. I backed off somewhat. Later, she fell in love with me and I fell in love with her, and we trusted each other completely. But I fell into being clingy again when we "broke up" - only she'd still invite me over (bad, bad, bad). It took a while for her to start seeing other people and I tried to find out all about it from her.
Once that was all over, I was finally DONE with being clingy, because I purposely never got into another exclusive relationship until I found the woman who really could end up being my wife... and she did become my wife. That was a good time - not being clingy. I didn't care if a woman I had dated turned around and dated an entire NBA team. I didn't have to see her ever again if I didn't want to.
It worked, too. When one woman I dated for about six weeks told me she had seen her ex longtime boyfriend (who everyone - including her - knew was wrong for her) earlier in the week, the implication being that she was going to keep seeing him, it didn't hurt in the slightest. It was more like "Well, okay. Be careful and I wish you well. See you around."
Being clingy comes from insecurity and immaturity. Pure and simple.