Guys: Read This If You're Thinking About Marrying

Quora has some gems. This is one of those gems. Someone asked "What is the brutal truth about life after marriage?"

This is a response from Chris Longford, "married for 13 years."

Sex can become monotonous, masturbation can become preferable at times, and cheating makes you feel horrible. 

I find studies showing that married people have more and better sex suspect, at least for men.

Children can be really annoying sometimes, especially while babies, and you will sometimes secretly regret ever having them (or having as many) and you feel guilty for having these thoughts. 

Yes! There will be times you think that you've ruined your life. For some, that never goes away.

You and your spouse will argue over absolutely pointless and meaningless things and the sight of each other will start annoying you due to built up resentment that neither talks about. You will not want to kiss your spouse passionately after a certain point, it becomes kind of like kissing a sibling. You still have sex, you just stop kissing. Except for the hello and goodbye peck thing.

This is optimistic. Some married people don't have sex.

But you become attached to your spouse, and of course to your children, and there are good moments also so you don’t want to leave. So you tend to be in a perpetual state of unhappiness mixed with what feels like odd contentment. But it’s really just fear of change or what your kids or parents or in-laws (or whoever) will think if you divorce. Plus, nobody likes to admit failure. And most of this stuff you’ll just hold inside and never tell a soul. While you smile for family photos and everyone thinks you’re so happy.

Still thinking marriage might be something you'd do?

There were a lot of additional comments at that link.



Jimi Chi:

As a single 42 year old man with no kids, I can't tell you how many times I've heard this kind of sentiment from other men, who are married with kids and quite miserable about their life circumstances. I've been told I was “lucky” a bunch of times too, because I'm not living the “married with 2.5 kids life”.

We all grow up being spoon fed the idea that kids and marriage are the norm and to be aspired too. Society seems to imply that this lifestyle leads to happiness. Well, I love MY life. I've lived in multiple countries, had different interesting jobs, been an entrepreneur, traveled and dated many different kinds of women.

The harsh truth is that I value my independence and making my life my own. I once lived with a woman who had teenagers. I loved the lady a lot, but I couldn't stand living with her. I had no freedom, no spare time. I was a taxi service and a cook. The kids didn't appreciate s--- and it felt like a job that cost me money instead. I'm no longer in that situation and life is good again. I've been told by women, probably all Moms that “It's not for everyone". I think people in general need to be told that married with kids is not an expectation but a choice.

Chris Longford added:

I mean no disrespect to anyone with what I’m about to say but I think guys who maybe didn’t have a lot of luck in their romantic life value being married more than guys who easily got women.

This is what I think about when Michael Medved talks about being married vs. being single. He talks as though single men are desperate and haplessly fumbling around, wasting their time and money. Meanwhile, unmarried men who know how to play the game are getting plenty of sex for little time, money, or effort spent.

I don’t mean to sound like a bragging a--hole but I always easily got women. And I had a whole bunch of sex. So, there is a lot stored in my memory bank and that excitement and enthusiasm is missing when you’re married after a while and it’s hard not to miss it. It doesn’t mean your wife isn't wonderful or that she’s not hot, that has nothing to do with it. I mean, many super models have been cheated on. Because it’s just the repetition of doing the same thing over and over for years. I think people who are virgins when they marry probably do better because they have nothing to compare it to. It becomes a replacement for masturbation. And nobody gets tired of masturbation.

I just think more people need to be honest about it. People think it’s horrible to admit all this stuff and so what happens is people just carry it and they get depressed and they drink or do drugs or whatever. Take a bunch of Xanax or antidepressants. When the reality is that marriage is not natural. And that’s why so many people are unhappy. But everyone is expected to get married.

You keep doing what you’re doing. If you don’t want a family and all that stuff just keep doing what you’re doing. The only thing is when you get old you may want somebody then. And that’s kind of what we all struggle with.

Keep your freedom, guys. Don't sign a bad contract. Don't relinquish your life to an irrational creature who is likely to be ungrateful.