Another Day, Another Silly Scold

In what is probably easy-cheap hits bait (check the number of comments on his Twitter post and his column), or a kiss-up to his wife or old biddy followers, Matt Walsh is again dealing with the pressing issues of the day by bemoaning that some people (mostly men) like to see depictions of people in revealing or no clothing and people having sex by arguing for a "ban" on "porn" at The Daily Wire.

If you had asked the average person 50 years ago whether it should be legal to distribute grotesque, hardcore pornography through a medium where people of all ages, especially kids and young teens, might have easy and free access to it, he probably would have been shocked that you even needed to ask the question.

Straight out of the gate, Walsh goes to the extremes. What does this have to do with a video featuring, for example, one man and one woman having sex being watched by a middle-aged man? And is Walsh unaware that "stag films" were a thing?

Florida Lawmakers Buy Into Pixels Panic

Dealing with the pressing problems of the state, lawmakers in Florida House of Representatives made fools of themselves. Amanda Prestigiacomo reported on it at The Daily Wire:

On Tuesday, Florida lawmakers in the House of Representatives declared pornography a public health crisis.

We've been over this. It isn't a public health crisis.

The approved resolution states that "there needs to be more education, research and policy changes to protect Florida residents from porn," reports the Associated Press.

More "research". Yeah. How many of those lawmakers are already "researching"?

Stop Adding Chaos To Your Child's Life

I've listed many reasons why most people should avoid having children, getting married, or even being in a relationship at all.

I know full well most people will still do these things.

If someone doesn't want children, they should ensure they won't. Men who don't want children should get vasectomies and women should get tubal ligation or have their ovaries and/or uterus removed, whatever is best for them given their health considerations.

But if someone is going to have children, they have a moral obligation to set up the best situation they can to raise those children, who have no choice in the matter except to go along with what their parents set up.

That means:

1) Finding a suitable person of the opposite sex. [1]
2) Marrying them. [2]
3) Treating that person well. [3]
4) Building a stable, suitable life for raising children. [4]
5) Then having children.

Unfortunately, there are plenty of people who do #5 before (or without ever doing) the others, even before #1. And there are also people who, because they didn't really do #1 or #3, they end up divorced or widowed or separated (physically even if not legally). So there are many children now living in what we call a broken home, meaning mom and dad are not living together, raising their child together.

Dr. Laura (and maybe others?) insists that parents of minor children should not remarry until their youngest child is grown and certainly not make more babies. She goes further and says that the existing minor children should not even be exposed to a parent's new lover. So many people think this stance is bizarre. It just sounds so radical to them because parents of minor children getting into new relationships is so common these days.

But I agree with her.

More Attempts to Arrange the Deck Chairs

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Don't Fall For the Valentine's Day Trap

Men, whether you're in a new relationship or a long-term one, don't fall for the trap of proposing or marrying on Valentine's Day.

If you proposed over the holidays, it was probably a mistake to do so and you should seriously consider backing out.

It's generally a good idea to avoid exclusive relationships to begin with, but if you're in a relationship in any given year, it's a good idea to break up or become very scarce before Thanksgiving and to keep things that way until at least February 15. If her birthday or any of your "anniversaries" with her are just before Thanksgiving or just after Valentine's Day, extend that "off" period to cover that.

But here we are. Valentine's Day is about a month away as I write this, and so if you're in a relationship, then if she's like most women, she's going to expect you to put a lot of time and money into celebrating. You're expected to jump through hoops. Why???

Get out. Hit the eject button. And seriously consider not getting back into the relationship.


[This has been bumped up because you need to see it.]

Dr. Laura and the Dilemma of Facebook

[This is from July 2013, but I'm bumping it up because it is relevant.]

While I'm a huge fan of Dr. Laura Schlessinger and her media offerings, and agree with her on many important things, I do have my quibbles with what she tells listeners/callers. Many of those quibbles have to do with technology.

Dr. Laura started off her show yesterday talking about social media, and what not to put on your Facebook page (you know, pictures of you getting drunk… stuff like that). She again took the opportunity to say that people shouldn’t have personal Facebook pages. If her listeners didn’t, however, they wouldn’t be able to comment on her show’s Facebook page, which daily solicits comments on various topics.

What Dr. Laura may not know, because she makes it clear she doesn’t have a personal Facebook page, is that people can adjust their settings so that their Facebook pages are completely private. And yeah, I know there may be an occasional breech by a hacker, or an error on the part of Facebook, or one of those annoying deliberate overhaul of the settings Facebook seems to do every few months and it might “default” people into having things “public” that they want private. Even so, people can be limited about what they put into their Facebook to begin with.

In the third hour, she got a call from parent asking when a child should be allowed to be on social media. Dr. Laura said "18". She said it doesn't hurt the child to NOT be on social media.

I disagree. It can definitely hurt the child, because if someone isn’t familiar with current, commonly used ubiquitous technologies, it could be limiting to everything from their education, to keeping up on current events, their access to information, their employment, and their careers.

Dr. Laura said that if it hurts not having it, then every generation before this one would have been damaged. She has often said previously “I didn’t have an iPad or smart phone when I was growing up. Somehow I survived.”

This can be said about ANY technology or innovation when it comes to previous generations, from television to radio to automobiles to telephones to bicycles to public libraries to spears with sharpened stones as tips.

Technology is a tool. It can be used for good or ill. Humanity moves on, and if people are not going to avail themselves of widely used technologies, they can be left behind.

Think about this. The typical modern office uses desktop and/or laptop computers and usually smart phones and tablets as well. A business or most other organizations are going to have websites and quite often a dynamic presence in social networking services. If you were hiring someone for a job in such an office, all other things being equal about two candidates for the job, are you going to hire an Amish person who has no previous experience even with anything electrical, or the person who knows how to use social networking to the benefit of the office’s mission?

Even looking for a job has changed. Back “in the day”, Dr. Laura would have had to pound the pavement to submit applications, after finding job listings in newspapers. If someone stuck to that now, they’d be very limited compared to the person who can find AND apply for jobs anywhere in the world from their own home.

Yes, some people reveal too much online or do stupid or evil things with social networking. But did you know that, unless you have purchased your home in a revocable trust (something most people don’t do) it isn’t hard for people to find out where you live? That can be dangerous. So do we all go live in caves?

Parents should allow their kids to have a limited, monitored presence on social media so that the kids can learn how it works and what it can do. One of the benefits for me is that I have had edifying conversations with people I would not have otherwise met. A parent may worry that their kid will seek a work-around to subvert the monitoring by their parents, but if that’s the child’s mindset, they’re probably going to use social media anyway through a library or their friend’s house and there’s a bigger problem going on anyway.

ADDITION October 26, 2016: There's nothing wrong with adults already established or retired from their careers having Facebook accounts, either. Facebook is, basically, a web organization tool, bringing together many things that used to be offered by different services and tying them together. It can help small businesses, it can help families and friends stay in touch, and it can help people stay organized, Nobody has to place any private information there for public consumption. Dr. Laura will tell people to pick up the phone and call people or drive to see them in person. There is not always possible, and on Facebook a group of people can be engaged in a way that simply wouldn't be possible in-person. Facebook and  other online tools should not replace in-person interaction. But they can augment them and "extend" them in beneficial ways. Technology marches on, like it or not.


I've written about Dr. Laura and technology before, here, here, here, here, and here.

Men Should Protect Themselves

I first posted this here in 2008. It holds up. Minor changes may have been made here and there.


In previous posts, I wrote about laws and policies that could level the playing field somewhat between the sexes. Although those things are possible, I do not hold out much hope for them happening. Men should do what they can to protect themselves – their wallets, their hearts, their bodies, their autonomy - based on the way things are NOW.

Here are my suggestions:

1. Come up with a plan for your life. What are your priorities? What are your goals? What is your dream? What do you want to accomplish as far as family, friends, career, and hobbies? What kind of lifestyle do you want to have?

This will determine what you do and how you do it. Plans can change, but it is important to have a plan. If you want to serve God and get married and have kids, you are going to do things differently than if it want to travel as much as possible for pleasure, or if you want to reach the top of the corporate ladder.

There is no right or wrong answer to these questions – only what you need and want out of life. Don’t let other people tell you what you need, what you want, what you like – even if that other person has a vagina and is really, really hot. Only YOU know those things. One way for you to know is to look at your life so far and figure out what you have liked and what you have not.

If you want a career, pursue that career. If your highest priority is a career, serious, exclusive relationships can slow you down. They can distract you, take your time and energy, keep you from going where you need to go, putting in the hours you need to put in, socializing for the sake of networking, etc.

Plus, the more successful you are, the more options you will have in dates/finding a partner. Marriage-minded “ladies” like the security that comes with a man who is successful. “Golddiggers” are turned on by a fat wallet. Either way, it basically boils down to $$$.

Tom Leykis is BACK - But The End is Near

Talk show host Tom Leykis returned to doing live shows this past Friday, February 2, after announcing he was going to make an announcement on Wednesday, January 31, and that announcement being that he was going to be back on Friday to make some announcements. Got that?

After being very sick for weeks, and having a bad voice as a result, it was good to hear him back on the show and seemingly healthy. He ended up doing a show for about four and a half hours.

The biggest announcement he had is that he's ending his self-titled show this year. He didn't provide an exact date, but he said the show would not exist in 2019.

From what he said, it sounds like there are multiple reasons for this.

Recent Dear Abby Columns Should Be a Warning Against Marrying

A couple of recent Dear Abby columns caught my eye. You can really learn a lot about why you don't want to get married or have children by reading Dear Abby.

SPOIL ME, PLEASE, IN OHIO wrote:

My husband and I have been happily married for seven years. He recently graduated from his final residency, and after 11 years of post-high school education, he is finally out practicing.

During all those years, I supported us financially.

Awwww, how nice!

It's a Completely Different Culture Now

As Dr. Laura gets more and more experience dealing with callers who have been raised in a culture in which there is no discouragement of casual fornication (or shacking up), including teenaged fornication, she gets more likely to make a point of commenting on it when the caller or someone the caller is dealing with is involved in such behavior. (She seems to be somewhat wearied by the negative cultural shifts, which is certainly understandable as she deals with call after call with the ugly fallout of this societal breakdown.)

In the second hour of the show on Monday, August 10, 2015 [note that this entry has been bumped up] she had a call from a mother whose teen daughter had been staying with a friend, but slipped out and walked to a nearby home in which a boy was residing and had intercourse with him. It was presented as her first experience. Dr. Laura expressed disgust that the boy's parents were likely home and sleeping at the time; presumably the disgust was at the brazen flouting of morality and parental respect (which assumed the boy's parents would object, though it is entirely possible they wouldn't), because she expresses no disgust at the thought of grown, married people having sex while visiting and staying at a parental home. But I digress.


Dr. Laura urged the caller to ask her daughter how she felt about the experience. "Did she think it was love? Was it curiosity?"


That's where I want to scream at my listening device "How about IT FEELS GOOD!"?

She also threw in the "He's bragged to all of his friends" thing.

Dr. Laura often approaches this as though every teen girl is expecting that sex will always mean love, that no teen girl enjoys sex or ever puts her physical pleasure ahead of other considerations, and that teens still talk about sex the same way or that a teen girl is going to mind if other people know she had sex. There are other times Dr. Laura indicates that women enjoy sex but the way she talks about fornication, if it is all anyone heard from her on sexual matters, would give someone the impression that she doesn't think females enjoy sex. Females do enjoy fornication. Most don't enjoy it as much as marital lovemaking or might feel some negativity about it after it is over, especially if there is a breakup or a relationship doesn't actually form in the first place, but they do enjoy it if the guy is at all competent in what he's doing.


Yes, up into part of the 1960s, most girls didn't want people to know they'd fornicated, because most people lived their lives in the same rural community or urban neighborhood and there was a general cultural shame against fornication (sure, plenty of people were doing it, but they tried to keep it private) and if word got around, then the young men in the area would either not want her or the parents of the young man would strongly pressure him not to date her, but especially not to marry her. The school she attended and the religious congregation she attended might have taken action. It might even have been a criminal matter.

None of that is true anymore, at least in most places in the USA. As such, few girls who fornicate are going to mind if word spreads. Often, it isn't even talked about. It is just assumed that it is going on. There are teen girls who walk around school wearing condoms on their clothing to get attention (under the guise of trying to raise awareness in her peers); would such a girl give a rip if someone found out she was having sex?

But the way Dr. Laura often handles these calls, it is like she still thinks things are like they were when she was growing up. This time, she did go on to acknowledge that teen fornication is now seen as the norm and expected. During part of the call, though, I wanted to somehow break in and say something like, "Excuse me... she's a heterosexual girl who is turned on by males, this one in particular, and sex can feel good, even when it is fornication. It is like asking her why she stole the ice cream out of the freezer and if it tasted good while she ate it. Maybe she felt nervous, maybe a little guilty, or maybe she's worried about it going to her hips, but she liked the taste."

The frame of reference is way too different now. Saying something like "He doesn't love you! You're not going to have a lasting relationship with him! All of his friends know!" isn't going to have any dissuading effect on most teens these days. Rather, a better tactic, if religion isn't going to be invoked (and it's not a religious show, after all) is to convince teens that the risks (getting bonded to someone wrong for you, diminishing your ability to enjoy future intimate relationships, STDs, pregnancy) aren't worth the pleasure. Admit that it can feel good, but so can many other things that have a better time and place.

Anyway, I previously went over some of these issues in much depth here, and this is another entry that is relevant.

Response to a Widowed Mother

The most visited entry on this blog, by a mile, is about why men shouldn't date single mothers. It has garnered hundreds of comments. One came in today from Anonymous that prompted me to respond:

You really broke my heart, I'm new to the dating scene. My husband passed away for years ago I'm in my young forties and I have three little girls that I love dearly. My husband died of no fault of my own and I'm widowed. It looks like I have no hope to ever find someone to love me because I have 3 kids even though they have their own checks that come with them until they're 18 men don't know that unless I tell them. If what you say is really What Men really think then I have no hope. My heart is so broken your article is so sad

Anonymous, I'm so sorry that that happened to you. You have my sympathies. I can't imagine what you've endured.

As I wrote in the entry on dating single mothers, it's a little different for your situation (being widowed through no fault of your own).

The "good" news for you is that there are PLENTY of men who don't think these things through and will take on a woman with kids, even though people like me would urge him not to.

But there's a lot of bad news and potentially bad news, including that the pickings are slim for a woman in her 40s even if she is child-free.

While your situation is different from a never-married or divorced mom, there are still enormous risks for a man. And there are problems for you, too. Here are some of the problems you're still facing:

1) Marriages in which there are stepchildren (which your children would be to him) have a 70% divorce rate, and the other 30% aren't all happy.

2) That's just marriages. Most relationships do not even get to that point. Do your kids really need the drama of a new man coming into their life, and then the breakup and him going back out of their life? And you being upset about it?

3) What if he has kids? If you're looking for a serious, lasting relationship, most men in the age range you should be dating are going to have kids; some are even going to have grandkids. That makes it even more complicated and chaotic. Let's say he has minor kids. And he marries you. So now his kids get to come VISIT him raising YOUR kids. How do you think that makes those kids feel? And do you think your kids will want to deal with these interlopers?

4) Kids whose parents do not bring around a new lover into their kids' life have a much lower risk of being abused than kids who are exposed to their parent's new lover(s). In other words, it appears that bringing your new lovers around your kids makes it more likely they will be abused. Imagine for a second the mind of a pedophile. I know, it's an icky thought. But do you think a pedophile is more likely to choose a woman who has kids (and their father isn't around!) or a woman who has no kids? So, you're a target. Scary thought, but it's sadly true.

Seems to me the best thing to do is: 1) Make sure you're done having kids, either through tubal ligation or hysterectomy or whatever. 2) Until your kids are grown, date when your kids are with their grandparents or aunts or uncles or friends, so your kids never have to meet your new lover(s) while they are still minors.

And, if you do things that way, the good news is that you can expand the age range of men you'll date. So, for example, if you want to try being with a younger man, go for it! You can find a lot of them willing to date a mother in her 40s because a lot of the their age are too busy with older men to date them.

I hope I've given you some perspective.

A Tale of an Alpha Male Father

One of Dr. Laura's favorite go-to stories about "alpha male" fathers dealing with boys who disrespect their mother is from a letter she got from a guy who recalls mouthing off to his mother until his father came into the room, grabbed him by the collar and/or pinned him up against the wall or some such maneuver, got into his face, and said "You will never talk to MY WOMAN that way!" And the letter writer claimed it worked.

Dr. Laura is very clear that the wording is "my woman" rather than "your mother", because the woman being disrespected is the father/husband's territory. That's her wording. This is one of the very few specific examples I've heard anyone, not just Dr. Laura, describe when they tell husbands and fathers to "man up" or "be a real man" or "be alpha" or "get control of your family". Apparently guys are usually supposed to magically know an effective tactic that follows from such admonitions. Like this:

Teen: Screw you!
Outside Observer: You can't let your son behave that way! Be alpha!
Father: [does the unexplained alpha tactics... because someone else told him to be alpha]
Teen: I love you, dad! I'll never be disrespectful again.

But here we have one of the very rare times a specific tactic is described. A few of observations about this anecdote:

Prager Isn't a Hypocrite When It Comes to Divorce

Someone got here by searching:

dennis prager divorce hypocrite

Prager is NOT a hypocrite on divorce.

He's been divorced twice but he never says people shouldn't divorce. Quite the contrary, he says marriage involves a contract and that if someone isn't holding up their end of the contract, then divorce is entirely reasonable. He also tries to advocate for strengthening marriages.

People assume all "religious conservatives" think alike on everything, and it isn't the case. Also, remember that Prager is an observant Jew, not a Christian.

I have no idea why Prager has been divorced twice. That's probably by design. And to be fair, why would he give an explanation on his radio show or in his books or columns when his ex-wives don't really have the same platform? It's probably best he doesn't talk about it.


He does beat the drum for marrying and having children. I wish he wouldn't. Most men shouldn't marry, not have children. But Prager advocates marriage and is consistent in that he's married three times (so far).

Interestingly, he has a colleague working for the same company, Michael Medved. Diane Medved has written a book called Don't Divorce that Michael has promoted on his show. I'd thought I'd read Michael had been married before he married Diane but maybe I'm not remembering correctly. He speaks glowingly of Diane.

They Do Everying But Name the Guy a Murderer - UPDATED

The first suspect in criminal homicide cases is usually going to be either the last person who saw (or admitted to seeing) the victim alive, or the victim's spouse (ah, marriage), A good example of the first scenario is this tragic case unfolding right now in Orange County, California. A university student by the name of Blaze Bernstein went missing, and then was found dead over a week later. This article by Kelly Puente in the Orange County Register cites a police document, referring to the "friend" of the victim:

The body of 19-year-old pre-med college student Blaze Bernstein was found Tuesday in brush near a Foothill Ranch park where he went missing more than a week ago, and records show that a high-school classmate who reportedly was the last known person to see him alive appeared nervous when interviewed by detectives.

That's just the start of it.

Trying to Make a Bad Situation A Little Bit Better

There's a lot of advice out there about keeping or reviving the  - romance, spark, passion or whatever words you want to use - in a marriage.

Why is that?

It's because so many married people lose that spark, lose that attraction, lose that fun, lose that passion.

This is why so many men are just fine dating a woman for three months and then not really caring if she stops seeing him ("Where is this relationship going???"). Such men are constantly finding other women, and they know the sex is never going to get any better than those first few months. Some marriage advocates balk at that and insist the sex gets better in good marriages, and to some extent I agree, but I also know most men want variety and excitement in sex more than emotional intimacy. And most marriages aren't good most of the time.

Anyway, the latest bit of advice about trying to arrange the deck chairs on the Titanic comes from Dr. Laura. She posted this on her website: "10 Ways to Rekindle the Romance in Your Marriage"

You might think that trying to rekindle the romance in your marriage is heavy stuff.

As I Guessed

On yesterday's show, Tom Leykis confirmed the threshold had been met and his show will continue. He came on live to make the announcement despite his voice being seriously limited by illness, because he'd  promised that date as the date of the big announcement.

Hopefully, he'll fully recover ASAP.

It will be interesting to see how many people bought yearlong subscriptions that will lapse (due to their intention setting or due to credit card changes) in December of this year. If enough other people subscribe or renew throughout the year, or a significant new sponsorship gets into place, it won't matter.

If Leykis still has a book coming, that should get him a new wave of listeners/callers/subscribers.

The Age of 2017 is Over - The Age of 2018 is Here

Another calendar year is winding down to a close. Have you made resolutions for 2018? Resolutions can be made at any time. You don't need to wait for an arbitrary calendar date. I read somewhere that if you can keep  a new habit for 21 days, you're likely to keep it going. It can also be helpful to make incremental changes. For example, if you want to walk more, don't think you need to start walking a certain long distance every day. Start with something and then add to it a little at a time.

But this entry is not about resolutions.

It is simply taking a moment to think about the year ending and think about the year ahead.

New Years Eve and New Years Day have become popular proposal days, and there are people who  pick December 31 as their day to get married. Guys, DO NOT fall into that trap!

As for me, I have kept active on Twitter and I plan to keep active on this blog, because I find it therapeutic and if I can help just one man have a better life, and to be better, than it will be worth it (in addition to how it helps me).

There were some big things that happened this year. My wife's sibling and in-law, who'd been living with us rent-free for almost two years, were kicked out by my wife because my wife didn't think they were helping out enough and didn't like their attitudes. We had to hospitalize one of our kids in a psych ward (they were only there temporarily, but long enough) and we're still dealing with finding the best therapy. There was at least one other big change on which I might elaborate later.

I'm not planning big changes for 2018. I plan to keep working and I plan to keep trying to keep my wife from going off the rails again and keep tending to my kids. Save for a concert I have tickets to already, I have nothing planned for me that will be fun. I'll be happy if life doesn't get much worse.

A few notes about media from this past year. Hugh Hefner died, as I predicted he would (two other people I predicted would die in 2017 haven't - yet). Some people tried to tie Hefner in to all of the men doing everything from sending unsolicited crotch shots to sexual harassment to rape in the entertainment industry. At the other end of the spectrum, the head of a Protestant ministry, the Christian Research Institute, left Protestantism for Eastern Orthodoxy while staying put at the ministry, which I consider to be a bad move on his part (not necessarily joining the EOC, but keeping his position in a Protestant ministry). Then there was Tom Leykis continuing to pass along his astute observations on the unfolding demise of the corporate terrestrial radio industry while threatening to end his own Internet-based show unless he got enough subscribers by the end of the year.

Do you have observations for 2017? Plans or predictions for 2018? I always welcome comments. I hope you have a great 2018.

How Things Go in Marriage

At least mine, anyway, and probably a lot of other husbands.


Scenario 1:

Wife: I'd like you to make more of the decisions.

Me: [consults with my wife, makes a decision]

Wife: You don't listen to me!

Me: I did listen to you. We didn't agree. I made the decision.



Scenario 2:

Wife: I want to do X, Y, and Z.

Me: Let's think about this for a bit.

Wife: I REALLY WANT TO DO X, Y, and Z NOW!

Me: What if M, N, and O happen as a result? I don't want to deal with that. That wouldn't be good.

Wife: You're so negative! Why do you have to crap on everything I want to do?!? This is the best thing to do!

Wife: [Does X, Y, and Z.]

M,N, and O are the result.

Wife: I didn't know it was going to be like this! This bums me out so much. I wish we'd never done X, Y, and Z. HELP ME!!!

REPEAT with different things in the X, Y, and Z spots.


If you want to share scenarios, please comment with yours.

What Women Like

Today's example of what women like - like so much they will have intercourse with such men, apparently without effective contraception - comes from a recent Dear Abby column:

I have a 14-year-old daughter I have raised alone. Her father has never been in her life, nor has he been in the lives of his other children with other women. He has a long history of criminal behavior and mental illness.

Note that the guy being described has obviously had sex with many women, women who don't use contraception effectively.

Will There Be a Tom Leykis Cliffhanger? - UPDATED

As has happened in some years past, at least as recently as 2014, Tom Leykis, who evaluates his business goals on a calendar year basis, is warning his listeners that his live audio call-in show will end at the turn of the year unless the finances are favorable. Extremely transparent in comparison to so many other entertainers, he's insisting that unless he has 1,900 subscribers by the end of the year (and it is important to note the shows at the end of the year will be repeats due to the holidays), this version of his show, which started in early 2012, will end, with a final live show in early January to say goodbye. And as Leykis says, his word is his bond. As of this writing, he has nearly 1,800 subscribers. Unless the pace of subscriptions and renewals picks up, his live shows this year will end without it being clear if the goal will be met.

If you're not familiar with Leykis' business, you should be. And you should care what happens with it.

Go Watch Your Musicals, Ladies

UPDATE: I'm bumping this up on June 15, 2012 because today Dr. Laura covered this topic again and asked for comments on Facebook (even though grown men are not supposed to use Facebook, right?) about how playing video games is turning men into pathetic worms. Or something like that. I haven't listened to her commentary on today's show yet. I'll likely have more to say about this soon, based on the comments left on Facebook. -K

UPDATE AGAIN 12/14/2017: Bumping this up again because she again told a caller to toss out her 16 year-old son's video game system (and remove the network entirely from his life). You know what guys that age are likely to do if you do that, given their newfound free time? Knock up girlfriends.



Dr. Laura is back from vacation and the first segment of today's show already got me going. If you click on my Dr. Laura tag you'll see that there's a lot I like about her and her show and I think she does a lot of good. But one of the areas in which I think she's off the mark is "video games". I've written about this before.

I think it was her second call of the day... a wife had called, dragging her husband along, telling Dr. Laura that they have disagreed since they got married (about a year and half ago, if I recall correctly) about the husband playing video games. Dr. Laura did NOT ask the wife if she knew about the guy's game playing when she married him.

Instead, she insisted that the guy needed to choose between the video games and his wife. She repeatedly said that he looks like a "boy", and "adolescent". She would not listen to anything he had to say, nor when his wife tried to interject something. She called it "childish", a "turn-off" and said it didn’t matter what his accomplishments were, that he needed to give up the games.

From there, she went to break and when she came back, she emphasized her point again. Finally, just before she took another call, she threw in a mention that women should not overlook it before marriage and then turn around and make an issue of it once married. (My guess is that she'd advise women not to marry these guys.) I wish she would have drilled the wife on that one. I think it is a rotten thing to do to marry someone and then make an issue out of your spouse's recreational activity.

As I wrote before, I don't play video games. I don't even play those games on social networking sites, or solitaire, or any of the other games found in desktop and handheld computers. But I still fail to see what the big deal is about this. Some people like watching movies. Some people like watching TV shows, including sports. Some people like playing video games. I fail to see why one is worse than the others. I get that Dr. Laura is not into them, but she's wrong on this one.

There are a lot of things, I’m sure, that the husband could cite about his wife's behavior that guys would find a turn-off, even though he married her knowing about them. Dr. Laura had kicked off the show talking about how she had taken time off to go sailing and how much fun it was. There are people who would find that to be silly or childish. But so what? They don't have to go sailing. And Dr. Laura doesn't need to play games, and neither does this guy's wife.

At least people are able to play video games together, and he's right there in the home so that his wife can approach him if she wants to. I hope that guy rewards his wife for dragging him into that trap by picking up a solitary hobby that takes him out of the house or into the garage and away from his wife… so that she begs him to go back to playing video games.

I personally know two grown men who are game designers, and they are mature and make a good living. It's honest work. And they target their games to adults - not with "adult" content, mind you, but they do not talk down to children. I hadn't even thought about them, though, when I started writing this. I was simply thinking about players.

Don't like your husband playing games? Go watch a musical, or scrapbook, or whatever.

Do You Have a Commitment?

Ladies, after listening closely to Dr. Laura for many, many years, I know how to tell if you have are in a committed relationship. Some of you think you're in a committed relationship, but you're really not. I've tried to keep this as simple as possible.


Do You Have a Commitment?

On Spreadsheets and Owing Sex

[Bumping this up.]

Much attention was recently paid to a posting by a frigid wife of a spreadsheet her husband made detailing their lack of a sex life and the lame excuses she provided in rejecting him.

In response, many people have circulated this flowchart:

Of course this is not something presented from a Biblical perspective. In the Biblical worldview, married people (uh, that's a man and a woman, for you youngsters who have been robbed of a good understanding of marriage) belong to each other. Sexually rejecting your spouse is denying something they are owed, and is religious grounds for divorce, and used to be legal grounds for divorce, back when you actually needed a reason. Marriages weren't considered valid unless they has been consummated with intercourse.

We can agree that a wife (or woman, since we as a society now want to shame slut-shamers) does not owe anyone sex. However, we should also agree that in the very same sense, no man owes a woman...

love

respect

his seat

his coat

his arm

a dance

a prom

a phone call

protection

help with heavy objects

automotive maintenance and repair

romance

dinner

a movie

a ride

the storefront side of the sidewalk

conversation

attention

flowers

jewelry

sweets

a wedding

a baby

birthday cards

birthday presents

anniversary cards

anniversary presents

Valentine's Day cards

Valentine's Day presents

tax money

Let's make sure we establish that and it will be a wonderful world of men and women not being pleasant towards each other.

Most likely, the woman who posted that spreadsheet her husband had made rarely, if ever, rejected a nice session of fornication with him. Before they married, she represented herself as enjoying sex and wanting to have regular/frequent sex with him. If he was a bad lover or somehow deficient in their relationship in a way that turned her off, why wasn't he alerted? She was able to function just fine then. Now that he has signed a legal contract giving him certain financial obligations to her, she rejects him. Is this just a coincidence?

Many unmarried men, especially ones who are divorced, find that many women seem to be willing and eager to have sex - lots of it - with them, even if they don't spend much (if any) time, money, or effort into romancing them or "setting the mood" or jumping through hoops. This is true even if those women have children, jobs, and maintain their own homes. These women really seem to enjoy the sex, too. Why do so many wives, meaning women who are legally entitled to one man's earnings, have so much less interest in sex? Is this just a coincidence?

Even stupid men eventually follow the rewards.

A strong inculcating of conservative religious notions about sexuality will tell a man that fornication is wrong. However, at some point, more and more men will be willing to be celibate or an occasional fornicator than a rejected husband, because becoming a husband means taking on very serious risks and obligations and if the rewards aren't there, fewer men are going to do it, no matter how much their churches tell them women deserve husbands.

On the personal front, it has been a while since I wrote this series. Things have gotten worse. Mercy sex is now once per week if I am lucky. Two week+ intervals are being imposed more, and that's just part of the problem. Recently we spent a little time with a married couple I admire that we do not get to see that often. I have been friends with them for a long time now, long before I met my wife. The husband was one of my groomsmen. After the visit, they wrote to me with their concerns. Their concerns matched those of my father (who has been telling me to consider divorce) and line up with what our therapist has said to me. All of them urge me to find relaxing, fun time for myself, but I just don't see how I can without further shortchanging my children, who have already been screwed by having the parents they do.

I hope somebody out there is learning important lessons from all of this.

Your Child, Your Choice, Your Responsibility

The mommy wars never end. Michael Medved, as I type, has Erica Komisar on his show, who has a book out about the importance of mothers being with their children from birth to age three. Of course there are women calling up complaining about the fact that children benefit from actually being with their mother. They'd rather not hear the truth, apparently. And others are complaining that their employer doesn't facilitate this.

There are thee issues here.

1) It is YOUR responsibility to plan things so that if you have children, they will have their mother* with them. Your choice, remember? With choice comes responsibility. Daycare is almost always voluntary and a bad choice. If you're not cut out to be a mother, don't become one. If you don't have a marriage that allows for you to mother your own children, don't have them.

2) It is not a legitimate role of government to compel employers to provide daycare or maternity leave or any other of these accommodations parents want.

3) Employers should be free to run their businesses as they want. If they want to give mothers paid time off to raise their children, fine, but expecting all employers to offer it is an attitude of entitlement.

A Free Man Calls Dr. Laura

As you know if you read this blog, I'm married, and I'm a father, having had children with my wife. I got married because I wanted to, and I have children because I wanted to.*

On yesterday's (Wednesday, November 1, 2017) Dr. Laura Program, which I love, I think it was the first call that she took that had me wanting to scream.

The caller was a man of about 30 years of age, who has a girlfriend who is 29. He's never wanted children. The girlfriend indicated she has wanted children, but was willing to not have children for the right relationship.

Hugh Hefner and Hysteria

After a long and storied life, Hugh Hefner passed, and everyone seemed to have something to say about him. Those who had mostly negative things to say about him fell into two basic categories: self-proclaimed feminists who are misandrists, and people with a religious conviction that sex and nudity are for monogamous heterosexual marriage and anything that goes against that is some of the worst stuff ever.

While some critics puffed up their essays with big words, if you watched closely and read between the lines, what really upset people about Hefner more than anything else was that he and/or his media exposed or glaringly reinforced some truths people didn’t want to admit:

1)  Men can get sexually aroused strictly from the visual, and static, two-dimensional visuals at that.

2) Men want to see women naked more more than woman want to see men naked.

3) Men are willing to pay to see women naked.

4) Women, even the girl next door, are willing to sell their sexuality for money.

5) Men want sex more than women.

6) Women are their most visually attractive in their late teens/early 20s.

Hugh Hefner's biggest "crime" was making glamour nudes of the world's most beautiful women accessible to the masses, especially men, even if they were poor, whereas in the past, only the rich could see such women. He catered to the tastes of grown men, without trying to accommodate women and children or let women dictate what men should enjoy. Playboy allowed men to see nude women (albeit only pictorial representations) without having to sign a state marriage contract. These are his real sins in the minds of so many, whether they want to admit it or not. Some of the men speaking out are trying to appease their wives or pastors.

Regarding truth number 2, notice that while Playgirl and similar offerings became a thing, their popularity was only a tiny fraction of that of Playboy, and much of that interest came from homosexual men.

The critics, especially the religion-based ones, make it sound like Hefner was one of the worst things that ever happened to the world, because his magazine and associated media had young, beautiful, nude women and because he surrounded himself with young, beautiful women. He did far more damage with some of his political involvements and some of the messages conveyed in text, but people want to focus on the fact that his magazine featured women in their birthday suits.

Do the critics really think that if Hugh Hefner never existed, media, and society in general, wouldn’t be like it is today? While critics and fans alike try to paint Hefner as a pioneering pornographer, if he hadn’t done it, someone else would have. He saw a demand and cultural trends, and he capitalized on them.

Below are some of the reactions published online in response to Hefner’s death.

Video Games, Employment, and Marriage

Matt Walsh posted this Daily Wire story by Paul Bois to knock men for supposedly "playing video games instead of finding jobs"/

A new study shows that young males would rather sit on their rears while playing "Grand Theft Auto" than look for long, steady work.

Oh really now?

According to research from economists from Princeton, the University of Rochester and the University of Chicago, non-college educated men are rejecting full-time employment and spending as much as 40 hours a week playing video games.

I'm sure there are some who did this. But how many have been looking hard for work, aren't finding it, and are enjoying a little entertainment with their free time? What are those guys supposed to do? Oh, I know... they're supposed to be lackeys to women.

​The University of Chicago's Erik Hurst, an economist at the Booth School of Business, confirms that happiness, at least for now, has gone up among this group of people.

This is when the misandrists say that happiness shouldn't be a goal.

Why Health Matters in Relationships - Part 2

In the first installment from a couple of years ago, I wrote about why health matters in relationships, and a small part of what I wrote was this:

The kids. What genetic problems have our kids inherited, including mental illness? What did her conditions and the medications do during her pregnancies? Our kids are not lacking in their appearances and they are highly intelligent, but I'm bracing for mental illness to be diagnosed and when their behavior is problematic I wonder if they've been impacted by medication. My wife could no longer physically control the kids from an early age so discipline became a problem. Also, the kids literally watched their mother lose touch with reality and behave in ways that they'll probably be talking about in therapy for the rest of their lives.

Since then, the fit has really hit the shan, bigly.

Someone Please Call and Ask This

I want to hear a call like this to Dave Ramsey or any conservative and/or business/financial commentator who will answer questions/give advice through call-in show. Dave Ramsey is ideal because he gives financial advice and is popular in conservative religious circles:

I want to know your thoughts about this pending deal because I’m getting cold feet.

I have a friend with whom I’ve had what amounts to a weekend hobby for a few years. We often get together a couple of nights in a week, too. My buddy wants to take it to the next level, though, with papers and everything. He wants to form a partnership and register it with the state.

Although there’s nothing in the written contract that penalizes either of us for working with others, my potential partner expects I will put all of time and resources into the partnership, and said there'd be Hell to pay if I even thought of doing a side project with someone else and the partnership would be over.

With the people who've prepared like we have, who hire a consultant like we have, there's about a 40% failure rate of these ventures. Failure would mean not only would half of the assets go to my partner, but I would have to pay my partner’s attorney fees, and I would be obligated to pay money to my partner based on the length of the partnership; if the partnership had lasted ten years or more, I’d be making payments in perpetuity.

There is the possibility that products would be created within the partnership that could be liabilities and financial drains for 18-25 years; I would be expected to cover those costs, including more than necessary if manage to earn a high income. There is a possibility, but by no means a certainty, that the products will provide me with some nominal income late in my life.

Even though there is an expectation that we would not work outside of the partnership, many people who’ve entered into these agreements have done that anyway, and like I said, there is no penalty for doing so. If my partner incurs a liability with someone else, I would be obligated to pay for it for 18-25 years.

Finally, my partner has indicated that soon into the partnership, I will be the person solely responsible for bringing in revenue; my partner plans to provide intangible contributions, such as encouragement, but would not be penalized at all for not doing so. Even without bringing in any revenue, my partner would still get at least half of the assets in the event the partnership ended.

Do you think this is a good deal for me?

Of course those of you who read this blog know exactly what I'm talking about. From a purely financial perspective, it would be insane to tell someone this is a good partnership to enter.

Revisiting My Series on the Claim Married Men Get More Sex

[Bumped up from December 2016] I wrote a seven-part series for this blog that ran in February and March of 2010. A lot has happened since then. I have done more reflection, I've had significant life experiences since then, I have learned much more about my wife, and so I thought it would be a good time to revisit what I wrote back then.

From Part One:

We've been having quick, rather vanilla/repetitive/almost clinical, once-a-week, mostly one-sided sessions for quite a while now, usually involving her waking me up from a dead sleep (I don't get enough sleep as it is), though not as creatively as she could. That means we've been doing it 4-5 times a month (and usually not taking her to climax, which I really, really like doing). There's no way we've averaged 9.94 times a month when considering the whole marriage.
Verdict: I am currently one of the people who can say I got more sex while unmarried than married.

Geez, I thought I had it bad then. It's been more like once every three weeks now, although my wife has just agreed to try to get it up to three times per week. The problem is, after everything that's happened and the things she's said repeatedly, including recently, and done, it is difficult for me to be turned on to her. Sex is a burden and chore for her and she deliberately avoids orgasms except for rare times. Yes, I'm still physically attracted to her and want to enjoy her body and treat her well, but treating her well seems to be leaving her alone, and emotionally it's a mess. Like just about every other plan to which she agrees, the plan to at least make out more often will probably be dropped quickly.

Why the Meaning Behind Words Matters

As I’ve written many times before, I’m a big fan of Dr. Laura and agree with most of what she says.

One thing I appreciate is that she tends not to buy into the hysteria regarding “adult media” that so many other conservative, “marriage-and-family” advocates have. Primarily, that means when a wife calls, upset that her husband likes looking at pixels depicting nude women or even women in sexual situations, Dr. Laura usually tells the caller to get over it as long as it is depicting human adults, isn’t gay male material, isn’t something like BDSM or some other fetish, and the husband isn’t neglecting his obligations (such as rejecting his wife to go and masturbate to porn).

On yesterday’s (September 11, 2017) show, the first or one of the first calls was from a woman who found out that her husband was looking at “teen porn”. Unfortunately, despite the fact that 18 and 19-year-olds are teens, and many people older than that pretend to be teens in mainstream media as well as adult, Dr. Laura immediately condemned the husband, raised the subject of “kiddie” stuff and told the woman to leave her husband and take the husband’s computer to have it checked by police. When the caller pointed out that 18 and 19-year-olds are teens, Dr. Laura said that a year or two doesn’t make a difference.

When Dr. Laura tells wives to get over the fact that their husband views adult media, what exactly does she think most of that media depicting “women, women with men” features? In most cases, it isn’t women the same age as the husband or the wife. Most of those women in general adult media (as opposed to “granny” or “MILF” stuff) are under 30 years of age, many of them 18-25. Playboy has always featured women who were as young as 18 and 19 (and, the fact is, at least once they had a female under the age of 18).

Your average regulation heterosexual man is going to find women under the age of 25 to be most attractive. I’m talking about from a purely visual, casual perspective. Of course he’s going to find the woman he loves and who loves him to be highly attractive. And truth be told, if most women had to rate men solely on the performance of their penises, most would prefer guys under the age of 25. It’s simple biology.

In other words, Dr. Laura might have told a woman to leave her husband, the father of her child, and invite police to search his computer over the kind of stuff that can be found in Playboy.

Could There Have Been Another?

Recently, I heard that in marrying the wrong person, there was someone you probably passed  over who was the right person.

So I'm going to put that to the test that by looking at my own life.

A Flaw in Tom Leykis’ Logic

It's been almost ten years since I published what is below the fold. It still stands up.

You're not going to find a better talk show host than Tom Leykis when the topics are the radio and television industries. He's also brilliant when it comes to personal finance and money management, entrepreneurship, motivation, and how to avoid marriage, avoid relationships, and how a man can "get more tail for less money".

One of the areas he falls short in, however, is when he blasts Christianity or a general belief in God. He's a lifelong atheist. But there are atheists out there far more knowledgeable and willing to debate much more seriously than Leykis. So when he tries to goad people to call up and argue with him about God, it isn't surprising that it doesn't "work". He tried having a semi-regular segment to his show called Ask the Atheist, but he dropped it for lack of calls (his audience is different now that his show is streamed online rather than on terrestrial broadcast radio), and today he tried (and failed) to do an unofficial Ask the Atheist hour by saying Hurricane Harvey is proof there is no God. There are many, many, many, many, many serious essays on natural disasters/suffering and the existence of God that Leykis could critique during his show, or he could have a Christian apologist on his show if he was really interested in a serious discussion. Instead, he's inviting his listeners to call in, most whom are primarily interested in how to fornicate with as little trouble as possible. If anyone does try to take the position of Theism or even Deism, Leykis resorts to the tactic of essentially repeating "Sez who?!? and "Not so!!!" and all sorts of sleight of word, redirection, etc. Most of what he does is to provide an entertaining show, but this appears to be an attempt at an ego boost or confirmation bias. Whatever the case, he isn't open to serious discussion on the topic. If he was, it might actually be a more successful segment to the show.

But let's get to what I wrote ten years ago.

Life Has Changed - Get Over It

About a year and half ago, someone named Ankush Bahuguna had something published at a site I wasn't familiar with, mensxp.com under the title of  "Why Modern Relationships Are Falling Apart So Easily Today".

We're not prepared. We're not prepared for the sacrifices, for the compromises, for the unconditional love.

A lot of people aren't prepared. But some people are unwilling to make the sacrifices, the compromises, and to put in all of the effort, because they do not see the potential benefits to be worth it. In many cases, they are right.

Unconditional love is an interesting term. Most people don't really mean it when they use it, and some people who do are being foolish. For example, a woman who "loves" her husband after her rapes her child and remains unrepentant is sick.

We're not ready to invest all that it takes to make a relationship work.

Right, a lot of people aren't, and one reason is that there is no assurance it will actually work. Someone can choose wisely, treat kindly, and still get screwed over because the other person can suffer, for example, a brain trauma that changes their attitude and moods.

We want everything easy.

A lot of people do. Other people are willing to work hard, but for many men, there is no benefit to work hard for a relationship with a woman, especially not a marriage. For these men, it isn't that they want things easy; they don't want them unnecessarily and unreasonably difficult or disadvantageous.

We're quitters.

If someone is hitting their head against a wall, they should quit.

Bad Boys Are So Much Fun - Until They Murder Your Kid

It's a good thing "safe and legal" abortion prevents this stuff from happening, as promised. Oops. It didn't. Alene Tchekmedyian had the unenviable task of reporting at the Los Angeles Times on a couple of baby murderers.

Brandon Jerel Williams, 27, was sentenced to 25 years to life in state prison after he was found guilty of first-degree murder, torture and assault on a child causing death, according to the Los Angeles County district attorney’s office.

His 23-year-old girlfriend, Rosie Lee Wilson, was convicted of second-degree murder and child abuse and sentenced to 15 years to life in prison.

Prosecutors said the fatal beating occurred Aug. 21, 2014, when Wilson left her son with Williams, her live-in boyfriend.

Some guy thought it was a good idea to stick it in Wilson and impregnate her. Good job there, buddy. Now, the question is, does he even know he got her pregnant? Did he care? Did he fight for custody? Since he's not even mentioned in the article, my guess is that he's completely out of the picture. But, it is the Los Angeles Times so that might not be so.

One of the "crazy" things Dr. Laura tells people on her show as often as she can is that they should not bring their new lovers around their minor kids. People think that's ridiculous advice, but stories like this are Exhibit A as to why I agree with her. Children are far more likely to be abused by their parent's new lover.

When you read on, it becomes clear this "mother" was choosing her new gina tingles by a bad boy over her own child.

You Can't Argue With Crazy

I previously wrote this about why health matters in relationships.

Among the various  health issues my wife deals with is mental illness. I'm aware that mental illness can range from controlled and relatively mild to completely debilitating. It can also range from "everything is fine right now" to "I'm going to try to kill myself". One of the problems is, there isn't always a way to know when things have shifted until the person is dead or you have to act to prevent them from killing themselves.

Recently my wife and I had a disagreement, and in my frustration, when the children weren't there to hear, I yelled about how I think one of the kids is getting unfairly neglected.

Whenever I yell, everything is diverted. We're no longer going to address what the disagreement is, it is going to be about how terrible I am for yelling. My wife and one of our kids are both extremely good at diverting, although they usually use different tactics. My wife's blanket defense is usually invisible health problems. Yes, she has real health problems. That I can't see how they are limiting her at the moment makes it harder for me to best handle situations. She can cite these problems whether or not they are actually interfering at the moment.

Between her health problems and focusing on my tone or volume of voice, she's always able to avoid changing her behavior. It is always about how I need to change my behavior. So, I end up being worse off having communicated my disagreement or desire, and it is better for me not to have said anything at all. I've been a slow learner when it comes to this.

Yet Another Lament That Men Don't Want to Marry

Quite often, Townhall.com has some great content spanning "conservative" viewpoints from center-right to libertarian to whatever. Recently, they ran another column lamenting that men don't want to emasculate themselves by marrying. That's not how they put it, but that's basically what it amounts to. This time Jerry Newcombe wrote the piece:

I attended an unusual wedding this past weekend.

You attended a party. What you usually don't see are the pointless and not-so-pointless arguments and all of the bad things that result from a man and woman living together in a Mexican standoff with the state.

Ben Steverman notes in the Drudge-linked article: “The U.S. marriage rate—the number of new marriages per 1,000 people—has been falling for decades….And research firm IbisWorld predicts the marriage rate will keep falling over the next five years.”

Although I wish this was mostly from men refusing to sacrifice themselves on the altar of ungrateful narcissistic gynocentrism, most of it is likely a mere delay. People are getting married later because... they can and they should (if they're going to marry at all). People who are busy trying to get a college degree and/or trying to establish themselves in a career aren't in a good place to be a good spouse.

He adds, “It’s unclear whether the decline of the American wedding is a permanent trend. American millennials lag previous generations on many metrics of adulthood…Maybe most of them will eventually get around to weddings of their own—but then, it’s possible that many never will, and that they’ll bring the U.S. marriage rate closer to Europe’s.”

Metrics of adulthood... so the Pope isn't an adult? People should establish themselves as independent adults. They don't have to marry to do that.

It would be disastrous for this country if we went the route of Europe in being a post-marriage society. The old cliché is still true: As the family goes, so goes society.

Even if I agree, I can't encourage men to enter into such a raw deal. Want more men to marry? Work to stop punishing husbands in law, courts, and culture. Raise women who will be the kind of women who will attract and keep a husband.

What’s happened to marriage in America?

We took away incentives for men to marry, and added risks and obligations to husbands. Men have been slow to catch on, but more and more are.

Hollywood has turned monogamy into monotony.

It wasn't Hollywood that did that. Women who are trying to get a man to sign on the dotted line are often quite different sexually than a woman who has a man trapped.

The irony is that surveys show that those who are married tend to enjoy everything on a much more fulfilling basis. And that includes intimacy.

The surveys are flawed. If a survey doesn't distinguish intentionally unmarried men from the rest of unmarried people, and compare them against married men, it is worthless survey. It's also worthless if there wasn't at least some confidence in being anonymous.

Let's deal with a couple of facts. When you combine:
...marriages that divorce
...marriages that don't legally divorce but more or less end before death with emotional, physical and/or legal separation
...marriages that end with suicide or murder-suicide
...marriages that have significant periods of misery related to or based on these two people being legally/socially tied together and/or living together

Then MOST marriages are not happy, lasting marriages. MOST. Does it make sense to you rearrange your entire life and to wager half of your wealth on something that is more likely to fail than succeed?

“Living in sin” (as cohabiting used to be called) has lost its stigma—but most such couples don’t seem to realize that, statistically, living in sin prepares you for divorce more than it does for a happy marriage.

Yes, but why is that? I used to blindly buy into the idea that they had doomed their marriage by shacking up, and I maintain that shacking up is a a terrible idea (almost as bad as legally marrying). But the reality of the situation isn't so simple. Among the reasons is that some people who shack up should never have married in the first place, but they do because they're already living together. They marry because they think it will fix things, because we keep saying that marriage is some sort of magic tonic, or the woman is told that if the relationship doesn't end in marriage, she's been "used" or "wasted her time" even though she was getting something out of the relationship the entire time. It is also likely that the kind of people who shack up are more willing to leave a bad marriage than spend the rest of their lives being miserable in it. There are other reasons, but the one that fits with what this guy and others like him are saying is that, in some cases, people establish patterns in shacking up as unmarried individuals that carry over into the marriage, where they are supposed to be united, to the detriment of the marriage.

Although millions profess Christian belief, too many compartmentalize their lives and fail to live by Christian standards, i.e., no sex outside of traditional marriage.

I really have to wonder where exactly this comes from. What, precisely, does he mean by sex? Words or phrases translated "sexual immorality" in our English Bibles are not clear enough, obviously, because some people say it includes making kissing off-limits. Intercourse was more of a problem before there was contraception and before there were DNA tests. The Old Testament seems to be focused on intercourse. I know what churches have taught, but how much of it is explicitly taught in the Bible? I'm not arguing that PIV is the only thing the Bible teaches against or that everything else is OK. Clearly, giving each other orgasms causes people (especially women) to bond, and that is problematic if you shouldn't be with the person to whom you're bonding. But I really don't think the Bible is as clear as so many of my fellow religious conservatives would think.

Government tax policies, especially in the example of welfare, have subsidized single parenthood, thus, breaking the back of the urban family.

Yeah, that should be stopped.

Instead of actually helping the poor, welfare has ensured their long-lasting misery—because the family is the key to upward mobility.

Not for men. Really. In today's employment market, men need to be able to work long and odd hours, extra days, move, jump from one employer to the next, go on business trips, and network in mixed company unencumbered by a wife and kids who require stability and limiting interaction with women who are now ubiquitous in every strata of the workplace. A man who doesn't have a wife and kids to support can save, insure, and invest in a way that will increase his wealth far more than his married-with-kids counterpart.

Traditional marriage is good for individuals all the way around. Numerous studies show it’s good for your spiritual health, your mental health, your physical health, and your fiscal health.

Again, those studies are flawed. Personally, I attended and focused effectively in church services and Bible studies far more often as an unmarried, child-free man. I did personal Bible study far more, too. Now, I'm busy being a butler, medical advocate, and prison warden.

Many today think marriage is unnecessary.

It is. Someone can have a fulfilling and full life a productive, independent adult. Most of us aren't living on isolated farms anymore.

They think marriage is misery, and singleness is bliss.

It certainly can be. In singleness, someone has far more control over their life.

Perhaps one of the biggest myths of all about marriage is that feelings are all that matter.

Of course feelings aren't all that matter. Freedom matters. Finances matter. Peace of mind matters. Self-determination matters.  And that's why most men shouldn't marry.

He then retreads the flawed correlations between marriage and positive indicators, implying that it is the duty of individuals to sacrifice themselves so society will be better off. Sorry, but the social climate has changed. Men do not have the same power and influence as husbands and fathers as they used to.

The couple wed in the cow patch said a mixture of traditional vows along with some interesting twists...

And how many of the people attending had always made vows to love, honor, and cherish until death, but haven't???

Let women and bicycle-less fish enjoy themselves. Don't marry them, guys. Take care of yourself, become independent and secure, and find worthy causes for your time and money. Don't tie yourself to an irrational creature with the imposition of the state into your relationship.

Priceless Comment Left on This Blog's Most Popular Entry

Here's a comment from a divorced mother upset that I warn men away from woman with children. Note my response.

Many People Do Both

There are many lame arguments out there, especially when expressed in tweets, against "porn". That's in quotes because some of these scold accounts say anything that arouses someone other than their live, in-the-flesh spouse, is porn. Meanwhile most people would think of porn as videos and pictures explicitly depicting people having sex, and that's about it (other than, maybe, delivering a pizza).

Before I go further, exposing bad arguments does NOT mean I think any given media content, or the production or "use" thereof, is a good thing. It means I find bad arguments to be annoying.