CONFUSED AND TORN IN ILLINOIS writes:
I have been in a relationship with "Wade" for six years.Translation: I have been fornicating with Wade for six years, hoping he has been fornicating only with me, even though we’re not married.
He has gotten into trouble and can't be around children because he's a registered sex offender.Hmmm. There are some details missing here. A sex offender could be someone who got caught going to a prostitute. Do you mean he is a child molester? Either way, as a man, it sure is nice to know that no matter what I do, I can still find a woman who will fornicate with me.
Okay, this is where it starts to get really good.
I have an 11-month-old daughter by him.Genius! Make a baby with a registered sex offender who “can’t be around children”. Make a baby with someone who is not married to you. I’m surprised she is able to write.
I want to be with Wade and work our relationship out,Translation: I have extremely low self-esteem, I don’t use the brain God gave me, and Wade gives me orgasms and/or makes more money than I do.
but if I do, I'll have to give custody of my daughter to my parents and live in my own place with him.Gee, that’s a tough one. Abandon my daughter, or dump the sex offender who hasn’t bothered to marry me. Hmmmm. Oh, how to choose?!?
But wait – there’s more!
I'm in love with Wade, but I don't know if he loves or wants to be with me anymore despite the fact he keeps saying he wants to be with me.The dude will say whatever he has to in order to keep your legs open, Einstein. Just like he probably says “I’ve lost my puppy… please help me find him” to little girls or boys he sees on the street.
Am I being silly for still wanting to be with him?
Silly? SILLY?!? No, no, no… there are much more appropriate words.
Dear Abby replies:
After six years with Wade, you are still single. You could be single forever.That’s the first concern?!?
When you became a mother, life stopped being all about you.Now that is very, very true.
What if you should become pregnant again? Is it fair to your parents to dump your daughter on them like an unwanted pet?Still nothing about the danger Wade poses. At least she says...
What effect could it eventually have on the child?To be raised by the grandparents? Hard to say – they are the same people who raised this woman who apparently has no maternal instinct whatsoever.
Do you fully understand that what you have in mind will isolate you from relatives and friends who have minor children?What about how it could put those children in danger?
While I can't dictate what you should do with your life, I can say you're heading in the wrong direction. Please step back and rethink this.She wrote in asking for your advice. Of course you can make suggestions. Geez. Have people really become so worried about being “judgmental” that they won’t even suggest that someone should choose their own child over a “registered sex offender” who “can’t be around children” because it is the right thing to do?
Later on in the same edition, THE SILENT PARTNER writes in:
I have been married for 12 years to the most self-centered man in the world.
Unless he kidnapped you and forced you to marry him at gunpoint, my guess is that he is still the same guy who turned you on enough to marry him 12 years ago. Back then, you told yourself he was “confident” and “interesting”. You probably didn't give nice guys the time of day.
He's an astute businessman and a good provider,You see, she is unaware that women can provide for themselves, or that other kinds of men can be good providers, so she felt the need to marry a self-centered man.
The moment I start talking about things I think are important, he turns on his TV or shushes me.Maybe you keep complaining about the same things – things he can’t do anything about and things you choose not to do anything about, or simply complaining about him.
How can I get him to stop ignoring me?Get in shape, strip naked, and jump his bones. He will not ignore you unless he is gay, ill, or getting it on the side.
Notice Dear Abby’s response:
If after 12 years your husband still won't listen to you, have your lawyer talk to him.She has no problem telling a woman who is hurt by her husband of 12 years’ self-centerdness to threaten divorce through an attorney, but can’t bring herself to tell a mother to protect her daughter from a man who may be a child molester. Through the looking glass, indeed.
My best friend from high school married her boyfriend right out of high school. After 2-3 years, they separated and she got knocked up with another guy's kid before the divorce was final. she married her baby's daddy, but separated after 6 years. He knocked up some other girl and divorced my friend. Now my friend is trying to get knocked up by a new boyfriend with a prison record. I had suggested after marriage 2 failed, that maybe she should just move her mother in and forget about men. How absurd, I know. Latter I asked if she planned on marrying this guy, she got mad and hasn't spoken to me since.
ReplyDeleteYeah, there are all kinds of stupid women out there ready to warm the bed of any man, no matter what he does.
Tell me, why aren't IUD's mandatory for single women???
I do understand why we don't get involved in a person's reproductive system - individual rights and all of that. But peer pressure can often work wonders. And one of the few examples where I am wholeheartedly in support of government intervention in the family is when a child is being neglected or abused. We may have a right to make them, but we don't have a right to infringe on THEIR rights.
ReplyDeleteThe woman you described reminds of men who fornicate with women they know are incapable of raising children or who constantly make seriously bad decisions. Often, these men have no reason to believe that this women are using any form of contraception whatsoever. When I was in a position to give advice to other (usually younger) guys, I'd tell them that if they weren't going to keep it in their pants until they married a great woman, they should at least wear a condom and be somewhat choosy. But most guys don't really care... they just want sex... and so many woman just want companionship... even bad companionship.
It wouldn't be *so* bad, as long as it didn't screw up life for children. But it does. Which makes it really bad.